Further proof Cryptic is small potatoes. Any real respectful gaming company would have upgraded to gerbils a long time ago. They are more streamlined and faster too. And eat less resources than those chubby hamsters.

Wait, wait, wait...I thought they *DID* upgrade to gerbils months ago.

Or did the gerbils get reassigned to another server?

And wasn't there some kind of experiment with squirrels and caffeine?

I think they say they lost over 6.2 million drones, but they brushed it off as 'insignificant.'

don't forget to rub the server with cheetah blood to get them to go faster.

-Æ

Gerbils aren't as durable as Hamsters are.

Really, Chinchillas are much more durable than anything else we've tried, but they're MUCH lazier, and end up curling up in the corner more often than not. As such, Hamsters are the rodentia of choice for us. We have to deal with more er. . . defective units. . . but we get more work out of them. And we can buy them by the bushel.

My Cannibal tribble eats your hamsters ... Finds them quite tastle, btw.

Tribbles are worthless to us. They can't turn wheels.

:::ponders:::

I guess we could breed them like crazy and then just burn them to fuel the servers. . .

:::heads downstairs to talk to Stephen:::

As a Klingon, I approve of this solution.

Thumbs up for running the servers on a renewable energy source.

You don't need tribbles or hamsters.


You need Guinea Pigs. The average guinea pig can run at speeds of 19.5 meters per second for sustained periods. If provided with suitable encouragement (read: scared out of its mind), it can sprint up to 50 miles per hour, although these sprints tend to last only 5-19 seconds.


Generally speaking, anything a Tribble can do (Klingon fetishism aside), a Guinea Pig can do better. For a more detailed comparison, please observe this article which goes into depth.