Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Mission Title: Federation Desperation
Project ID: ST-HKWCILN6E
@Handle: Maziken
Faction: Klingon
Level Requirement: 16+
Mission Summary:

The Federation and the Klingon Empire are conducting peace talks on Risa. The Federation hopes to form an alliance to combat the Borg forces that continue to encroach into both governments' territory. Can you help ensure that these treaty talks go smoothly or will the Borg have only limited resistance when they fully invade?
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
03-09-2012, 07:45 AM
Currently republishing with a few changes. I adjusted some of the spawn points for enemy ships in the space maps and I changed the way the end battle works slightly.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
03-11-2012, 08:27 AM
Re-publishing again to include a disclaimer that the mission includes a math puzzle in the mission description.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maziken
Mission Title: Federation Desperation
Project ID: ST-HKWCILN6E
@Handle: Maziken
Faction: Klingon
Level Requirement: 16+
Mission Summary:

The Federation and the Klingon Empire are conducting peace talks on Risa. The Federation hopes to form an alliance to combat the Borg forces that continue to encroach into both governments' territory. Can you help ensure that these treaty talks go smoothly or will the Borg have only limited resistance when they fully invade?

This is a mission for the Foundry Challenge #1. I will not edit my mission until the review period for the challenge has finished, but I would like to hear your input on it.
Klingon Mission - Federation Desperation
Author: Maziken
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HKWCILN6E

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is an outstanding mission with excellent story dialogue and glorious battles spread across the maps to keep things interesting. If you’ve ever thought a Klingon mission couldn’t be an investigation you’d be wrong. This is the mission that will change your mind. If you like a great story combined with outstanding map design and glorious battles then this is the mission for you. I would highly recommend this mission to all Klingon players who understand the heart and soul of the Klingon. This brings out the best in the player.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good intriguing description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a really well written and detailed grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Despite the fact that you have the start location for the first custom map in both the description and grant dialogues you should include it in the first mission task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Xarantine Space: This is a good map design with a nice battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding a post battle dialogue from the tactical officer regarding the battle. It seems odd that the battle would take place and there is no dialogue with BOFF’s prior to or post combat.

Risa Space, Day 1: This is a good map with well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Conference Room: This is a great map design with detailed, well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Commander Ro'Chooka" dialogue; consider adding a hard return between the "I should be beheading" and the "I will assist you until" dialogue.
-The "Captain Viet" dialogue; consider changing "quite receptive of you" to read "quite perceptive of you".

Risa Resort Night: This is an excellent map design. The story dialog is outstanding. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Risa Resort Day: The map design is excellent and the story dialog outstanding. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Infirmary: This is a great map design. The story dialog is very intriguing. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Risa Space, Day 2: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue and nice battle. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding a conditional dialogue that would be triggered once the enemy engagement is completed. Something from the science or tactical BOFF’s regarding the attack or something along those lines. It just seems strange that the engagement would occur and none of the BOFF’s has anything to say.

Risa Moon Caverns: This is a really good map design with glorious battles. The story dialogue is very well written and the puzzle is well done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Scanning in second chamber; consider changing "the Romulans have monitoring communications" to read "the Romulans have been monitoring communications".
-Consider changing the response button "Let's get place these conduits then" to read "Let's place these conduits then".
-The Stahlonians were visible in the cavern before engaging the last enemy group and before accessing the holographic console.

Conference Room Day 2: The map design is excellent and the story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Romulan Escape: This is a great map design with excellent story dialogue and glorious battles. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The battle at the end seemed a little overwhelming. I managed to beat all the enemy ships except the last one. When he destroyed me I respawned and the end mission dialogue came up to wrap up the mission, but the enemy ships had all regenerated even though the mission eneded.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I really enjoyed this mission from start to finish.
Brian

This critique report also filed 03/11/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5
03-12-2012, 06:49 AM
I have made several changes that reflect Evil70th's comments. I have also altered the end battle so that it plays out differently and added new dialog in. It should be much less taxing of a battle but still provide a challenge for those who want one.

I have also added in an option to skip the puzzle if a player finds it too difficult.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
03-12-2012, 07:34 AM
Good mission. i enjoyed this one. very nice maps, some challenging fights and a good story.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 7
03-14-2012, 12:53 PM
Re-published again to remove the "If you think this mission deserves a vote for the Foundry Contest #1 please PM PWE_BranFlakes on the forums" part of the last dialog in the mission since the contest is over. I also added the date of the Contest to the Mission Accept dialog to let players know the contest has concluded.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 8
03-17-2012, 01:08 PM
Hi Maziken,

I really enjoyed the mission, although I found the space combat impossible playing a very lower-level post tutorial KDF. I rarely play KDF, so I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong. But, there was absolutely no way that my dinky BoP could take on the battleship and the last fight. I got past the first battleship by scanning the sat, blowing up, and then flying around it to get to the moon.

Again, it may be my fault. If so, I'd like to know what I'm doing wrong, lol. My KDF toon has only played like 3 other missions, and I think I'm equally skilled for both space and ground, with most of my space stuff going to defensive stuff like shields and hull repair.

Also, and I only point this out to be helpful with polish and not as a grammar Nazi. You put an incredible amount of polish in such a short time, so I'm hoping that you appreciate the spotting of typos. They breed like Tribbles.

In at least two spots, I noticed a use of "it's" v. "its" that was wrong. You might read through the mission one more time looking for the its. I'm guessing that you know this, but just in case: it's = it is, and its is the poss.

I hope these comments help. Thanks for making a good mission.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 9
03-17-2012, 03:26 PM
Yeah, I always have typos slip through my fingers, especially given my convoluted way of developing my missions.

I do appreciate the comments! I haven't had anyone else tell me that the space combat was difficult and I was able to play through the battles in my BoP Foundry character without much issue. I'll look at tweaking them a little further, but I'm not sure what else I can do to make the D'deridex battleships less powerful. Maybe have another ship fly in to help the player, but I think that may put the fight a little too one-sided. A BoP is a little difficult to get use to if you have been playing Fed-side for awhile. You basically have to hit and run with it. Cloak, get in position, uncloak, pop all your cooldowns, battle cloak, reposition, uncloak, pop cooldowns, rinse / repeat. On the D'deridex ships, I find that popping behind them and making sure I have scatter volley ready to fire when the D'deridex releases its tri-plasma super torpedos makes short work of them.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 10
03-17-2012, 05:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maziken
Yeah, I always have typos slip through my fingers, especially given my convoluted way of developing my missions.

I do appreciate the comments! I haven't had anyone else tell me that the space combat was difficult and I was able to play through the battles in my BoP Foundry character without much issue. I'll look at tweaking them a little further, but I'm not sure what else I can do to make the D'deridex battleships less powerful. Maybe have another ship fly in to help the player, but I think that may put the fight a little too one-sided. A BoP is a little difficult to get use to if you have been playing Fed-side for awhile. You basically have to hit and run with it. Cloak, get in position, uncloak, pop all your cooldowns, battle cloak, reposition, uncloak, pop cooldowns, rinse / repeat. On the D'deridex ships, I find that popping behind them and making sure I have scatter volley ready to fire when the D'deridex releases its tri-plasma super torpedos makes short work of them.

That's my problem them. I was doing none of these tactics, basically flying a BoP like by federation ship. /facepalm.
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