Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120


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finally. I'll be working on a redux later in the year. If popular I may do a squeal
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
06-05-2012, 08:08 AM
Just a quick preliminary review, I started your mission last night and got to the first ground map, but I had a migraine and had to turn it off. I'll try and finish it tonight.

The Good:
Excellent map design for the most part. Very, very impressive on the second space map (I'll avoid spoilers). I'd be tempted to give you a 5-star for that map alone. I also liked what I saw of the first ground map. I enjoyed the optional inclusion of EVA suits, not near enough opportunities to use those, before I start it up tonight I'll pick up enough for my BOFFs! Also I liked the design of the ground map, it really had great continuity with the space map. It felt like I was really on the surface of the same object I saw from space. Well done there.

I also liked how the plot was not necessarily a rehash of Star Trek: The Motion Picture. I'm actually a fan of that film, so I appreciate the homage.

I liked how you started off on a social map and had both talk to contact and interact, providing the info from TMP for anyone who hasn't seen it. I enjoyed interacting with S'arkee again, I used him as the start contact in one of my missions For a science lieutenant at the Academy, that guy sure gets involved in a lot of missions, maybe there's more to him than meets the eye...

The Bad:
First, you really need to do a spelling pass. I noted numerous spelling errors across all the maps I was able to test, starting with the mission title: you have not capitalized "Children."

The "cloud" in the first space map was far too bright. I know why it does that, and I know why you chose it. Unfortunately it means you lose almost all detail in the visuals. It becomes a white blob that blocks out everything else, even my ship. For instance I liked your use of the green borg portal for the entity's weapon, but I could barely see it because of the blob. I also know it will probably severely impact the performance on older computers (I know because a similar stacked-nebula effect did so on my old PC). Consider reducing the number of nebulas. Remember back to TMP, that cloud had a lot of detail to it, rather than a white blob. If you still want the white blob to block out some geometry, like those transwarp conduits (good use of those btw), you might reduce the nebulas elsewhere, but keep them stacked in strategic spots.

Also consider adding some more detail to that map outside the cloud, maybe add in some more interesting backdrops.

In your transition from the social map to your first custom map, consider adding the location to the mission subtitle that appears on the right-side objective window. I skimmed over it in the dialogue and had to go back to my communications log to find it, I'm sure I won't be the only one. If the mission subtitle read "Go to the XX System in the XX Sector Block" instead of "Encounter" I think it would be much easier for dialogue-skimmers such as myself.

Overall:
A decent start, the biggest need for improvement I see is the spelling. Based on what I've seen so far, I would recommend others play this mission. I'll continue this when I'm able to play the full mission.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
06-05-2012, 09:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by drogyn1701 View Post
Just a quick preliminary review, I started your mission last night and got to the first ground map, but I had a migraine and had to turn it off. I'll try and finish it tonight.
Yeah, those nebula were a pain, I'm trying to clear it up. The only real use that brightness had was in the Data Bank map. You'll understand when you see it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by drogyn1701 View Post
The Good:
Excellent map design for the most part. Very, very impressive on the second space map (I'll avoid spoilers). I'd be tempted to give you a 5-star for that map alone. I also liked what I saw of the first ground map. I enjoyed the optional inclusion of EVA suits, not near enough opportunities to use those, before I start it up tonight I'll pick up enough for my BOFFs! Also I liked the design of the ground map, it really had great continuity with the space map. It felt like I was really on the surface of the same object I saw from space. Well done there.
If the Foundry would have allowed it, the second map would have taken up the whole space map. The Intruder was originally meant to be THAT big.

Quote:
Originally Posted by drogyn1701 View Post
I also liked how the plot was not necessarily a rehash of Star Trek: The Motion Picture. I'm actually a fan of that film, so I appreciate the homage.
My favorite out of all the Star Trek movies

Quote:
Originally Posted by drogyn1701 View Post
I liked how you started off on a social map and had both talk to contact and interact, providing the info from TMP for anyone who hasn't seen it. I enjoyed interacting with S'arkee again, I used him as the start contact in one of my missions For a science lieutenant at the Academy, that guy sure gets involved in a lot of missions, maybe there's more to him than meets the eye...
I added a more personal twist to your Bridge officers too. I wanted to make them more than just bots with all the answers. I hope you enjoy that twist.

Quote:
Originally Posted by drogyn1701 View Post
The Bad:
First, you really need to do a spelling pass. I noted numerous spelling errors across all the maps I was able to test, starting with the mission title: you have not capitalized "Children."
Yeah, I noticed the spell checker missed out the more common mistakes, I am proof reading it now

Quote:
Originally Posted by drogyn1701 View Post
The "cloud" in the first space map was far too bright. I know why it does that, and I know why you chose it. Unfortunately it means you lose almost all detail in the visuals. It becomes a white blob that blocks out everything else, even my ship. For instance I liked your use of the green borg portal for the entity's weapon, but I could barely see it because of the blob. I also know it will probably severely impact the performance on older computers (I know because a similar stacked-nebula effect did so on my old PC). Consider reducing the number of nebulas. Remember back to TMP, that cloud had a lot of detail to it, rather than a white blob. If you still want the white blob to block out some geometry, like those transwarp conduits (good use of those btw), you might reduce the nebulas elsewhere, but keep them stacked in strategic spots.
This will be fixed

Quote:
Originally Posted by drogyn1701 View Post
Also consider adding some more detail to that map outside the cloud, maybe add in some more interesting backdrops.
I must admit I was afraid of overdoing it with the cloud, but I'll see what the feedback is on this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by drogyn1701 View Post
In your transition from the social map to your first custom map, consider adding the location to the mission subtitle that appears on the right-side objective window. I skimmed over it in the dialogue and had to go back to my communications log to find it, I'm sure I won't be the only one. If the mission subtitle read "Go to the XX System in the XX Sector Block" instead of "Encounter" I think it would be much easier for dialogue-skimmers such as myself.

Overall:
A decent start, the biggest need for improvement I see is the spelling. Based on what I've seen so far, I would recommend others play this mission. I'll continue this when I'm able to play the full mission.
Thank you I will be improving this mission as Foundry develops. I think it's one of my gems that needs TLC.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
06-05-2012, 09:38 AM
Just so you weren't confused, the migraine wasn't cause by anything in your mission I just get them from time to time.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5
06-05-2012, 11:00 AM
The thing I love about this mission is how you didn't fall into the temptation for an overly long mission. You created a short story with a profound impact. I couldn't help but feel for 6 of 13's plight and suffering. Very few writers could make you feel the pain of a machine as well as the TMP did, and you executed it well. I could quite understand 6 of 13's desperation at the end and I did actually appreciate the solution. I won't spoil the ending, but the big lug deserved it.

I was dubious about the combat element at first, but once it was explained the logic of it fell into place. I felt drawn into helping as a result.

Visually, the ship was stunning. You created a great sense of scale with limited tools, the vessel awed me when I first came across it, the tunnel was very intimidating. The Data Banks were very reminiscent of the TMP, I felt like I was floating in Spock's space foot steps.

If you can fix the cloud a little and the odd typo, I can see this, in fact encourage this mission to be featured in the near future.

An added brownie point goes here, thank you for making this a low level mission. Normally the epics are left to high level players, as a noob I deeply appreciate it thank you.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
06-07-2012, 05:47 PM
Thank you for the positive feedback so far. It's inspired me to do a short mission introducing you to the crew of 6 of 13. Let me put it to you this way. The Bridge is HUGE
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