Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 1 Watching someone Die
05-29-2012, 10:17 PM
The title of the thread seems morbid and creepy - but it reflects what I am presently going through in real life. I'm presently going through a family crisis that hits the core of even the most strongest of us.

I have a straight forward view of death and dying than most of my family. Some may feel I'm indifferent because I do not reflect those emotions that tend to tear one soul at the seems. However; I would be lying to you if I'm not heavly burden inside by it all.

I've already buried two brothers and my father (You all know what I mean - have to beat the sick minds out there that might post that I'm some psycho, lol) - and over the course of time I also attended various funerals from friends and love ones.

I'm soo tired of it all - seems like every other year or so I'm burying someone - In reference to wakes and burials. I've been surrounded by death almost every 2 to 3 years.

This time around its hitting me the hardest, my mother has been recently placed on hospice. It is now a waiting game. I see friends, neighbors, and family hovering over her bed, constantly in tears of whats to come - I have shed many myself.

They say its the cycle of life, the natural order of things - others state that the only two things that are gauranteed in life are Death & Taxes. I guess the most scariest part for me is not death in and of itself - but the mere notion that people will not remember me.

What legacy have you left behind that make folks remember you?

I know when my time comes, I would love it to be a time of celebration of a new beginning or journey. Not some traditional wake, but one where perhaps I can leave a 1/2hr long video diary and tell everyone to bust out the cake and ice cream. Too many tears have been shed, remember my life and not my passing.

What legacy would you like to leave behind?
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
05-29-2012, 11:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackV7
What legacy have you left behind that make folks remember you?

I know when my time comes, I would love it to be a time of celebration of a new beginning or journey. Not some traditional wake, but one where perhaps I can leave a 1/2hr long video diary and tell everyone to bust out the cake and ice cream. Too many tears have been shed, remember my life and not my passing.

What legacy would you like to leave behind?
I feel for your loss. Since 2009 I have lost my father, my elder brother is MIA (fugitive), my mother was claimed by insanity, and I am an outcast in the eyes of my relatives. I no longer have family and do virtually everything myself. The experience of losing loved ones one by one has altered my personality to such a point I will not settle down or even have friends.

However, none of that matters, for the reason that for my being cast out in the first place: -

I fought for social justice in Portugal for 3 years and my 'client' became one of Portugal's first policewomen and a very capable department head.

You don't just sit by and gossip when you know someone has secluded herself from society in depression, has not eaten for 3 weeks and wishes death as an escape from it all. That was the state in which I met Marta.

But why did I go to help personally and commit as much resources as I did to her family's benefit?

1) I don't believe in sitting by while friends suffer
2) I don't believe in 'silent tolerance' of injustices
3) I faced similar social and gender discrimination personally and can do a lot to give former victims a place in society/family
4) Because I can and everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves. My client and I included.
5) I don't like hearing about wives and daughters living in fear and occasionally being sent to hospital after receiving brutal beatings.

In the end I got almost naught in return and my 'client' sadly passed away from kidney failure a few years ago.

However, my campaign against gender exploitation is something I'll remember and use for present and future local social work of similar nature for decades to come.

Local Asian society sees fit to deny me any opportunity to express myself or to make a name for myself achieving something. But Marta gave me the right to take centre seat in society and she has my undying gratitude for that.

And if I have things my way I will have a chance to be remembered for that in due course. IMO Only those who have suffered loss know to show consideration for others.

Ps. I was and am not the "caring" sort of friend. I provide tactical solutions and martial skills training to counter threats to family and self.

As a result I remember Marta for being that person who sends me nightly reports on gunfights with armed gangs, undercover plainclothes operations to bust rackets and **** gangs, etc. It was hair raising living a real life Hollywood style police story but I realize now it was a special thing after all.

To have brought a bullied, abused, helpless person from the verge of suicide, to a role she could only think of in her dreams.

This is actually the reason why I personally (in both RL and STO) adopt the inexperienced and teach them how to fish, literally speaking.

And if you see those lady Captains in short skirts and high boots kicking butt in Elite Ground STFs... well, that can and was done IRL as well
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
05-29-2012, 11:50 PM
I want my friends to have my corpse stuffed so i dont miss any parties.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
05-29-2012, 11:58 PM
What is shall pass , What was shall be.
Those who Die to this world merely move beyond the river and wait for the rest of us.
Never fear death.
Everyone who has ever lived dies eventually but not one of them ever truely ends..

