Republic Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 10
# 131
07-05-2012, 07:00 PM
Mission Name: Blood of the Paw
Author: Desdecardo
Minimum Level: 16+ level requirement
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HLNVIMLQF
Estimated Mission Length: 30min
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

I updated it since I originally posted the project. Just want all possible feedback on it.
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@Desdecardo since 2008.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 789
# 132
07-05-2012, 10:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aelogria View Post
Mission Name: Blood of the Paw
Author: Desdecardo
Minimum Level: 16+ level requirement
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HLNVIMLQF
Estimated Mission Length: 30min
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

I updated it since I originally posted the project. Just want all possible feedback on it.
Hey aelogria, AKA Desdecardo,

Thanks for the review request. You are 12th in the queue behind nrobbiec. I plan to work on the queue starting tomorrow morning. Hopefully I can get through a couple of missions this weekend. I?ll post the review here in the forums when I am done.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 789
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bazag
Wow - long queue Brian.

I'm sorry but I'm going to have to give you more work.

I just published Kai Hard by Bazag. Lvl 31+

Look forward to hearing what you think when you are able to finally get around to it.
Federation Mission - Kai Hard
Author: Bazag
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HQ6ZY7JSD

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with several tough, but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I thoroughly enjoyed this mission and would highly recommend it to any player who likes those elements in a mission.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. The [OOC] dialogue at the end made me laugh. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location of the NPC as part of the story. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Deep Space Nine (Cryptic Map): This is a good use of the Cryptic map assets. The story dialogue you developed for this map is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The response button "Luck? Who needa luuxk." to read "Luck? Who needs luck? ".

Gamma Quadrant Star System: This is a good map design with a good battle and very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Makeshift Village: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" for the BOFF reports. Consider changing them to something more in line with the dialogue. For example on the initial report the response could be "Let's move out" or something along those lines.
-The "Opaka" dialogue; consider changing "the day my pagh and the Emissary's would cross" to read "the day my path and the Emissary's would cross".
-Consider changing "get a message out there howmuch of it went through" to read "get a message out there how much of it went through".
-Consider changing "but there are many amung the people here who may take up arms" to read "but there are many among the people here who may take up arms".
-Consider changing "I'm getting the data now sir, There are multiple biomechanical" to read "I'm getting the data now sir. There are multiple biomechanical".

Underground Cave System: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "If his not right" to read "If he's not right".
-The post "Check the prisoners" dialogue; consider changing "Yes, You must be" to read "Yes, you must be".

Makeshift Village: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial spawn point. One of my BOFFs was stuck in the hillside at the spawn point. I could not free the BOFF no matter what I tried. This might be an isolated incident but one I thought you should be aware of.
-The "Opaka" dialogue; consider changing "Thank you [NickName]" to read Thank you [Rank]".

Gamma Quadrant Star System: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Dreg" dialogue; consider changing "All ship engage and disable" to read "All ships engage and disable".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and I thoroughly enjoyed playing it. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 07/06/2012 on forum posting for: The Updated Consolidate List of Bazag Missions.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,922
# 134
07-06-2012, 11:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
I have found that reach markers on space maps do function if the player is within the radius of the marker when it becomes active. Perhaps try using an object, then the player would also be able to see it on the map.

Brian
You mean "don't function"? Otherwise your statement doesn't make sense, both in relation to my design or general Cryptic functionality.

Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Federation Mission - Kai Hard
Author: Bazag
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HQ6ZY7JSD

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with several tough, but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I thoroughly enjoyed this mission and would highly recommend it to any player who likes those elements in a mission.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. The [OOC] dialogue at the end made me laugh. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location of the NPC as part of the story. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Deep Space Nine (Cryptic Map): This is a good use of the Cryptic map assets. The story dialogue you developed for this map is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The response button "Luck? Who needa luuxk." to read "Luck? Who needs luck? ".

Gamma Quadrant Star System: This is a good map design with a good battle and very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Makeshift Village: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue" for the BOFF reports. Consider changing them to something more in line with the dialogue. For example on the initial report the response could be "Let's move out" or something along those lines.
-The "Opaka" dialogue; consider changing "the day my pagh and the Emissary's would cross" to read "the day my path and the Emissary's would cross".
-Consider changing "get a message out there howmuch of it went through" to read "get a message out there how much of it went through".
-Consider changing "but there are many amung the people here who may take up arms" to read "but there are many among the people here who may take up arms".
-Consider changing "I'm getting the data now sir, There are multiple biomechanical" to read "I'm getting the data now sir. There are multiple biomechanical".

