Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 1 The Other Starfleet?
06-08-2012, 02:58 AM
"The Other Starfleet?" by sandukutupu

Federation
Any Level
Comical/Satire

Lots of words, choices, and options too.

Chapter 17
In a far away land known as Michigan, a young German farmboy teams up with a crazy old hermit, two androids, and an ace fighter pilot. Together they plot to save the daughter of Lord Borf from the clutches of the evil Dark Eluder. Unknown to our heroes Dark Eluder has imprisoned her aboard his battle station called the Pain Planet....

But this has nothing to do with your mission. You are going to be summoned by Admiral Quinn shortly for a very 'different' adventure.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 2
06-08-2012, 03:14 AM
that's random enough to get me to play it tonight.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 3
06-08-2012, 09:37 AM
Got my attention.... oddly enough. Careful this may make the video review on STO-Ned
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 4
06-09-2012, 08:19 AM
Thanks for playing guys, now to quickly address an issue;

grylak said; "The visits to Spacedock were pointless... The frenegi called me human... but an interesting plot."

Thanks for the kind words grylak. To fix these issues; I am replacing the "humon" with Starfleet and the trip to Spacedock might seem pointless but is just my way of giving the player an intermission. I am an old lady in real life and I have to go pee sometimes. Sometimes I get kicked in the middle of a mission. As you all know starting where you left off gives you many loading screens before you get back to your bookmark. Also the stop over at Spacedock is also to sell items in your inventory or as I said in the mission refit the ship. I could omit the last visit. But since you can transwarp to Spacedock is this a very big issue?

Also I have noticed some things I messed up on like the typo "driods" instead of "droids"...

PLEASE tell me this stuff people!!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 5
06-09-2012, 09:07 AM
It wasn't so much as the travel time, it was loading up 4 screens (sol system, then spacedock interior, then sol system, then back to sector space) just to get one comm message that could have been handled via the ship comms, especially given how ESD has a tendancy to load slow due to all the players running around there. By all means, have little intermissions, I liked the zipping about to other systems. I just felt having to go through all that loading was pointless for what we got from the mission. If we met someone face to face, or had a couple of other little objectives while on spacedock interior, like getting something that was essential for the ship's refit, or even having little incidents with the secretary (I can't remember his name), it would have made waiting through those loading screens a bit more worth it. Or we got the comm while in the sol system map, so we don't have to load up the inside map if we want to carry on straight away.

I would have gone into more detail in my review, but space is limited on those things.

As well as the plot, I also really liked that secretary guy, and the conversation on DS9 about time dilation.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 6
06-09-2012, 06:52 PM
Ok I don't know how, but I will see what I can do about fixing that part of the mission. I already updated the "humon" replacing it with the line "small lobed Starfleet toady". I just wasn't thinking on that one. I asked my husband what ferengi called the people on DS9 and he said human but they pronounced it humon with the emphasis on the MON.

Also fixed that button to enter the Llaiir System, the other was almost exactly like the one to explore it. I found out by teaming up, I had to leave my team at Spacedock and after the comms I had to rejoin my team member.
So there are other issues with the Spacedock.

Ensign Wendy Hardy (my maiden name) Ensign Mike Black and Ensign Steve Parker will return in a future mission. At that time Lieutenant Wendy Hardy will be a warp field engineer, who still doesn't believe in warp field theory. Even though she has made many trips by that time, she will insist that it works on the same principles of voodoo and witchcraft.

I hope everyone knows the real reason I had you go to the Malon System instead of directly to DS9. But that worked out as a pretty good gag too.

I had so much more jokes I wanted to but I will save them for a sequel.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 7
06-10-2012, 08:19 AM
Yeah, the Ferengi did pronounce it Hew-mon, but that was only humans that got called that. It's fine if you are talking to a human character, but a little odd if you are any other species (I did like that, it just seemed a little odd).


I didn't get a joke out of the Malon system, other than the Ensign was a fool who screwed everything up. Or was it a ploy by the raiders to trap you?

Sounds like Hardy is going to be a fun character interacting with in the future.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 8
06-11-2012, 11:39 AM
When you make a map transition starting in the Beta Ursae Sector Block there is no door for Bajor or DS9. The closest door is the Malon System. I thought about using the Cryptic map of DS9, but then you end up with another map transition loading anyway. I have place a cadet who talks about there being a holiday so no trading is allowed. This explains the lack of people inside the station.

I don't know if many players will get the jokes since these were pretty obscure, but if you play again I made the ferengi say "You small lobed Starfleet toady..." to my understanding calling people's ears small is also a ferengi insult. So far, no one has commented about Ensign Parker saying, "Oh felgercarb!".

I will continue to make improvements to this mission -- especially with help from players like you.

I have also started working on the sequel based on the 3 ensigns at DS9 two of which have been promoted to Lieutenant. They will accompany you on another bizarre mission. Both my sons and my husband are helping write the jokes up so they should be less obscure this time around.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 9
06-11-2012, 01:45 PM
Oh be sure to let me know when that next mission is up. I loved those guys on DS9.

I honestly didn't register a lack of people on DS9, but saying something like there's a Bajoran holiday, so the place is quiet, is a great idea. The show often hosted Bajoran holidays, and although it normally had everyone going to the station, it would be perfectly reasonable to say everyone went to Bajor for it this year. Bajor is only 3-5 hours away, depending on where Bajor is in it's orbit, so that's a good idea.

A comment on Oh Felgercarb? Loved it. It's comments like that which is why I liked those guys on DS9. It may just be me, but I love daft sayings like that. And yes, small lobed is a Ferengi insult. It's similar to a human calling someone a scared little girl, as Ferengi females have smaller lobes than the males.

The Malon joke wouldn't be one you get unless you know there's no door at bajor/ds9. I did wonder why it started there, but put it down to the secretary (I really wish i could remember all their names) being... well.... him.

I'm happy to help provide ongoing feedback with people's missions. I just wish someone would start giving feedback on mine.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 120
# 10
06-11-2012, 02:31 PM
LoL Ensign Pervis Gelfington (Sanitation Engineer First Class) and some other characters won't be back for obvious reasons. I am not going to rush it, I am working on my script in Open Office (using spell checker) and I am going to try to do something unique with the Foundry. I just hope and pray, that this "new and improved" version Cryptic is cooking up doesn't break something. As the foundry wasn't accessible on my account the whole month of May. But now I have 7 out of 8 slots available.

Well back to the writing.
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