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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 11
02-27-2012, 02:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprint01
Speaking as a friend of a recently battered wife... that's not always the case. Battered spouses are usually emotionally and physically subdued, and thus unable to contact or reach out to authorities. Also, she made mention of speech impairment. Communicating her need for assistance over the phone would be difficult.
Sadly that is true. You would be surprised what an abuser can do. For all we know in her mind she could be running circles and blaming herself. that is what a good abuser does. they make the abused think they it is their fault, and that there is nothing they can do about it. In a sense they think that they are getting what they deserved. ( at least a good amount of the time. it could be different here. )
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 12
02-27-2012, 02:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zodi-emish
Sadly that is true. You would be surprised what an abuser can do. For all we know in her mind she could be running circles and blaming herself. that is what a good abuser does. they make the abused think they it is their fault, and that there is nothing they can do about it. In a sense they think that they are getting what they deserved. ( at least a good amount of the time. it could be different here. )
This is exactly what occurred to someone I know. The only thing that allowed her to get free from the situation was the intervention of her family. Mainly her parents.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 13
02-27-2012, 03:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprint01
Quote:
Originally Posted by hort_wort View Post
Police website for Phoenix, AZ with online reporting: http://phoenix.gov/police/

Advise her contact the police herself. Then put her on your ignore list. Seriously. Worrying about what happens to her won't do anyone any good. If the situation is really as bad as she describes, then they'll do something about it. If she doesn't think the situation is bad enough to contact the police, then it probably really isn't and she's exaggerating.
Speaking as a friend of a recently battered wife... that's not always the case. Battered spouses are usually emotionally and physically subdued, and thus unable to contact or reach out to authorities. Also, she made mention of speech impairment. Communicating her need for assistance over the phone would be difficult.
To explain the thinking behind my response a bit:
  1. The OP said she doesn't have a phone. So talking to the police on the phone isn't an issue anyway. That's why I linked the website.
  2. If someone sends police to her house (or another type of authority) then she might panic and tell them her life is fine and it was a misunderstanding. Then things will get worse for her. She has to decide to tell them herself to avoid this. That decision would also help her to stand up to her husband in the future.
  3. It sounds like she isn't, but she might be making it all up for attention. Another reason to not call anyone on her behalf.
  4. For the blocking, I mention that because the last time I offered sincere advice to a troubled friend that I typed carefully for a couple hours, he ended up chewing me out for it and hating my guts.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 14
02-27-2012, 09:06 PM
Thank you for all your replies. Couldn't have done it without you

"Client" was very desperate for help and she had no hesitation to give her privacy away. She wanted to publicly threaten her husband on Facebook (to which I said NO) because she was so helpless IRL. STO was indeed the only community she trusted and the only online haven she spends time on.

She might be weak and impaired but her mind is strong. She however cannot act on her own to protect her own interests as she was living under an 'iron curtain' for many years and does not know how to protect her own rights.

If her husband stumbles on this page then all the better. I do have a contingency plan in place for direct action which is quick, decisive and proven effective in other similar cases.

In any case, client was in sound mind as she appointed me to write on her behalf, and I treat that as an honourable contract between us until otherwise discharged by her.

I understand that I may be stressing myself out unnecessarily over a simple online contact, but this is not my first international 'intervention' and... trust me - You know when someone really needs help. From the way she interacts with others, and converses with me OOC in a decidedly intimate and truthful manner like she needs someone to talk to badly. Call it intuition.

I don't turn away people on suspicion, no matter how 'interesting' internet dealings can be. I treat everyone fairly, and if they wish to lie to me, that's fine. I can understand their reasons. I do not discriminate.

I have very high hopes that Melissa will finally find her place in life and rebuild her life anew. She has the willpower to overcome her (hopefully temporary) disabilities and simply needs a new burst of enthusiasm and most importantly, support from her fellow Americans and real life people.

I am spending a lot of online time with Melissa now, and I just feel it's right to act as I do without any motive or profit because I believe we have guys and girls on our friends' lists for a reason - to me my online contacts and clients are not a matter of 'add and forget'.
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