Underground Cave System: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "If his not right" to read "If he's not right".
-The post "Check the prisoners" dialogue; consider changing "Yes, You must be" to read "Yes, you must be".

Makeshift Village: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial spawn point. One of my BOFFs was stuck in the hillside at the spawn point. I could not free the BOFF no matter what I tried. This might be an isolated incident but one I thought you should be aware of.
-The "Opaka" dialogue; consider changing "Thank you [NickName]" to read Thank you [Rank]".

Gamma Quadrant Star System: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Dreg" dialogue; consider changing "All ship engage and disable" to read "All ships engage and disable".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and I thoroughly enjoyed playing it. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 07/06/2012 on forum posting for: The Updated Consolidate List of Bazag Missions.
If I'm not mistaken, "pagh" is somewhat similar to "path" in Bajoran... try checking on Memory Alpha, just to be sure.

Also, one thing I noticed: It's the Idran System, so unless it's a random GQ system, it should be called the Idran system, not the GQ Star System.

Edit: I meant to say that the system on the other end of the wormhole is the Idran system, not that the ingame system is the Idran system - here I am, asking about whether you made a typo and commenting on what I think are misinterpretations on your end (the first and second quotes respectively), and then I break my sentence more badly than what I thought was a typo would have broken yours.
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Oh, lovely, I can't even requote the Douglas Adams quote I used to have here I WANT IT BACK!!!!
Dalo Lorn
DaloLorn, StarCraft 2 Roleplayer and proud of it.

Last edited by dalolorn; 07-06-2012 at 11:18 AM.
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 390
# 135
07-06-2012, 11:48 AM
I assumed it was pah
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 789
# 136
07-06-2012, 01:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by dalolorn View Post
You mean "don't function"? Otherwise your statement doesn't make sense, both in relation to my design or general Cryptic functionality.
Correct. That should?ve read "do not function". Thanks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dalolorn View Post
If I'm not mistaken, "pagh" is somewhat similar to "path" in Bajoran... try checking on Memory Alpha, just to be sure.
I do not translate the specific language of the game unless it is apparent that is what they intended. Since the dialogue prior to and after the word "pagh" is in Standard English my assumption was the word was misspelled. Since the report was intended for Bazag he can decide what to do with that recommendation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dalolorn View Post
Also, one thing I noticed: It's the Idran System, so unless it's a random GQ system, it should be called the Idran system, not the GQ Star System.

Edit: I meant to say that the system on the other end of the wormhole is the Idran system, not that the ingame system is the Idran system - here I am, asking about whether you made a typo and commenting on what I think are misinterpretations on your end (the first and second quotes respectively), and then I break my sentence more badly than what I thought was a typo would have broken yours.
The map names are as the author wrote them. I take screen shots of all missions to ensure I get the map names correct as well as double check spelling of dialogue. When an author chooses an existing Cryptic star map with a system and other features they can name it whatever they desire in order to tell their story. I suspect your "nitpicking" has gotten the best of you.

Thanks for the feedback,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 789
# 137
07-06-2012, 01:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by nrobbiec View Post
I assumed it was pah
As I indicated in my response to I do not translate the specific language of the game unless it is apparent that is what they intended. Since the dialogue is in Standard English before and after the word "pagh" my assumption was the word was misspelled. The specific word was "pagh" in the dialogue. I just verified that from the screen shot I took of the dialogue. In the end it is up to Bazag to decide what he intended. If he was going for the Bajoran word then he can ignore the note from me regarding the word being misspelled. Unless of course you are right and he meant to use the Bajoran word but also misspelled it "pagh"

Thanks for the feedback,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 789
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skyline475 View Post
I've re-done the first episode in The Wave Empire. Hopefully now it flows a lot smoother battle wise, and does not brake immersion due to spelling errors.

