Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
My new mission Dark Ice level 35+ Fed mission is now up for people to play. May be in the review stage if you try and find it.

I would appreciate any constructive feedback. Its pretty story heavy and if anyone catches any spelling mistakes i would appreciate it.

Ive tried a few in map warp transitions. let me know if these work ok.

Thanks and enjoy.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
01-12-2012, 05:39 PM
This was a really good mission, involving Romulans, Remans, and Breen. The story was creative AND was well-told. I felt the entire mission was very cinematic.

Your use of maps was great. I loved how you built the space station and populated it with such a wide range of Starfleet personnel. The ice planet was well-appointed, too, and the weather atmosphere made it seem realistic (I'm sure the Breen enjoyed it!).

Your dialog throughout was well-written and got the point across economically. I liked how, at a few points, you had my character discuss what was going on with the Admiral with the text in orange. This was a good work-around for what could have been a confusing point in the story.

Let me tell you about how effective your "warp" technique was: The first time I "warped" to the next sector, I sat there for a full 2 minutes, watching my ship race through space at maximum warp. I noticed how, in the mini-map, my ship wasn't getting any closer to my goal. Sure, my engines weren't on, but they didn't need to be, since I was at warp and---oops! LOL

I gave this 5 stars.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
01-13-2012, 02:12 AM
I'm really glad you liked it. It seem to be going over well so far.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
01-13-2012, 11:52 AM
will try it later sir.

also, how do you set a mission for a particular level? It owuldnt let me adjust it on mine.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5
01-13-2012, 02:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruis.In View Post
how do you set a mission for a particular level? It owuldnt let me adjust it on mine.
The level depends on the enemy mobs you use. When you select one, it will tell you what levels it will restrict the mission to.

I really enjoyed this mission, a well told tale and it had great map design. Great job!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
01-13-2012, 06:39 PM
Just played it. Great story and very well built
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 7
01-14-2012, 06:19 AM
Thanks Nagus and stylsy.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain_Revo
Hi, I have another one if you are free.

Mission Name: Dark Ice
Author: Captain_Revo
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Fed
ST-(Mission ID Number) : ST-HCAHG7GKS
Estimated Mission Length: 45-60 mins
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post

Again any spelling mistakes caught would be a big help. I have tried some warp transitions that should work well enough but let me know if there are any problems in how they work.

Thanks.
Federation Mission - Dark Ice
Author: Captain_Revo
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HCAHG7GKS

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is an outstanding mission from the story dialog, map design and battles. Your use of maps and effects is great. The use of warping effects as part of the story telling and reduction of map transfers is growing quite popular. Your use of it in this mission is well done and served to move the story forward. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes a great story combined with excellent map design and a good mix of battles.

The use of the response button "Continue" in this mission served the purpose of even though I usually recommend the use of some sort of response in relation to the dialog. In most of the situations where it was used seemed to work pretty well.

I mentioned the warp streak effect in the summary above and on the maps where you used it so I thought Id clarify a few points here. While the use of this effect to minimize map transfers and enrich story telling some of the warp effects used in the Foundry are flawed. Ive found in my mission design the "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect seems to work the best. Using this effect does mean that the author must orient the map to start in the east and head west but I feel this effect looks better. For the purposes of this mission the effect you chose works well enough to tell the story with the exception of the "Chiron System" map. The fact that you used the effect to tell the story is great and gives the author the added benefit of not having to use an extra map for two different battles or parts of the story.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good detailed description in a nice short to the point package. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialog: The story dialog is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: This is a good task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Rhi System: This is a great map with a good battle. The story dialog is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Romulan Colony: This is a fantastic map design. The explosions and the set decoration are outstanding. The story dialog is excellent. I noted no spelling errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post "Find the Shuttle" dialog; consider changing "It seem clear" to read "It seems clear".
-The map transfer dialog; consider changing the response button "Return to the Ship" to read "Energize".

Icari System: This is a great map design. The warping effect is a great way to add the appearance of transiting to a location without having additional map transfers. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The map design with warp streaks is good. I've used the "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" with the map oriented an east to west direction. Consider adding a "Drop from warp" interaction at the end of the warp with the appropriate warping in animation.
-The map transfer dialog; consider changing the response button "Beam over to the Main Starbase" to read "Energize".

Starbase Icari: This is an excellent map design. The story dialog along with the other non-mission individual dialog is well written and moves the story forward. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Susan Randal" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Thank you" or something along those lines.
-The "Sensor logs" dialog; consider changing the response button "Where is Sdmiral Holloway" to read "Where is Admiral Holloway".
-The use of the response button "Continue" in the Admiral Holloway dialog with the Romulan Senator is not a problem as the player is listening to the exchange of dialog between the two NPCs.
-The Admiral Holloway dialog; I might be mistaken but it appears as if there is a "period" instead of a "comma" in the dialog "our aid to the Romulans. that we too".
-Consider changing "Once you have leaned all you can" to read "Once you have learned all you can".
-Consider moving Daniels further into the medical bed. His head appears to be hanging off the end slightly.

Chiron System: The map design is excellent and the "Optional" battles are a nice touch. The story dialog is great. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The map design with warp streaks is ok and as before a great story telling point but the warp streaks are running south away from the ship as we move through it.
-Consider adding a "Drop from warp" interaction at the end of the warp with the appropriate warping in animation.

Frozen Base: This map design is outstanding and the optional battles are very nice touch. I really like the map text. It made me laugh out loud. The story dialog is good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

Return to Icari: This is a great map design with a good mix of battles and effects. The story dialog is outstanding. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The map design with warp streaks is good. Consider adding a "Drop from warp" interaction at the end of the warp with the appropriate warping in animation.

Starbase Icari: The map design is excellent from the effects to the battles. The story dialog is great and really serves to wrap the whole story up in a nice conclusion. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. Your Foundry work serves to enrich the entire STO community, so keep it up.
Brian

This critique report also filed 01/14/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
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