Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 996
# 361
10-21-2012, 10:10 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
6: Caves beneath Starfleet Academy (Interior - Phase-shifted): This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The other maps had excellent detail, but this one seemed a little plain. If this is the location where they found Data's head in the TNG series then you should consider adding objects that help make it look more like a mine shaft rather than a series of caves.
Unfortunately, none of the available objects really work to that effect. There are mining carts and such, but they're all 24th/25th-century-style, not the late 19th-century look I'd need. So, I decided leaving the caves bare was preferable to adding stuff that would look out of place and distract from the story.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 876
# 362
10-21-2012, 12:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by paxfederatica View Post
Unfortunately, none of the available objects really work to that effect. There are mining carts and such, but they're all 24th/25th-century-style, not the late 19th-century look I'd need. So, I decided leaving the caves bare was preferable to adding stuff that would look out of place and distract from the story.
I totally understand the Foundry limitations and as always I can only make suggestions. Either way the mission was still enjoyable.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 876
Quote:
Originally Posted by rogueeenterprise View Post
Hey Evil, got a new one for ya to check out:

"Clean Sweep"
Fed, Any Level
ST-HMHPVPQP5
Est. Length: 45 mins?
Start Location: Servin system in Regulus Sector

Teaser:
Behrens Station, one of the largest starship maintenance facilities servicing Starfleet vessels heading to and from the Klingon front, requires your aid providing cover for a task force that will soon be receiving passes by the station's Baryon sweep arrays.

Report to the station and ensure that all ships complete their Baryon particle purging without any interference from the Klingons or other hostile forces.

On top of your usual thoroughness, I'm interested in the feel for the difficulty for both ground and space battles, potential plot holes and how much suck your boffs had trying to get through doors. =)

Thanks!
Federation Mission - Clean Sweep
Author: rogueeenterprise
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HMHPVPQP5

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, tough battles and excellent story dialogue. Some of the maps have a few issues here and there but nothing too distracting. The story is pretty solid and I liked having to make some tough choices on some of the maps. A Captain's reasons are their own. The battles were tough, but fun throughout. The final map battles after the warp sequence were really tough and for that reason I would not recommend this mission on Elite level. Normal level is tough enough throughout. Having said all that I would highly recommend this mission to all players. You will enjoy the rollercoaster ride throughout the mission.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Behrens Station: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Behrens Station - Command Center: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I like the transporter effect you created to get around the Foundry shortfall. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The chat text from some of the characters repeats so rapidly it becomes annoying and distracting. Consider reducing it or removing it.
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue that goes away after the player interacts or is removed when the player reaches or completes a certain objective.
-The PADD is sitting slightly above the bench and looks a little odd. Consider tweaking the height to be closer to the bench.
-This is not an issue but more of a side note to make it a little easier. In my 24 years of U.S. Naval service rank abbreviations come in handy when writing information. For example Lt. Cdr. Pauline Dennis could be written LCDR Pauline Dennis. If it were a commander it could be written CDR and so on.

U.S.S. Rigor Deck 22: This is a good map design with a fun battle and excellent story dialogue. I liked having to make a tough choice on how to deal with sickbay and the science lab. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I could hear birds in the background. I suspect that is from the base map you chose. I am not sure you can get rid of it by selecting another background setting, but I thought it was worth noting.
-The BOFFs had issues with most of the doors but eventually made it through them.
-Science Officer dialogue; consider changing "What if we jerryrigged some power cells" to read "What if we jerry-rigged sine power cells".
-The EPS console in the hall is sunk into the deck. Consider tweaking it a little to raise it a little more so it looks like it is on the deck vice in it.

U.S.S. Rigor Engineering Deck: This is a great map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I like the transporter effect you created to get around the Foundry shortfall. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider making the Jeffries tube material a lighter color. That would match the bulkhead material a little better.
-The door you are using to block the doorway on the far side of the cargo transporter room looks odd. I know you are trying to prevent the player from flanking the enemy forces but consider centering the door a little more or use another method to block the way.

Retaking the Command Center: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. Again I liked having to make a choice on strategy. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Behrens Station - Final Confrontation: This is a great map design with several tough battles. I would not want to try this map on Elite as it was hard enough on Normal. The story dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 10/21/2012 on forum posting for: "Clean Sweep" by RogueEnterprise
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".

Last edited by evil70th; 10-21-2012 at 12:45 PM.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 876
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajstoner View Post
Hey, Evil! Hope you have been well. You reviewed my mission "Finding resolution" a while back and I have a new one for you when you have a chance.

The Far wanderer
ID: ST-HFXJYEDSW
FACTION: Federation
LEVEL: 41+
PLAY TIME: Aprox. 40 minutes
GAME PLAY: Investigation, Exploration, some Space Combat, Dialogue Heavy.

Many Thanks, AJS
Federation Mission - The Far Wanderer
Author: ajstoner
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HFXJYEDSW

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with amazingly detailed map design, excellent story dialogue, and a few battles too. I would highly recommend this mission to all players who like a great story combined with great map designs and a few battles. This is not a combat oriented mission but is amazingly well done.

Below are a few issues I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a very detailed description; however you should consider moving the actual mission description above the {MissionInfo) data. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial mission task. This will make it easier for players to play your mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
The Vorn System: This is a good map with a fun battle and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Alien Power Control: This is a fantastic map design with amazing detail. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "We have place your down in what seems to be" to read "We have placed you down in what appears to be".
-On some of the decks you used I noted a shimmer when I moved. This is caused by overlapping objects with similar texture. If you decrease their alignment of overlapping objects by .001 on the "X, Y, or Z" axis as needed should mitigate the effect.
-While the map design is outstanding and very detailed the BOFFs seem to have a hard time staying with me in some areas. This is okay as long as the player does not have to engage enemy mobs.