The only thing I haven't done is the "open city" feel you talked about once you land in Loerina. I'm afraid that will have to be put on hold till I go back and polish the entire series after all those foundry goodies come out that we keep hearing so much about xD (Crossing fingers for cutscene tools)

I would love for another review when you get the chance. You where such a help the first time I thought I'd ask again. ^.^

Federation Mission - The Wave Empire Ep.1
Author: Skyline475
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAP9J34R0
Est. Time: 45min
Federation Mission - The Wave Empire Ep.1 (Re-Review)
Author: Skyline475
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAP9J34R0

----------Report Start -----------

Summary: This is a great mission with excellent map design and several tough but fun battles. I still would not like to play this on Elite but the support units you added to some of the battles make it a lot better than before. The story dialogue is very well written and you made almost all of the corrections from my previous report. There are still a couple here and there but it is a whole lot better than before. I really enjoyed the mission and would definitely recommend this mission to other players.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammar errors in this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammar errors in this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors in this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammar errors in this prompt.

MAPS:
The Wave Empire Star Gate: This is a good map design with well written dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "Shall I proceed through the Wrap Gate, [Rank]" to read "Shall I proceed through the warp gate, [Rank]".

Atlantis: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Atlantis Docking Station Delta: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Loerina: This is a very nice map design with a lot of details, but the dialogue does not support the need for this map. The map transfer dialogue alludes to the people seeming too good to be true, but how would the player know that since they have interacted with no one other than the "Transporter Operator" on this map. Consider changing the nature of this map to allow the player to explore the city a little and talk to some of the locals. This could be done by giving the player the option when talking to the "Transporter Operator" add another response button that says "I?m going to look around a little" or something along those lines. You can then set this to use small objects to trigger optional dialogue with the various NPCs spread across the map. If the player chooses not to select that button then the optional dialogue is not available. Objects used to trigger optional dialogue allows the author to add branching dialogue that will also disappear after the player interacts with it. Do not use NPC to trigger the optional dialogue. There are several tutorials available on StarBase UGC that can walk you through creating the optional dialogue using trigger objects.

Ascended Council: This is a nice map design. The story dialogue is well written but seems rather short. Consider adding a little more detail to the interaction with Ascended Loriyen. You should also add object triggered optional dialogue with the other NPCs spread across this map. This would give the player the ability to find out a little more about the Waveloids and would flesh out the story a little more. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The NPC to the right front of the "Ascended Loriyen" is labeled "UGC Contact".
-Consider changing "I have the authority to grant you such premission" to read "I have the authority to grant you such permission".
-Consider changing "Step onto the platform on the east side of the room" to read "Step onto the platform on the west side of the room". The platform is actually located on the west side of the room.

Ascended Council Member Uioda?s Living Quarters: The map design is good with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post scan dialogue; consider changing the response button "Set Weapons to Kill" to read "Set weapons to kill".
-The post "Check Unidentified Vulcan" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], shes dead" to read "[Rank], she's dead".
-Consider changing "Also, notice theres blood comming" to read "Also notice there's blood coming from".
-Consider changing "I might be able to tell you more after I can examine her in more deatil on the [ShipName]" to read "I might be able to tell you more after I examine her in more detail on the [ShipName]".

Ascended Council#2: The map design is good with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Loerina#2: The map design is good with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Atlantis Docking Station Delta#2: The map design is good with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Atlantis#2: This is a good map design with several tough battles but the support ships you added are a good addition to the fighting. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-I like the way you explained why that the Devidians are attacking using Hirogen ships, but consider changing the use of "Hirojen" to read "Hirogen" throughout the dialogue.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 07/06/2012 on forum posting for: The Wave Empire Series.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".

Last edited by evil70th; 07-06-2012 at 01:53 PM.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 789
# 139
07-06-2012, 04:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by grylak View Post
Curious. I didn't notice that when I played through the published version. I did change the planet from the version it was on Jeroan Space 1, from class m to class x. I'll try changing the background to a more standard starry one, see if that makes a difference. Unless it's a result of a Foundry update that went in after I tested it.
Hi grylak,

I went into one of my development missions to see if I could figure out what you used. The effect is called "Heatwaves Effect". I think that is the effect you placed on that map. I've included the shot so you can see what I am talking about.



This is the effect I was referring to.

Thanks,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 989
# 140
07-06-2012, 05:16 PM
The hell? It loaded properly when I tested the map. I think I did have Heatwave effect set on that map, to help with the effect of the event, but it didn't put out any kind of effect when I played the publish version, let alone do something that..... crazy. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Consider that effect removed ASAP and not used at all in the future. Especially if the earlier map like this one was loading properly.


Although this would be interesting if used in a "Oh crap, we are stuck in a grey universe dimension" mission. But then, I fear not everyone would suffer that.
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A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
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