Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,445
# 191
08-04-2012, 12:24 AM
Looks like you're getting your chance to catch up!
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
# 192
08-04-2012, 07:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zorbane View Post
Looks like you're getting your chance to catch up!
Yep. It feels good to be back in stride again. I spent the last few weeks playing an engineering character, which I?ve never played before. I had a lot of fun, and now it?s time to get back to the reviews, which I enjoy too. I actually spent some time playing around in the Foundry since it reopened and I like a lot of the new stuff.

Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 388
# 193
08-04-2012, 08:50 AM
Hi Evil, thanks for the kind review.

Regarding the Klingon skin, this was on purpose. I probably could've made it clearer in the mission but I wanted to imply that the Federation didn't respond to the disaster of the test flight and so the logical move would be for the survivors to ally with the KDF
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
# 194
08-04-2012, 10:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by nrobbiec View Post
Hi Evil, thanks for the kind review.

Regarding the Klingon skin, this was on purpose. I probably could've made it clearer in the mission but I wanted to imply that the Federation didn't respond to the disaster of the test flight and so the logical move would be for the survivors to ally with the KDF
Glad I could help and I really enjoyed the mission. I probably missed the dialogue about the disaster and the aliens being driven towards the KDF, so in that regard the skins make sense.

Still a good mission and I would recommend it to other players.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
Quote:
Originally Posted by chicochavez View Post
I've got my first ever mission up and would love your opinion:

Mission Name: Star Trek: Allegiance
Author: chicochavez
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HTZQSHUM2
Estimated Mission Length: 30+ min
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Federation Mission - Star Trek: Allegiance
Author: chicochavez
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HTZQSHUM2

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. The only real thing I think you should consider is adding "Skip Dialogue" buttons with a summary of the information for the longer dialogue. That way the player has the option to just get the information they need to continue the mission. As for the mission I was completely pulled into the story, and without giving away anything in the story, I was suspicious of the antagonists' motives from the beginning. I would highly recommend this mission to any player who likes a combination of good map design, tough, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue.

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a well written and intriguing description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "This dissent can harmless" to read "This dissent can be harmless".

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location for the first NPC contact to start the mission. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Starfleet Academy (Cryptic Map) : This is a good use of the Cryptic map as a bridge to the mission. You provided a clear location for the start of the first custom map. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Academy Cadet dialogue; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Thank you cadet" or something along those lines.

Holodeck 3: This is a good map design with excellent dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Briar Patch: This is an excellent map design with some fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Command Center: This is a great map design with tough but fun battles and very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Computer Core: This is a good map design with a tough but fun battle. The story dialogue is very compelling. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Ferengi Lock Boxes" reference is funny but is a little bit of a distraction to the feel of the mission. Consider changing it to something else or just a straight response to the dialogue.

Briar Patch: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Vice Admiral Rodriguez dialogue; consider changing "[LastName], We know what you've just done here" to read "[LastName], we know what you've just done here".

U.S.S. Hartford - Bridge: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue that wraps up the mission nicely. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I am looking forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future, especially the continuation of this series. I noted that the review system for foundry missions seems to be offline; otherwise I would have left a 5 star rating for this mission.
Brian

This critique report also filed 08/04/2012 on forum posting for: Star Trek: Allegiance (my first mission).
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
Quote:
Originally Posted by starkofthenorth View Post
Hello again. I have another one for you. Now that the challenge is over I would like you to review my submission, wich took third place (tied).

Title: A Holo Peace
Federation Mission - A Holo Peace
Author: starkofthenorth
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HCDDB7SUD

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with excellent map design, tough battles, and great story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors or any issues with the map designs anywhere in the mission. I would highly recommend this mission to all players who like these elements in a mission. I would have rated this mission with 5 stars but the in game rating system appears to be offline.

Mission Description: This is an intriguing description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a very detailed and well written grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

MAPS:
Zimmerman Belt: This is a good map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Outpost 39384: This is a good map with very well written and detailed dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Hunter Simulation 342: This is a great map design, although the blinding snow is a little annoying it is still a good map design with several very challenging battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Outpost 39384#2: This is a good map design with a fun battle. The story dialogue is very well written and a good wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the development of this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 08/04/2012 on forum posting for: A Holo Peace, by Gingie (Redux).
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Empire Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,202
# 197
08-04-2012, 03:31 PM
My mission should be ready for season 6. I think I caught most of the errors the transition created, but I'm not sure about that, and the new editor gives me headeaches. It should be playable though. I hope it won't give you additional small work when you review my mission.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
# 198
08-04-2012, 03:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0 View Post
My mission should be ready for season 6. I think I caught most of the errors the transition created, but I'm not sure about that, and the new editor gives me headeaches. It should be playable though. I hope it won't give you additional small work when you review my mission.
I am getting ready to start "Sink the Bismark!" by drogyn1701 here shortly. Yours should be shortly after that.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.

