(I thought I might help people ease their tensions and laugh a little by making this thread, enjoy)
*the captain and XO of a ship are flying through space, the XO is whistling a bit to himself*
Capt: I spy with my little eye...something beginning with 'S'
Cmdr: I spy with my little eye something that is black.
Cmdr: Yeah...*sigh* Oh god I'm bored.
Capt: That's enough of that game; let's play another game. *pause* I know what.
Captain: *reaches down to the comm panel on the seat and activates it* Hello, this is your captain speaking! There is absolutely no cause for alarm!
Cmdr: *cracks up laughing*
Capt: Ok they'll be thinking...*Cmdr reaches to the comm panel* No no no~! Let it sink in. They're thinking...uhh...'What is there absolutely no cause for alarm?'..Ah! The nacelles are on fire. *flips on the comm* The nacelles are not on fire.
Capt: Now they're thinking 'why should he say that' so we say...
Chief Medical Officer: *walks onto the bridge*
Cmdr: Oh oh, how are we doing?
CMO: The crew has stopped doing anything, looking a bit worried. Hang on! Somebody's going into the turbolift!
Capt: Is he there yet?
CMO: The door is closing...now!
Cmdr: Please return to your stations and await further instructions!
CMO: Yes! Here he comes hurrying back up to the bridge! I'll go and do the 'worried walk' now.
Cmdr: Safety regulations!
Capt: Safety regulations!
Cmdr: Please listen carefully. I want to reminder you of some of the safety regulations. In case of emergency it is vitally important to...*kwssssssh kwsssssshhhh kwssssssssh*...as the warning buzzer sounds! *bzzzzt*
CMO: Great! Great!
Capt: Hey, I've got an idea. You will find your EV suits under your seats.
Cmdr: But they're up...
Capt: Shh! shh! Let them scramble a bit....I'm sorry, you will find your EV suits in the racks above your head. But do not leave your stations!
CMO: Great! Great! That was marvelous!
Cmdr: Goobledygoop!...The scransins above your head are now ready to flange. Please leave your stations and press the emergency photostamps on the back of the stations behind you.
CMO: Marvelous! Milling about, climbing all over the place!
Cmdr: Please find the emergency sprill in the turbolift at the back and release it.
Capt: But do not leave your stations.
CMO: That's got em, back to their stations.
Cmdr: The emergency sprill must be released!
Capt: But do not leave your stations!
Cmdr: Do not panic!
Capt: Tea will now be served!
Cmdr: Put on your EV suits!
Capt: And extinguish all cigarettes.
Cmdr: Please remove the cargo from one bay and move it to the other bay on the other side of the ship!
Capt: Except for antimatter containers.
Cmdr: Which you should sit on!
*all three laugh*
Capt: Have a look~!
Cmdr: What?..What, what?
CMO: Hang on...
Cmdr and Capt: What, what?
CMO: They've all jumped out!
*all three laugh even harder*
Capt: you know...I wouldn't be surprised if there was some trouble about this.