I hope that helps you.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5
05-30-2012, 12:15 AM
I just dont think of death its unavoidable if u think about it it just drags you down enjoy you life to its fullest be it gameing or spending time with loved ones or anything in between I feel for your loss and how your family treats you but their opinion of u does not matter the only thing that matters is your opinion of yourself

:p:pHope that helps:p:p
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
05-30-2012, 10:09 PM
Dealing with the loss of family, and friends ,is difficult. One of my friends just lost a battle with cancer a few weeks ago.He left behind a wife, and two sons, who will never see him on their graduation days, or their wedding days. Its pretty amazing how early in life we look to our parents for help, and guidance.In later years they turn back to us for the same.
I feel fortunate to still have my parents.I try to treasure the time I still have with them. I also had a friend killed by someone texting while driving last year.He only crossed the street to get coffee and donuts for his friends at work. The driver ran the red light.The ironic thing was our fire engine was the first responder to arrive, after the police.He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.
The only legacy I think I have so far is my name on several military, and local Fire department Plaques. Depressing when I think about it. They say true legacy begins with your children, I hope someday to be fortunate enough to find that out.
I feel sorry about the loss you will endure.I believe that I too, will miss my mother when her time comes. She has been a wonderful person, and in my earlier life, when times were tough, she always put her children's needs before her own.That I will never forget.
Love life, do right by the people who matter most to you, and you will certainly never be forgotten, good sir. This is what little wisdom an idiot who runs into danger, that other people run from, can give.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 7
05-31-2012, 05:27 AM
I have been down those dark roads black...

my prayers are with you.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 8
05-31-2012, 05:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackV7

SNIP...

What legacy have you left behind that make folks remember you?

I know when my time comes, I would love it to be a time of celebration of a new beginning or journey. Not some traditional wake, but one where perhaps I can leave a 1/2hr long video diary and tell everyone to bust out the cake and ice cream. Too many tears have been shed, remember my life and not my passing.

What legacy would you like to leave behind?
I suppose my take on Death is possible a bit different than yours… but I’d like to share it anyway! This past year, my wife and I lost seven close family members.

As Christians, we celebrate the passing of loved ones, their lives, their effect on our lives and their effect on all those whom knew them; we celebrated even as we ourselves grieved at the thought of their current and future absence in our lives. However, we have our faith in the promise of Christ and believe that this absence is not permanent. Therefore our grief is less because the prospect of the future is hope! We do not fear to not be remembered because Christ will be remembered.

That might not make any sense to you…

Now to answer your question, the legacy I hope to leave behind is the trail of people who came to know Christ through me. That and hopefully someday my children, of whom it would be my desire for their hearts to know that I loved them well.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 9
05-31-2012, 08:07 AM
I went through a similar hospice experience with my mother a few years back. I've always been close to my parents, so it really felt like losing part of myself. The only luck she seemed to have was that she went from being able to walk around and interact with family a couple days before the end.

I don't think there's a way to deal with such a situation well. It's just a matter of dealing with it poorly or very poorly. I was forever changed by it for the worse. After she was gone, it took a year before I felt any ambition to do anything again. To this day I'm still not a functioning member of society, not as I want to be.

To answer your question about a legacy... I decided from this experience that I don't want children. (That might not be what you meant.) I've struggled with the loss so hard that I decided I probably have a gene line that should just stop with me. I don't want to put another being, especially one I love, through the experience I've had the last few years.

The only advice I have is to be careful who you discuss your problems with. A board like this probably isn't the best place to open up to people. All it takes is one troll to give you more anger than you've ever experienced in your lifetime. I'd suggest you open up to a smaller group of people who you know instead.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 10
05-31-2012, 08:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by hort_wort View Post
The only advice I have is to be careful who you discuss your problems with. A board like this probably isn't the best place to open up to people. All it takes is one troll to give you more anger than you've ever experienced in your lifetime. I'd suggest you open up to a smaller group of people who you know instead.

+1

This is truth.

Though, if I were to let loose requests for personal advice / issues in a generally trustworthy and mature forum environment, STO is on the top of my list there.

There are trolls just like all other internet communities but there seems to be honor amongst STO trolls too. They don't intrude into serious or good-natured threads
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