Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 896
# 331
09-20-2012, 07:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by paxfederatica View Post
Mission Name: Ghosts of War, Part III ("Chasing Ghosts") - Remaster
Author: NCC-89471
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HLAJXIZUN
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Post to this forum thread
Hey NCC,

Welcome back to the queue. Thanks for the review request, you are next up and I will try to get to your mission this evening, or tomorrow at the latest.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 896
Quote:
Originally Posted by paxfederatica View Post
Mission Name: Ghosts of War, Part III ("Chasing Ghosts") - Remaster
Author: NCC-89471
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HLAJXIZUN
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Post to this forum thread
Federation Mission - Ghosts of War, Part III ("Chasing Ghosts") - Remaster
Author: NCC-89471
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HLAJXIZUN

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission in the series. From the great map design, battles, and excellent story dialogue this mission is a lot of fun. You did a great job with the updating of this mission. I would highly recommend this mission to all players who like the combination of a good map design, tough, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I was riveted in my seat for this rollercoaster ride of a mission. Great job!

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
1: Bironex Depot - Space: This is a good map design with very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

2: Bironex Depot - Interior: This is a good map design with excellent interaction and very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

3: Ready Room - Interior: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

4: Leneka V - Space: This is a good map design with excellent and very detailed story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

5: Leneka V base - Interior: This is a good map design with tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

6: Leneka V base - Interior: This is a good map design with tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-When planting the charges no devices appeared. Consider adding a device each time the player plants a charge. It would add to the story.

7: Leneka V - Space: This is a good map design with tough battles, well written story dialogue, and is a good wrap up to this sequel in the series. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job updating this mission and I had a blast playing it. I look forward to playing/reviewing the next mission in the series.
Brian

This critique report also filed 09/20/2012 on forum posting for: "Ghosts of War" mission series semi-official discussion thread.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,047
# 333
09-20-2012, 09:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
6: Leneka V base - Interior: This is a good map design with tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-When planting the charges no devices appeared. Consider adding a device each time the player plants a charge. It would add to the story.
What would be a good one to use? Alas, the "spatial charge" asset used in some Cryptic missions doesn't seem to be available.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 896
# 334
09-20-2012, 11:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by paxfederatica View Post
What would be a good one to use? Alas, the "spatial charge" asset used in some Cryptic missions doesn't seem to be available.
Since the "Spatial Charge" has not been added as of yet, I would suggest either the "Generator - Mechanical 01" or the "Canister - Mechanical 01". In my opinion they both look good as an explosive charge.

Hope that helps,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,047
# 335
09-21-2012, 09:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Since the "Spatial Charge" has not been added as of yet, I would suggest either the "Generator - Mechanical 01" or the "Canister - Mechanical 01". In my opinion they both look good as an explosive charge.

Hope that helps,
Brian
OK, thanks.
Ensign
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 5
# 336 Connections
09-23-2012, 04:07 PM
Greetings! I humbly request a review of my very first Foundry mission. Thank you for your time and the wonderful service you provide.

Mission Name: Connections
Author: Aezrin
Minimum Level: Any
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPB69FGK7
Estimated Mission Length: 10-20 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Thank you again.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 896
# 337
09-23-2012, 11:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aezrin View Post
Greetings! I humbly request a review of my very first Foundry mission. Thank you for your time and the wonderful service you provide.

Mission Name: Connections
Author: Aezrin
Minimum Level: Any
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPB69FGK7
Estimated Mission Length: 10-20 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Thank you again.
Hi Aezrin,

Welcome to the queue. I should be able to get to your mission tomorrow night after work. I?ll post here right after.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,047
# 338
09-23-2012, 11:35 PM
I added the generator props to Part III as you suggested. I've also completed and published my Part IV remaster, but I won't bother having you review it since all I really did with it was tweak dialogue here and there, and update all the enemies from Legacy Combat to True Combat - no new maps, assets or major story changes with this one. So, the next time you hear from me, it will be to review the long-awaited Part V, the saga's Battle of Hogwarts.

Last edited by paxfederatica; 09-23-2012 at 11:40 PM.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 896
# 339
09-24-2012, 07:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by paxfederatica View Post
I added the generator props to Part III as you suggested. I've also completed and published my Part IV remaster, but I won't bother having you review it since all I really did with it was tweak dialogue here and there, and update all the enemies from Legacy Combat to True Combat - no new maps, assets or major story changes with this one. So, the next time you hear from me, it will be to review the long-awaited Part V, the saga's Battle of Hogwarts.
I am glad I was able to help. Thanks for the information on part IV and the heads up on part V.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 896
Quote:
Originally Posted by aezrin View Post
Greetings! I humbly request a review of my very first Foundry mission. Thank you for your time and the wonderful service you provide.

Mission Name: Connections
Author: Aezrin
Minimum Level: Any
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPB69FGK7
Estimated Mission Length: 10-20 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

Thank you again.
Federation Mission - Connections
Author: Aezrin
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPB69FGK7

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with excellent map design, tough but fun battles and very well written story dialogue. For a very first mission you did outstanding. It makes me look forward to the series you plan to create. If the writing and map design is as good as you have done with this one I look forward to seeing them. You really need to flesh out the description because you are cheating yourself out of potential players who do not read my forum posting. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a short description. You should consider adding a little more story to draw the player in and make them want to click "Hail". I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a very intriguing grant dialogue. Consider changing the grant dialogue from [MissionInfo] format. Your use of it in the follow up dialogue is better suited as it actually contains information that pertains to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of the first custom map in the initial mission task to include the sector block. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Andoria System: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Andoria Debris Site: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider using [MissionInfo] dialogue rather than using [OOC] dialogue for mission specific goals. Specifically the initial dialogue uses [OOC] dialogue to tell the player what they must do to reach the objectives.
-Consider adding respawn points further into the map. The battles are pretty well balanced but the last one is pretty tough.

Andoria System: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. However as I proceeded forward to engage the enemy there is dialogue that pops up just before I engaged. I do not think this was intentional. Once I read the dialogue after combat it seemed to fit post combat, except for the "Warped" dialogue which refers to the Klingon ship as if it still existed. Specifically the dialogue says "[Rank], the Klingon ship is somehow creating massive spatial distortions". It almost felt as if the "Warped" dialogue would fit prior to combat and "Warped 2 and 3" dialogues fit post combat.

Fluidic Andoria: This is a good map design with fun optional combat and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The spatial distortion is visible from the minute the player spawns. Was this intentional? Based on the dialogue that follows the "Locate, Beam up Borg tech" tasks it seems that was not intended. Consider making it appear after the task is completed by using the "State" settings on the object.

Andoria System: This is a nice map design with well written story dialogue and is a nice mission wrap up. I understand the need to bring the player back to this map to end the story but you should add a little more in depth explanation of what happened in the dialogue. There is barely enough dialogue there to justify the map I would normally call the lack of dialogue an issue. Add to that you leave us hanging? I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "A starfleet task force has already arrived at Andoria" to read "A Starfleet task force has already arrived at Andoria".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job for your first mission and I am looking forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 09/24/2012 on forum posting for: Connections, 1st mission by Aezrin
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
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