Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
# 551
02-21-2013, 10:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by syberghost View Post
Mission Name: Franklin Drake Must Die
Author: @syberghost

Federation, any level.

Estimated length: 20-45 minutes, depending on your choices.

Most of the combat is completely optional; the non-optional combat is brief, the optional combat will greatly extend the length.

Note: there is currently an issue with finding the mission door, thanks to a Cryptic issue on Earth Spacedock. I will refactor to improve this entrance at some point, but for now, take any turbolift to the lower level and the door will appear. Feel free to savage me for that issue, but know that I'm already aware of it.
Hi syberghost,

Welcome to the queue. You are 4th in the queue behind gammadelta1. With luck I will get into and through the queue this weekend. Thanks for the heads up on the entrance issue. I am pretty sure I have never "savaged" anyone in my reviews. Of course there is always a first time for everything.

Thanks for authoring, and for volunteering to moderate the forums,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 87
# 552
02-24-2013, 08:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Hi gammadelta1,

Welcome to the queue. You are 3rd in the queue behind contactpsi and I hope to get into the queue this weekend.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
When you give the review, which is awesome that you do that by the way, would you be able to be slightly obtuse on plot line or at least map titles. not to draw attention, truly, but because it is forums only, you will see why.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
# 553
02-24-2013, 11:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gammadelta2 View Post
When you give the review, which is awesome that you do that by the way, would you be able to be slightly obtuse on plot line or at least map titles. not to draw attention, truly, but because it is forums only, you will see why.
The format of my reports is designed to help the author find the map with an issue easier. I do not give away the plot in my review, but rather work to ensure the author knows what needs to be fixed. If I find that your map titles may give away a part of the story I will do my best not to reveal it. You should also understand that the in depth reviews I provide an author help other authors to hopefully not make the same mistakes.

Thanks
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
Quote:
Originally Posted by chicochavez View Post
Hey evil, I'm back with part three of my series. Already getting good reviews but would love to read your take on it.

Mission name - Star Trek: Allegiance Part 3
Author - chicochavez
Minimum Level - 31+
Allegiance - Federation
Project ID - ST-HQYXPHSIE
Estimated run time - Under 1 hour.

Also curious, have you been keeping track at all with the dilithium you've been getting from the new system? Had some fleet mates just start my series and they were picking up 1440 from the first two but a bit less from this one. I'm thinking 1440 might be the max for one hour of play, but curious to know if anyone else has seen something different. Figured you play so many missions you might have noticed a pattern by now.

Cheers.
Federation Mission - Star Trek: Allegiance Part 3
Author: chicochavez
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID - ST-HQYXPHSIE

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission in the series with good map design, tough, but fun battles, and riveting story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to all players, but nor on Elite.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good and very detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogues are great. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with the dialogue.

Mission Task: You should consider adding the start location, to include the sector, in the initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Tundara System: This is a good map design with some fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Weather Starstreaks North South" seems to be bugged with the streaks going both directions at regular impulse. Consider changing your map orientation to a westerly orientation and using "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect. It looks more like warp space than the other.
-Consider changing the location triggered combat for the "Intercept Incoming Hostiles" to another type of trigger. The location type of trigger works well on ground combat but may not work as well in space combat. If the player was previously engaged with enemy mobs they have most likely changed altitude during the combat. This will make it harder for them to find the location trigger point.

New Tampa: This is a great map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

P.B.2.A.U. Mining: This is a nice map design with several tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-While the "Player Tip" is a nice short term fix to the map pathing issues you should this map to Cryptic so they can eventually fix it. Having to stop and dig your BOFF's out of the walls is annoying even if it is not your fault.
-Consider placing respawn points deeper into the map.

Battle of New Tampa: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Based on the current design for the map and story flow placing respawn points on this map would be difficult but you should consider it.

Abandoned Mining Facility: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider leaving a hole in the circle of people surrounding Tailor for the player to walk into and stand.
-The Helen Falco NPC is kneeling and scanning the whole time. Consider having her stand up like the other NPCs around Tailor.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission. I look forward to the next in the series and to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 02/24/2013 on forum posting for: Star Trek: Allegiance Part 3.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.

Last edited by evil70th; 02-24-2013 at 03:08 PM.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 232
# 555
02-24-2013, 03:36 PM
Hi, I'm a newcomer to the foundry and I was wondering if you could take a look at my first mission (just finished it yesterday). You'll have to use the project ID because it is still in the "probationary" period (doesn't have 5 reviews yet). Details as follows:

Mission Name: Yet There Be Method In It
Author: pbau3993
Minimum level (this may need to be tweaked): 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HRKD9HYJ6
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 minutes

Notes:
I couldn't find anything TOS-style to block off corridors in a TOS map so it looks a little weird. Any ideas on that front would be appreciated.

Since this is my first foundry mission, I didn't have a good idea of how to set/pick minimum levels, so that may need to be tweaked as well.

