Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 707
# 201
08-04-2012, 06:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by q403 View Post
Got one for you Evil.

It is for the Foundry Challenge, and completed. I want some feedback so I can make the mission excellent.


Title: Mudds' Treasures
Handle: @Q400
Faction: Federation
Estimated Length: Unknown
ID: ST-HBL2ES8IC


Note: I am finalizing the dialouge as we speak; it is not done. Some dialouge may not make sense.
Hey Q400,

Welcome back to the queue. Your are currently 4th in the queue behind Duke-of-Rock. I hope to continue this evening and tomorrow morning with the queue. With luck I'll wrap up another one tonight and hopefully get to yours by tomorrow evening. If not it will be shortly after that, so you have a little more time to work on it.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 115
# 202
08-04-2012, 07:44 PM
Thank you so much for the good review. I'll be looking over your suggestions and might be making a few changes. Hope to begin working on part 2 soon.

If I could ask one more favor, when reviews get turned back on could you go back and give that 5 star rating? Would really help with my placement in search
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 707
# 203
08-04-2012, 08:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by chicochavez View Post
Thank you so much for the good review. I'll be looking over your suggestions and might be making a few changes. Hope to begin working on part 2 soon.

If I could ask one more favor, when reviews get turned back on could you go back and give that 5 star rating? Would really help with my placement in search
I can do that.

Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 707
Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0 View Post
I guess I should ask for a review of my new misson as soon as possible.

Mission Name: The heart of your enemy
Author: diogene0
Minimum Level: +16
Allegiance: KDF
Estimated Mission Length: Up to 60 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum post.

I've polished it a lot more, so you should'nt have to report about so many small typo/caps/mistakes issues, hopefully. If you see a typo or caps issue, though, just tell me "one/several/many typo or caps to check on map N". It will save you time.

I also hope the story and maps are even better now, I've completely changed the way I create missions. You'll tell me.

Thanks for your help!
Klingon Mission - The heart of your enemy
Author: diogene0
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HFDC324BE

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a very long but fun combat oriented mission. There are great maps, glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to other players seeking long and glorious battles. There is just enough story dialogue to explain what is going on to keep the mission moving forward.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the time spent discussing about useless stuff" to read "the time spent discussing useless stuff".
-Consider changing "You will have to prompt this peoeple" to read "You will have to prompt these people".

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Deep into unknown space: This is a good map design with several glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Bridge of the heavy civilian transport: This is a good map design with some glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Enjoy your new living toy" dialogue; consider changing the response button "You want to leave" to read "You want to live". This would match the dialogue.

Ten minutes later: This is a nice map design with well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Deep into the transport ship: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Collect the heart" dialogue; consider changing "It's time to test the romulan equipment" to read "It's time to test the Romulan equipment".

Seedea III Orbit: This is a good map design with several glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Eliminate hostile ships" dialogue; consider changing "when we get back to Q'onos" to read "when we get back to Qo'noS".

Seedea III shipyard: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post "Find the source" dialogue; consider changing "They behave like romulans" to read "They behave like Romulans".
-Consider changing the response button "Scientits make me sick with their data" to read "Scientist make me sick with their data".
-The post "Overload the generator" dialogue; consider changing "One of the prototype just vanished" to read "One of the prototypes just vanished"
-Consider changing the mission task "Rescue the missing prototype" to read "Retrieve the mission prototype".
-The post "Rescue the missing prototype" dialogue; consider changing "Obiously they?re having trouble" to read "Obviously they?re having trouble".

Seedea III: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "We'll see that" to read "We'll see about that".
-The post "Defend your honour" dialogue; consider changing "but i'll do it my way" to read "but I?ll do it my way".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Deactivate the romulan transporter inhibitor[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Deactivate the Romulan transporter inhibitor[/MissionInfo]".

Seedea III Orbit #2: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Eliminate the romulan reinforcement[/MissionInfo]" to read MissionInfo]Eliminate the Romulan reinforcement[/MissionInfo]".

Holodeck of the main city of Seedea III: This is a good map design with a glorious battle of demons and well written story dialogue. It is a good wrap up to the mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Get rid of the daemons to clear the way for your brothers[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Get rid of the demons to clear the way for your brothers[/MissionInfo]".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this combat oriented mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 08/05/2012 on forum posting for: KDF mission : The heart of your enemy.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,754
# 205
08-05-2012, 02:58 AM
Well, I might add one too...

Title: Ghosts/Spirits of the Explorer, not sure which one to pick yet.
Description: TBA
Side: Federation
Starting Point: TBA
ID: Unknown
Rank: TBA, but at least 15 or 16+ due to featuring Devidians
Author: Well dalolorn, who else?!
Estimated Mission Length: TBA
Method of Delivery: Forum post, but this application is WAY too soon and just pointing out that there will (assuming the new Foundry actor display system doesn't scare me out of the Foundry before that) be a sequel to Exploratory Crisis that will need some reviewing.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, lovely, I can't even requote the Douglas Adams quote I used to have here I WANT IT BACK!!!!
Dalo Lorn
DaloLorn, StarCraft 2 Roleplayer and proud of it.
Empire Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,202
# 206
08-05-2012, 05:21 AM
Thanks for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'm satisfied that you didn't find any balance issue this time. I didn't intend to create a combat oriented mission, I wanted to create one where people could "feel" what it is to be a Klingon warrior, but I think I focused too much on filling the map with mobs and not enough on the story. Anyway, you liked it, and that's the most important thing, so I will just make the changes you suggested.
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,754
# 207
08-05-2012, 05:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Klingon Mission - The heart of your enemy
Author: diogene0
Allegiance: Klingon
Project ID: ST-HFDC324BE