Last edited by evil70th; 08-04-2012 at 03:39 PM.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 75
# 199
08-04-2012, 05:45 PM
Got one for you Evil.

It is for the Foundry Challenge, and completed. I want some feedback so I can make the mission excellent.


Title: Mudds' Treasures
Handle: @Q400
Faction: Federation
Estimated Length: Unknown
ID: ST-HBL2ES8IC


Note: I am finalizing the dialouge as we speak; it is not done. Some dialouge may not make sense.
" Nature Decays, but latinum lasts forever."
Original Handle: @Q400
Join Date: December 2010
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 713
Quote:
Originally Posted by drogyn1701 View Post
Seems you've got quite the queue now Evil70th. I suppose I'd better add my new one now before it gets even longer

Mission Title: Sink the Bismarck!
Faction: Federation
Level: 31+
Start: Wolf 359

A Starfleet admiral asks you to participate in the testing of an experimental AI system designed to make space travel safer. But when the system takes control of one of Starfleet's most powerful ships, it's up to you to hunt her down and Sink the Bismarck!

And as always thanks for all you do!
Federation Mission - Sink the Bismarck!
Author: drogyn1701
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HH3YAGDNU

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with excellent map design, great story dialogue, and a lot of tough battles. I would not recommend players try it on Elite level. Some of the ground battles are pretty tough on Normal and would most likely be impossible on Elite. Despite this I still would highly recommend this mission to other players as it drew me in with the story and map designs.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is simple and straight forward. The post "Accept" dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Utopia Planitia: This is a nice map design but there is hardly any dialogue to this map. In the subspace message the Admiral talks about not being able to discuss it over subspace. When the player arrives and says hello they are off to the test site. Consider adding dialogue that goes in depth on what the project is about. Also consider using triggered dialogue for the optional dialogue. That way after the player interacts with the NPC the optional dialogue goes away.

Test Area: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and your use of effects is very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Battle Bridge: This is a good map design with very well written story dialogue. I like the "hook it up on Tuesday" line. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Fire Phasers" dialogue; consider changing "minimla impact on their shields, sir" to read "Minimal impact on their shields, sir".

Antares Sector: This is a great map design. Your use of the single map to encompass three star systems with battles and other objects in each is excellent despite the lack of warp effects. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "We shoud start with" to read "We should start with".
-The "Intercessor" dialogue; consider changing "Oh, well if it isn't [Rank] [LastName], The" to read "Oh, well if it isn't [Rank] [LastName], the".
-The interference in the Jolanne System did not start until the fighters attacked despite the Science BOFF mentioning it.
-The response button to the map transition dialogue states "Keep working on those engines" but the previous dialogue the Science BOFF reports "We can go to warp again". Is that intentional?

Command Center: This is an excellent map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Yes admiral" to read "Yes Admiral".
-Consider changing the response button "Quikcly lieutenant" to read "Quickly Lieutenant".
-Consider changing "She's an Emissary Class cruiser" to read "She's an Emissary class cruiser".
-Consider changing the response button "If it is the Bismarck, what would she be doing her" to read "If it is the Bismarck, what would she be doing there".

Breyer System: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Terak" dialogue; consider changing "[Rank] This is Terak" to read "[Rank], this is Terak".

Bismarck Engineering Deck: This is a great map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map, especially due to the number of enemy mobs you placed in Main Engineering.
-The "Brunhilde" dialogue; consider changing "I observed him speaking with The Doctor concerning Holographic Rights" to read "I observed him speaking with the Doctor concerning Holographic rights".

Breyer System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and serves as a great wrap up to the mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Admiral Petrov, I'm sorry about all of this, I never mean for any of it to happen" to read "Admiral Petrov, I'm sorry about all of this, I never meant for any of it to happen".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission, and I would have rated it at 5 stars, but this feature appears to not be working. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 08/04/2012 on forum posting for: Consolidated list of Drogyn1701's missions.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.

Last edited by evil70th; 08-04-2012 at 06:15 PM.
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