Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 1 Respect For Your Elders
12-09-2011, 02:21 PM
I've got a new Fed mission up on Holodeck called "Respect For Your Elders". ST-HB7T73XL4, Level 31+. It's a stand alone solo RP mission that should take an hour or less to complete. Check out the trailer here http://youtu.be/aG2lMqxO3M0

The granddaughter of a powerful Starfleet Admiral has gone missing from the 602 Club. Your help is enlisted to track her down before the Admiral's visit. You've got less than 24 hours.

There are a few laughs and some moderate combat in space and on the ground in this lighthearted mission. Feel free to try any of the missions in my signature as well. Have fun. Be sure to catch this weeks episode of BitesizeUGC, Friday 7:00pm EST, 4:00pm PST, at the halfway point of BroadcastUGC, or on our Youtube page http://www.youtube.com/user/BitesizeUGC?feature=guide(See other BitesizeUGC thread for more info)
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt.PFDennis
I've got a new Fed mission up on Holodeck called "Respect For Your Elders". ST-HB7T73XL4, Level 31+. It's a stand alone solo RP mission that should take an hour or less to complete. Check out the trailer here http://youtu.be/aG2lMqxO3M0

The granddaughter of a powerful Starfleet Admiral has gone missing from the 602 Club. Your help is enlisted to track her down before the Admiral's visit. You've got less than 24 hours.
Federation Mission - Respect For Your Elders
Author: Capt.PFDennis
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HB7T73XL4

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission. Your writing and map design is really good. The story as a whole was very well done. The battles were tough but not impossible. I would recommend this mission to anyone who likes a good story with some humor and tough battles mixed in.

There is some minor spelling issues noted below but nothing serious. Most of them are minor and are easy to miss. The only real issue I had was the distances between the trigger points for dialog, battles and objects that needed to be interacted with. I would recommend closing some of the more excessive gaps between these points. I noted some of them below for each maps where I felt it really needed to be addressed.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: Nice simple description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider moving the note regarding the length of the mission to a separate note in the paragraph and perhaps make it [OOC] to make it stand out.
-Consider adding just a little more detail in order to really draw the player in and make them want to click the "Hail" button.

Grant Mission Dialog: This dialog serves the purpose of setting the tone of the mission. It gave me a nice chuckle and made me want to click the "Accept" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: Nice simple mission task with a good straight forward mission start location. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt.

MAPS:
Starfleet Academy: The dialog on this map is really well written. I wonít be giving you credit for the map design as this is a Cryptic map however your use of the character and objects on that map are very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Scharf dialog; consider changing the playerís response dialog costume to the Console Prop as it seemed to be the one you used the most. The shuttlecraft is a little confusing. At first I thought it might be a glitch.

Sol: This is a good map design and the dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The player's dialog; consider changing the dialog costume to the Console Prop you used for the "Outer Marker" dialog. It should be understood by using the [OOC] dialog that it supposed to be the player's dialog. You can also combine them in the same dialog window with an NPC or Bridge Officer.
-Consider moving the warp point closer to the start position.

Sirius Sector: This is a good map design and the dialog is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-If this was supposed to be a warp effect then I see you ran into the same problem I did with that effect. I'd like to suggest to you what I did. I turned the entire map including the spawn point to face west on the map. Then I used the "Weather StarStreaks West East 01".
-The "Freighter Ahead" dialog response button; consider changing "You heard that , Helm. Close in" to read "You heard that, Helm. Close in".
-The freighter "Audridís Bastion" is sitting sideways at about a 75 degree angle to the flight path to intercept.
-The Science Officer report regarding the identity of the Audrid's Bastion comes after the conversation with the ship. It seems out of place.
-The "Map Transition" dialog; consider changing "Aproaching the Andorian System" to read "Approaching the Andorian System".
-The location of the "Aproaching the Andorian System" trigger is located off to the east of the original travel in warp space. If this is supposed to be warp space consider changing the location of this trigger along the original path. If this is not supposed to be warp space then consider removing the warp effect.

Andoria: This is a really well design map. The dialog is well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The initial player's dialog is not in [OOC] as on previous maps.

Andoria Surface: The story dialog is very well written. This is a good map design with a tough battle but not impossible to beat. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding a re-spawn point closer to the fight.
-One of the shuttles nacelles is buried in the ground.

Andoria#2: The story dialog is good. This map design is well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider moving the warp location closer to the scan location. Running all over the map can be mildly annoying.

Vulcan System: This is a really good map design and the battle is tough but not impossible. The story dialog is well written. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Initial dialog; consider changing "I would save me some time" to read "It would save me some time".
-Elder Tarvun dialog; consider changing "Now do as Ihave instructed" to read "No do as I have instructed".
-Consider changing the player's dialog "Helm, lay in a course for Vulcan, maximum warp. The Elder will be providing coordinates. When we've reached them establish orbit" to read "Helm, lay in a course for the Elder's coordinates, full impulse and establish orbit".
-The "Permission to speak freely" dialog; consider changing the player's dialog costume to the Console Prop.

The Forge: The story dialog is very well written. The map design is excellent and the battles are tough but not impossible. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Elder's response button; consider changing "I am sorry.You are correct, of course" to read "I am sorry. You are correct, of course".
-The "Contact your ship" dialog; consider changing the player's dialog to [OOC].

Vulcan System#2: This is a good map design with a tough battle. The story dialog is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The Map Transfer dialog; consider changing the player's dialog to [OOC].

Shuttlebay: The story dialog and map design are very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the crate the girl is dancing on to a small crate. It would make it easier to interact with her.
-Consider moving the turbolift closer to the Shuttle Bay. This would also mean moving the spawn point too.

Sol#2: This is a good wrap up map. The story is well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider moving the trigger points closer together.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job on this mission and I look forward to playing and reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 12/10/2011 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
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