USS Kindjal, En Route to the Traelus System
"...and that leave the gaseous anomaly scan in the Traelus System. I recommend Ensign Smith for that task."
The usually acerbic Vulcan, one Commander T'lan and first officer of the USS Kindjal, broke form by offering her suggestion with precautionary air, one which Captain James Lionel Corgan picked up quickly.
"Wait a second." Captain Corgan put down his PADD and looked T'lan directly in the eyes, "That particular task needs a specialist, and the last I checked Ensign Smith couldn't find an anomaly even if we stuffed him in a quantum torpedo and shot him towards it."
The placid Vulcan replied, "Sir, Starfleet Command deemed that reassigning an actual Astrometrics Scientist to our starship was not a proper use of personnel. Until they deem it necessary for us to have one, we will have to make due."
James groaned, "You're right. Assign Ensign Smith. He has a Ph.D in Geology. Surely he can figure out how to operate an instrument panel. What's the next assignment?"
T'lan checked her PADD and announced, "Next, we have to find qualified crewmembers to entertain some foreign dignitaries on our ship."
James answered without pause, "Send the twins."
T'lan raised a sharp Vulcan eyebrow, "The Orion twins?"
James replied, "Yes."
"The Orion Slave Girl twins."
"Did I stutter? Yes. Send the Orion twins. They're the best Diplomats on our ship."
T'lan entered the assignment data into her PADD, then asked, "Sir, what makes these two qualified to lead a diplomatic mission?"
James called up the profile information on his PADD to answer, "According to Ambassador Sugihara... tactfulness, peacefulness and... seduction."
"Seduction, sir?" T'lan questioned skeptically.
"I'm afraid to ask."
"Sir, I have to question their qualifications. According to their crew profiles, their previous diplomacy experience involves the strip bar at Drozana Station. I do not see how Ambassador Sugihara considers this as ground for qualification when dealing with foreign dignitaries."
"Commander, if I asked about half the nonsense that's gone on with half my crew, I would have a skeleton crew of nothing but geologists to run my ship. Just... go with it. Besides, remember trade agreement deal with the Bajorans?"
T'lan drolled, "Yes sir. I'm afraid I do."
"Well it worked. How it worked I will never in a million parsecs ask the twins. Why? Because when the Federation News Service starts asking if our leading diplomats are trading lapdances for political favors, I can at least plead ignorance without outright lying."
"A logical, if disturbing course of action." T'lan returned to her PADD, "It also puts to question Ambassador Sugihara's qualifications as the head of the Diplomacy Corp if he keeps recruiting from Drozana Station."
James shrugged, "He believes in second chances... and tipping well. Now, who can we find to assemble this experimental plasma torpedo system?"
"What the devil am I supposed to do with a chef?"-Vice Admiral Howie asked. "Sir, replicators have been standard issue for quite some time" stated First Officer Nilere, "Do we even have a galley?". "As a Vice Admiral, you would think I'd be in control of personnel. Remind me to put in for my retirement next week, I'm too old for this #$%6 !"