Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Title: Shipwrecked!

Author: Gregg247

Faction: Klingon (level 16+)

Estimated Time to Play: 45 minutes

Project ID: ST-HUXVUSCA8

"A small, frozen, seemingly unexceptional planet near the H'atoria system is the key to a nearly endless supply of energy. The Klingon Empire, desparately in need of resources for their ongoing war efforts, has assigned you to assist General Q'Marco on a detailed geological expedition.

When a trio of Romulan ships shows up, looking for a fight, you find yourself trapped in a frigid, barren wasteland, with nothing but your skills, your bravery, and your Honor to keep you warm."
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregg247 View Post
Mission Title: Shipwrecked!
Author: Gregg247
Project ID: ST-HUXVUSCA8
Faction: Klingon (level 16+)
Language: English
Estimated Time: 45 minutes

"A small, frozen, seemingly unexceptional planet near the H'atoria system is the key to a nearly endless supply of energy. The Klingon Empire, desparately in need of resources for their ongoing war efforts, has assigned you to assist General Q'Marco on a detailed geological expedition.

When a trio of Romulan ships shows up, looking for a fight, you find yourself trapped in a frigid, barren wasteland, with nothing but your skills, your bravery, and your Honor to keep you warm."


I hope you enjoy this one. I took your advice on my other missions and incorporated it into this one, and I think its all the better because of it.
Klingon Mission - Shipwrecked
Author: Gregg247
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HUXVUSCA8

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission. The map design is well done. The battles are tough but glorious for a Klingon. The story dialog is well written but needs a little more Klingon style to it. Consider removing "please" and "thank you". That works for Federation but not so much for Klingons, at least in my opinion. Having said all that I would also like to say I found very few spelling or grammatical errors in this mission. I didnít count the dialog with Otho or Tiny. I would recommend it to others if you like good map design, tough and glorious battles with some well written, if not Klingon, dialog thrown in.

All the maps were very well done. Even the Romulan Tower map was very well designed but it needs a few changes to make it better. The map layout hides most of the map objects. This is most likely due to the roof blocks being placed last. There is usually nothing you can do about this unless when you are building the map you place the roof and floor first and then place other objects on the map. I found this out when I was working on designing a custom map for one of my missions. When played I couldnít see the objects or walls that had been hidden by the roof block. The interact objects, NPC and engagements can be seen on the map but not the walls or furniture or steps. Is it a show stopper? I would say no but it is something to consider fixing.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a very intriguing description. I'm not sure how much more you can add to it in order to draw the player in and make them want to click "Hail". I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "desparately in need of" to read "desperately in need of".

Grant Mission Dialog: This is a good grant mission dialog. The post "Accept" button is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

Mission Task: This is a good detailed task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a well written prompt. I never thought I'd say this again, but it needs a little more of a Klingon feel to it. The dialog would work better if the player were Federation. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.

MAPS:
Ready Room: This is a good map design. The dialog is well written however it doesnít feel very Klingon. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The spawn point places a pole directly in the playerís line of site. Perhaps move it in a little further.
-The overall feel of the dialog needs to be dialed up on the Klingon scale. It is well written but it just doesn't feel very Klingon.
-Consider changing the response button "Excellent. How do we procede?" to read "Excellent. How do we proceed?"

Bridge: This is an excellent map design. The story dialog is great. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-When the "Weapons Officer" console blows up consider adding an explosion effect.
-Consider adding more explosion effects to coincide with the reports of hits. You may have to add multiple player interactions with the console to trigger them. You can do this by adding copies of the console, one on top of the other.

Ice Map: This is a good map design. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Captain J'Surt dialog; consider changing "He was the finest man I've ever known" to read "He was the greatest Klingon I've ever known".
-Realizing you can't have dialog mixed with each of the "Search for the Injured" tasks but consider breaking them up in to separate tasks with a short dialog indicating their condition. Then use the current dialog on the last task. You can also number each task so the player knows how many total. For example; "Search for Injured 1/5" and so on.
-In the various dialog the "Science" BOFF is actually my "Tactical" BOFF. I am not sure if this is a mistake or a bug but you should check it out.
-Plot point. The Klingon would not just submit because the Romulan talked to him regardless of how many Romulans he was surrounded with. Perhaps place some interact that renders the player unconscious. Then the Romulan can do the dialog youíve written. Then have the player marched to the gate or something not quite so far.

Dilithium Mines: This is a good map design with good battles. The story dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding some tasks in between the first conversation with Otho and the second. Without going anywhere or doing anything he is already asking me what I found.
-Remove the "That is all" from the end of the security alert messages.

Romulan Tower: This map design is well done. The story dialog is well written. The battles are tough but not impossible. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Remove the "That is all" from the end of the security alert messages.
-There is snow falling inside the tower.
-The map design is well done but you should consider changing a few things which I will cover in more detail in the summary above.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did an excellent job designing and writing this mission. Keep up the good work.
Brian

This critique report also filed 02/08/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
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