This is a mission that will take you to 2271, right after the end of the Enterprise's historic five year mission.
"That hurts worse than the uniform." - Dr. McCoy on the Vulcan salute
"On Vulcan, the teddy bears are alive. And they have six-inch fangs." - Spock on sehlats
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
# 556
02-24-2013, 04:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarek93 View Post
Hi, I'm a newcomer to the foundry and I was wondering if you could take a look at my first mission (just finished it yesterday). You'll have to use the project ID because it is still in the "probationary" period (doesn't have 5 reviews yet). Details as follows:

Mission Name: Yet There Be Method In It
Author: pbau3993
Minimum level (this may need to be tweaked): 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HRKD9HYJ6
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 minutes

Notes:
I couldn't find anything TOS-style to block off corridors in a TOS map so it looks a little weird. Any ideas on that front would be appreciated.

Since this is my first foundry mission, I didn't have a good idea of how to set/pick minimum levels, so that may need to be tweaked as well.

This is a mission that will take you to 2271, right after the end of the Enterprise's historic five year mission.
Hi pbau3993,

Welcome to the queue and to the Foundry. You are 3rd in queue for review behind gammadelta2, although it may take me a while to get caught up I will eventually. I will post the results here upon completion.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
# 557 Just a thought
02-24-2013, 04:11 PM
Something for authors to consider in missions with a lot of story dialogue, is adding "Skip Dialogue" buttons with a summary. That way the player has the option to just get the information they need to continue the mission.

Thanks for reading,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
Quote:
Originally Posted by councilspectre View Post
Mission Name: No Prize for Second Contact
Author: Contactpsi
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HP6UPGBS6
Estimated Mission Length: 25-35 min

A mission review would be fantastic. This is my first foundry mission.
Federation Mission - No Prize for Second Contact
Author: Contactpsi
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HP6UPGBS6

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I was completely pulled into the story. I would highly recommend this mission to any player who likes a combination of good map design, fun battles, and excellent story dialogue.

I noted the use of the response button "Continue" quite a lot in the mission. Even though this is a personal preference I feel it is something for you to consider. The use of "Continue" can be appropriate in conjunction with some dialog but many others it seems awkward. On several of them the Captain should always respond to a report or other information given to them in the dialog. You can also use this as a stepping stone to the next dialog. Realizing that the Foundry is limited in what you can do to have the player more active in conversations, the use of [OOC] dialogue within that conversation gives the author that tool. I have seen it used in other missions and have used it myself. I have used the following;
[OOC][Rank] LastName]:
Story dialogue here.[/OOC]
You can also have additional dialogue after the [OOC] if needed and finish the player response in the response button.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: You should consider adding the start location of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Ruben System, Regulus Sector Block: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "We were told you expect you, [ShipName]," to read "We were told to expect you, [ShipName].?
-The use of the response button "Continue". I will note the maps this appears on and discuss it in the summary above.

The Ready Room: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Orith System, Hylaran Sector: This is a good map design with some tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-I am not that familiar with the Andorian culture but would they wish another Captain "Godspeed"?
-Consider changing the response button "Allows us to depart" to read "Allow us to depart".

Heservat System, Regulus Sector: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider adding a "Bypass the code" button. Puzzles in missions are okay but they really need to serve a purpose in the story. I saw no evidence that the puzzle on this map added to the story.

Heservat III, Deserted Island: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

The Bridge: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider replacing the wall door at the turbo lift with an invisible object that can be used to trigger the map transfer.
-Consider changing the map transfer button "Go to Next Map" to read "Thank you" or something along those lines.

Sickbay: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Observation Deck: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 02/24/2013 on forum posting for: No Prize for Second Contact
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 96
# 559
02-24-2013, 05:49 PM
Thank you! That was very helpful. I'm amazed at the detail in your review.

A tangent for fun, if I may, I was wondering if anyone was going to comment on the "godspeed" line from the Andorian captain.

I had a discussion with a friend of mine about how aliens would speak with humans and that line came from that conversation. They probably wouldn't get the deeper meaning and history behind our expressions, but they've spent time around humans and may try to use our expressions to relate. I tried to make that line seem awkward, instead of simply saying "godspeed", I worded it something like "may you have godspeed" - which sounds strange to us, but an alien may think they're making a cultural connection.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 115
# 560
02-24-2013, 09:21 PM
Thanks for the review evil, always want to hear what you have to say.

For the weather streaks I used a few of them since I didn't think the streaks were pronounced enough. I wonder if that might be part of the issue. As for the interception point, I think it might be easier to place the blink FX in the middle of the move to location trigger like I did with the insertion point next to the Dunkirk and call it a navigation pop up on the players hud.


Bug report is already posted on the forums for the mining map, really recommend no one use it till fixed. I'll add in a respawn further in next time I'm in the foundry.

I really dont know where to put a respawn once the player gets back to New Tampa. Best idea I've got is maybe next to Toro's team?

The idea for Falco on the last map was that she was scanning to get as much intel as she could about the facility and what it might tell her about what Keller was up to. I will probably just change it and move everyone back a step to give the player some more room.

Thanks for the advice!
Play Star Trek: Allegiance - my first series in the Foundry
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