Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
# 181
07-19-2012, 08:49 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by nrobbiec View Post
The sequel to Jus In Bello

Name: SixSickSlickSlimSycamoreSaplings
Author: nrobbiec
Faction Fed
ID: ST-HNVYRAHKJ
Level 46+
This is the mission you want to withdraw, correct?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nrobbiec View Post
Hey Evil can I withdraw my review requests for my later missions and just leave Thy Own Enemy in the queue?
No problem. Your "Thy Own Enemy" mission is next in the queue as soon as they restore the Foundry missions to play. Of course they would do this when I have the week off to play.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
# 182
07-19-2012, 09:00 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0 View Post
Don't apologize for having a real life. It sounds like a cool job, have fun in comic-con!
I had a blast. I got to see lots of cool stuff and several things I wish I could un-see...

Several members of the cast of TNG was there signing autographs in the "Lightspeed" booth as always, including Brent Spiner, Marina Sirtis, Gates McFadden, and LeVar Burton. It was nice to see them, but I had a job to do running the exhibits floor.

Now as soon as the Foundry comes back online I can get to work here too. In the meantime maybe I'll start a new character.

Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
# 183 The queue as of this posting
07-19-2012, 09:11 AM
Hopefully the Foundry will be restored soon and I can continue with the reviews. Here is the queue as it stands right now:

Mission 1: Thy Own Enemy Author: nrobbiec

Mission 2: Shadows of the Past Author: backyardserenade

Mission 3: Star Trek: Allegiance Author: chicochavez

Mission 4: A Holo Peace Author: starkofthenorth

Mission 5: Jus In Bello Author: nrobbiec

Mission 6: Sink the Bismarck! Author: drogyn1701

Mission 7: The heart of your enemy Author: diogene0

Mission 8: Blood of the Paw Author: Desdecardo

Mission 9: ABI-Artificial Borg Intelligence Author: Duke-of-Rock

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 390
# 184
07-19-2012, 11:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
This is the mission you want to withdraw, correct?
Yes, both that and Jus In Bello please.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
# 185
07-20-2012, 08:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by nrobbiec View Post
Yes, both that and Jus In Bello please.
Both are now withdrawn from the queue.

Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
# 186
07-28-2012, 12:08 AM
Well I was just on and it looks like Foundry missions are available again, but authors still do not have access yet. I plan to hold off review of anyone's mission until authors have access to the Foundry again.

Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 115
# 187
07-28-2012, 07:59 PM
I've checked over my mission and it appears it made it through with no bugs. I'd like to you review it as is before I start messing with it, if nothing more just to see where I'm at.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
# 188 Getting back to the queue
08-02-2012, 10:44 PM
It looks like the Foundry has been restored. I will get started back on the queue tomorrow. This is the queue as it stands right now:

Mission 1: Thy Own Enemy Author: nrobbiec

Mission 2: Shadows of the Past Author: backyardserenade

Mission 3: Star Trek: Allegiance Author: chicochavez

Mission 4: A Holo Peace Author: starkofthenorth

Mission 5: Sink the Bismarck! Author: drogyn1701

Mission 6: The heart of your enemy Author: diogene0

Mission 7: Blood of the Paw Author: Desdecardo

Mission 8: ABI-Artificial Borg Intelligence Author: Duke-of-Rock

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
Quote:
Originally Posted by nrobbiec
I'd like a review of my first Foundry mission if that's alright.

Title: Thy Own Enemy
Author: nrobbiec
Faction: Fed

I don't think it's a very long mission, it just was to learn how to use the Foundry before I attempt any story arcs and such.
Federation Mission - Thy Own Enemy
Author: nrobbiec
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HF7FHIQ84

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: It is a nice, relatively short mission with a good and simple story. For a first mission you did a great job. The map designs are very well done and have some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written throughout the mission and I noted no spelling or grammatical errors at all.

I also noted the enemy mobs you used are Klingons skinned to look like the aliens. This is only a mild distraction from the overall combat portion of the mission. It is a detail that you should consider changing. Perhaps use Orions as the mob with the alien skins. This would give you the combat, both energy weapon and hand to hand while not having distinctive weapons like the bat'leth.