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a very long but fun combat oriented mission. There are great maps, glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to other players seeking long and glorious battles. There is just enough story dialogue to explain what is going on to keep the mission moving forward.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the time spent discussing about useless stuff" to read "the time spent discussing useless stuff".
-Consider changing "You will have to prompt this peoeple" to read "You will have to prompt these people".

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Deep into unknown space: This is a good map design with several glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Bridge of the heavy civilian transport: This is a good map design with some glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Enjoy your new living toy" dialogue; consider changing the response button "You want to leave" to read "You want to live". This would match the dialogue.

Ten minutes later: This is a nice map design with well written dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Deep into the transport ship: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Collect the heart" dialogue; consider changing "It's time to test the romulan equipment" to read "It's time to test the Romulan equipment".

Seedea III Orbit: This is a good map design with several glorious battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Eliminate hostile ships" dialogue; consider changing "when we get back to Q'onos" to read "when we get back to Qo'noS".

Seedea III shipyard: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The post "Find the source" dialogue; consider changing "They behave like romulans" to read "They behave like Romulans".
-Consider changing the response button "Scientits make me sick with their data" to read "Scientist make me sick with their data".
-The post "Overload the generator" dialogue; consider changing "One of the prototype just vanished" to read "One of the prototypes just vanished"
-Consider changing the mission task "Rescue the missing prototype" to read "Retrieve the mission prototype".
-The post "Rescue the missing prototype" dialogue; consider changing "Obiously they?re having trouble" to read "Obviously they?re having trouble".

Seedea III: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "We'll see that" to read "We'll see about that".
-The post "Defend your honour" dialogue; consider changing "but i'll do it my way" to read "but I?ll do it my way".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Deactivate the romulan transporter inhibitor[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Deactivate the Romulan transporter inhibitor[/MissionInfo]".

Seedea III Orbit #2: This is a good map design with several glorious battles and well written dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Eliminate the romulan reinforcement[/MissionInfo]" to read MissionInfo]Eliminate the Romulan reinforcement[/MissionInfo]".

Holodeck of the main city of Seedea III: This is a good map design with a glorious battle of demons and well written story dialogue. It is a good wrap up to the mission. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Get rid of the daemons to clear the way for your brothers[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Get rid of the demons to clear the way for your brothers[/MissionInfo]".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this combat oriented mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 08/05/2012 on forum posting for: KDF mission : The heart of your enemy.
Couple of corrections:
Eliminate the Romulan reinforcements(?)

Scientists make me sick with their data

Retrieve the missing prototype.
Think I got them all.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, lovely, I can't even requote the Douglas Adams quote I used to have here I WANT IT BACK!!!!
Dalo Lorn
DaloLorn, StarCraft 2 Roleplayer and proud of it.
Empire Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,202
# 208
08-05-2012, 07:46 AM
Yes I noticed that too, and I made these changes myself. Thank you for warning me though.
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,754
# 209
08-05-2012, 08:10 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0 View Post
Yes I noticed that too, and I made these changes myself. Thank you for warning me though.
Meh, maybe Klingons can't spell in English... in which case it could have been an intentional error?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, lovely, I can't even requote the Douglas Adams quote I used to have here I WANT IT BACK!!!!
Dalo Lorn
DaloLorn, StarCraft 2 Roleplayer and proud of it.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 707
# 210
08-05-2012, 08:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by diogene0 View Post
Thanks for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'm satisfied that you didn't find any balance issue this time. I didn't intend to create a combat oriented mission, I wanted to create one where people could "feel" what it is to be a Klingon warrior, but I think I focused too much on filling the map with mobs and not enough on the story. Anyway, you liked it, and that's the most important thing, so I will just make the changes you suggested.
Glad I could help. One would expect a Klingon mission to be combat oriented. The combat was very well balanced throughout the entire mission. The tougher fights came towards the end of the map as I reached the principle objective for that map. Also I noted that not all the mobs on the maps had to be engaged, but being Klingon the enemy indications on the map tasked me. They tasked me and I shall have them. I'll chase them around the maps of "Deep into the transport ship", "Seedea III shipyard", and around "perdition's flame" before I'll give them up?

Now that I think about it the only one that did not was the "Deep into the transport ship" map. The path I ended up taking took me to the Federation Captain before I finished clearing the rest. There are two ways to fix this. The first way and the one I would recommend; you have the "Take the heart and head" trigger as that group is killed. The other way is you have a door that blocks that path until the others are complete. As it was I cleared that room second and the "Take the heart and head" didn't trigger until I was all the way on the other end of the map.

Standard disclaimer: Not all Klingon missions have to be strictly a combat oriented. They can do investigations with little or no combat. Most Klingon missions are usually expected to have some combat in order for the player to feel their blood burn as it flows in their veins.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
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