Alien Hydroponics Lab: This is a fantastic map design with amazing detail. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "This musty be the right place" to read "This must be the right place", unless you were making a joke about the age of the ship.
-As with the other map, the map design is outstanding and very detailed the BOFFs seem to have a hard time staying with me in some areas. This is okay as long as the player does not have to engage enemy mobs.

Alien Hibernation Chamber: This is a fantastic map design with amazing detail. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-As with the other maps, the map design is outstanding and very detailed the BOFFs seem to have a hard time staying with me in some areas. This is okay as long as the player does not have to engage enemy mobs.

Alien Bridge: This is a fantastic map design with amazing detail and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Vorn XII Orbit: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Confront the Klingons" dialogue; consider changing "K'plah, [ShipName]" to read "Qapla', [ShipName]"
-Consider changing the response button "K'plah" to read "Qapla'".
-Consider having all enemy engagements take place in the same area around the alien ship. The last battle was very tough without support.

Epilogue: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and is an excellent wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did an amazing job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work.
Brian

This critique report also filed 10/21/2012 on forum posting for: A.J. Stoner Mission catalogue
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".

Last edited by evil70th; 10-21-2012 at 05:44 PM.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 103
# 365 My 2 new missions.
10-22-2012, 12:44 AM
Hello evil70th,

I have got these 2 new missions that are part of a series, and i was wondering if you can look at them and play them.

1) Tempus Fugit: Principium
Author: Logitech007
Level: 41+
Allegiance: Starfleet/ Federation
Project ID: ST-HJQE7X27J
Starting Location: Veela System in the Kassae Sector in the Regulus Sector Block
Description:
On your way back to Earth, when you received a transmission from an Admiral at Starfleet Command, asking you to investigate the missing Federation vessel that has not checked in. You have located the vessel on the farside of a nebula, as you come towards the vessels, things don't appear as it should be.......


2) Tempus Fugit: amicis et spes
Author: Logitech007
Level: 35+
Allegiance: Starfleet/ Federation
Project ID: ST-HJLXEWMRG
Starting Location: Veela System in the Kassae Sector in the Regulus Sector Block
Description:
You have formed an alliance with your former enemy to do battle with the Shadow Alliance. Can you both survive the Shadow Alliance attack? Trapped in a different reality where nothing is what it seems to be. Will you get back or will you be trapped here forever?


You can either post your report here on the forums or ingame me at: @Logitech007

Thanks so much for taking the time to review and play my new missions.

Thanks.
Logitech007
Ensign
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 8
# 366 First time foundry mission
10-22-2012, 10:27 AM
This isn't a grand mission, being my first, but I'd still like some feedback. Especially the boss battle, since I don't have 4 friends to test it with.

Mission Name: Thermal Breakdown
Author: ScaryGuy
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HATZ6VKK7
Estimated Mission Length: 30 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 522
# 367
10-22-2012, 01:20 PM
Many thanks, Brian! Always excellent advice.

AJS
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 876
# 368
10-22-2012, 06:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by logitech007 View Post
Hello evil70th,

I have got these 2 new missions that are part of a series, and i was wondering if you can look at them and play them.

1) Tempus Fugit: Principium
Author: Logitech007
Level: 41+
Allegiance: Starfleet/ Federation
Project ID: ST-HJQE7X27J
Starting Location: Veela System in the Kassae Sector in the Regulus Sector Block
Description:
On your way back to Earth, when you received a transmission from an Admiral at Starfleet Command, asking you to investigate the missing Federation vessel that has not checked in. You have located the vessel on the farside of a nebula, as you come towards the vessels, things don't appear as it should be.......


2) Tempus Fugit: amicis et spes
Author: Logitech007
Level: 35+
Allegiance: Starfleet/ Federation
Project ID: ST-HJLXEWMRG
Starting Location: Veela System in the Kassae Sector in the Regulus Sector Block
Description:
You have formed an alliance with your former enemy to do battle with the Shadow Alliance. Can you both survive the Shadow Alliance attack? Trapped in a different reality where nothing is what it seems to be. Will you get back or will you be trapped here forever?


You can either post your report here on the forums or ingame me at: @Logitech007

Thanks so much for taking the time to review and play my new missions.

Thanks.
Logitech007
Hi Logitech007,

Thanks for the request and welcome to the queue. Your missions are 1 and 2 in the queue. As with last week I am working long hours at work and will try to get to your missions before Friday. I'll post the reviews here and in your posting upon completion.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 876
# 369
10-22-2012, 06:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by scaryguycalculon View Post
This isn't a grand mission, being my first, but I'd still like some feedback. Especially the boss battle, since I don't have 4 friends to test it with.

Mission Name: Thermal Breakdown
Author: ScaryGuy
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HATZ6VKK7
Estimated Mission Length: 30 minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Hi ScaryGuy,

Thanks for the review request and welcome to the Foundry. You are 3rd in the queue behind Logitech007. I hope to get to his missions before Friday, if not then Friday and your mission will follow right after.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 876
# 370
10-22-2012, 06:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajstoner View Post
Many thanks, Brian! Always excellent advice.

AJS
As always, glad I could help. I enjoyed the mission.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
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