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. You may want to consider adding more story background to help draw the player in and make them want to click "Hail".

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. You may want to consider adding more to draw the player in and make them want to click "Accept".

Mission Task: Despite your inclusion of the start location for the first custom map you should consider adding it to the initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
USS Armistice: This is a good map design with well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Wagner System: This is a good map design and the dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding dialogue that directs the player to head to the station to contact the ambassador.

Wagner IV Station: This is a nice map design with good dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Access" interactions seemed a little short on story to justify the tasks. Consider beefing them up with more information.
-The additional NPC characters scattered around the station provide you with the chance to add optional dialogue that can add to the story. You can create the dialogue using triggers to make them available for the player, but not part of the story itself. This would allow you to get rid of the dialogue once the player interacts with it or reaches a certain point on the map.

Wagner System#2: This is a good map design with a nice battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Wagner IV: This is a nice map design with some tough battles and good story dialogue. The enemy mobs were noticeably Klingon despite the skin. I will cover this in more detail in the summary.

R&D Capital: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. The enemy mob use of weapons gives away the nature of the mob skinned as aliens. I will cover this in the summary.

Wagner System#3: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and is a good ending to the mission.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job, especially since this was your first mission in the Foundry. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.

Last edited by evil70th; 08-03-2012 at 05:56 PM.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
Quote:
Originally Posted by backyardserenade View Post
Hello,

I would like to hear your opinion on my first mission. Would be happy if you find the time.


Mission Name: Shadows of the Past
Author: backyardserenade
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHG6JJ82J
Estimated Mission Length: 30+ minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post (here)

There's also a STOWiki site with some further information:
http://www.stowiki.org/Foundry:Shado...T-HHG6JJ82J%29

Thanks in advance!
Federation Mission - Shadows of the Past
Author: backyardserenade
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHG6JJ82J

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. Considering that English is not your primary language. I'd say you did a very good job with your writing for this mission. You should consider adding in skip dialogue throughout the mission. This will help speed your mission completion up. Your map design is very well done and very detailed in many aspects. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who loves a great story combined with good maps and tough but fun battles.

The use of hidden objects as triggers for optional dialogue allows the author to add more to the story without increasing the storyline. Once the player accesses that part of the story then the prompt goes away. With a standard NPC used as a contact the dialogue remains even after the player has accessed it. I would highly recommend this method of creating optional dialogue. There is a tutorial regarding this on Starbase UGC along with s full set of tutorials on that site.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a nice grant dialogue with just enough detail to make the player want to "Accept" the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding additional buttons to the post "Grant Mission" dialogue. When the Admiral asks if the person knows of the attacks let them choose. If they say yea then you can use it as a "skip dialogue" so they can get right into the mission with a summary.

Mission Task: This is a good initial mission task with a clear location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Toron System: This is a good map with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

S.S. Ratosha Bridge: This is a good map design with a fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Believe me, [[Rank]], I didn?t want to destroy" to read "Believe me, [Rank], I didn't want to destroy".
-Consider changing the response button "You deserve a recommendation" to read "You deserve a commendation".

S.S. Ratosha Cargo Area: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Janara: About yourself" dialogue; consider changing the response button "Ververmind" to read ""Never mind"".

Toron System Asteroid Belt: This is a good map design with fun battle. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Celestial Temple: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Terok Nor Promenade: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "For all we know the Prophets have send us back here" to read "For all we know the Prophets have sent us back here".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue using hidden objects located with the NPC you want to have optional dialogue.

Terok Nor Docking Ring: This is an excellent and very detailed map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue using hidden objects located with the NPC you want to have optional dialogue. From this point I will only note the map and will cover this in the summary.

Terok Nor Habitat Ring: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.

Toron Asteroid Belt: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.

Toron Asteroid Belt: This is a nice map design and a good wrap up to the mission. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will be covered in the summary.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job on this mission from start to finish. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
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