Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashtaku View Post
Hmmm, since you're backlogged I guess I better get in line now

This is my first Foundry mission, so feel free to pick it apart and show me where I can make improvements!

Mission Name: The Tangled Webs We Weave
Author: ashtaku
Minimum Level: None
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HH4IN2WUC
Estimated Mission Length: 30-40 minutes, a bit longer if you explore all the optional dialogues.
Federation Mission - The Tangled Webs We Weave
Author: ashtaku
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HH4IN2WUC

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good combat oriented story mission, with several tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. The options to take the mission in different directions depending on story dialogue choices are well done. The map designs are very well done. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players, although not on Elite level. It is a fun mission to play.

The "Optional Dialogue" using the standard dialogue insertion in the Foundry has always annoyed me. This is not your fault but the developers should add the option to make the dialogue go away after the player interacts. At present the other ways to do that are to make the dialogue part of the story or use triggered dialogue but that does not show up on the map. That is not something you control but something we should all consider asking for the developers to create.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The basic dialogue is well done but you should consider removing the duplicate [OOC] dialogue explaining the Episode type and other information already covered in the description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location for the first custom map.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Reytan System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

U.S.S. Yamato Bridge: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Starbase 24: This is a good map with several tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

A.C.S. Ranok Interior: This is a good map with several tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

A.C.S. Ranok CIC: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

A.C.S. Ranok Engineering Spaces: This is a good map with some tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding a respawn point further into the map.

Transporter Room 2: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The door sealing the room is too high and does not look right. Consider lowering it to be more in line with the floor.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 04/13/2013 on forum posting for: The Tangled Webs We Weave
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 34
# 622
04-13-2013, 01:42 PM
Name: The Writers of History
ID: ST-HHSLC2PJA
Author: Donkyhotay
Faction: Federation
Level: Any
Duration: 15-45 minutes

This is my first mission so I'm quite interested in what people think of it. As I'm certain you've heard from others, thank you for taking your time to review all of these missions.
Do not be afraid to joust a giant just because some people insist on believing in windmills.

Check out my foundry mission "The Writers of History".
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by dougglendower View Post
Hi. I'd also like you to review my submission to the Foundry Challenge 6:

Mission Name: 404 Error: Admiral Not Found
Author: dougglendower
Minimum Level: None
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAOSHU7Q6
Estimated Mission Length: 40 minutes, a bit longer if you go and find the remote Easter Eggs.
Federation Mission - 404 Error: Admiral Not Found
Author: dougglendower
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAOSHU7Q6

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission that combines good map design, tough, but fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to all players who love those combinations in a mission. You will enjoy this mission as much as I did.

As I mentioned in an earlier review I feel the "Optional Dialogue" used as standard dialogue insertion in the Foundry is extremely limiting. Several authors have found a way to use triggered dialogue as optional dialogue. The benefit is the dialogue can be configured to go away after the player interacts with it. The drawback of this is that triggered dialogue does not show up on the map. That is not something you can control but something we should all consider asking for the developers to create.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description; however you should consider changing the last sentence. It is a given that orders can and will change in the event of an emergency. We already know there is going to be an emergency, but you do not need to telegraph so blatantly.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Rho Geminorum III: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect you used for this map is a good but with the spawn point set up it appears to be backwards. Consider reorienting the map so the player is coming from the east.
-As you set up your interactions with dialogue prompts remember that not all players stop automatically when dialogue appears. In some circumstances they may fly past the next prompt if they are slow in reading your dialogue. It is a delicate balance between making the player fly too far to the next prompt and providing in depth story dialogue.

Castor: This is a good map design with some fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I note one item to consider changing:
-The "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect you used for this map. Same comment as above.

Bridge: This is a good map design with some tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Optional dialogue versus triggered dialogue. Using triggered dialogue instead of optional dialogue allows the author to make the dialogue to go away after the player interacts with it.
-The Flight Deck officer is typing in the air. Consider moving him to the right or left so he is centered on a console.
-Consider moving the respawn point for the flight deck into the control vice the passageway.
-If you are going to have the player go from one side of the map to the other and back again consider adding something in the middle to drive that move. Running from one side of the map to the other and back again can be annoying.
-You have some crew lying on the deck that are convulsing. You should have triggered dialogue that when the player comes near them they can examine and offer help to the crewman lying there.

Castor Exit: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider moving either the big asteroid in the way of the player or move the spawn point so the asteroid is not blocking the path to the warp out point.
-Consider moving the warp out point closer so the player is not flying half way across the map for a simple map transfer point. That can be annoying.

Rho-1 Cancri: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The "Weather Starstreaks North South 01" effect has issues since it was created. The effect only seems to work if the player is traveling at full impulse. Consider using the "Weather Starstreaks West East 01" effect and reorienting the map so the player is coming from the east.

Bridge - USS Draig Goch Cymru: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Optional dialogue versus triggered dialogue. Same comment as above.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
# 624
04-14-2013, 11:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by donkyhotay View Post
Name: The Writers of History
ID: ST-HHSLC2PJA
Author: Donkyhotay
Faction: Federation
Level: Any
Duration: 15-45 minutes

This is my first mission so I'm quite interested in what people think of it. As I'm certain you've heard from others, thank you for taking your time to review all of these missions.
Hi Donkyhotay,

Welcome to the queue. Your mission is currently 12th in the queue behind KineticImpulser. As most folks here have read and know I am working very long hours during the week and have only recently starting having my weekends off again. What this means for those in the queue is that I will get through your mission as soon as I can and will post on the forums once I am finished.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 34
# 625
04-14-2013, 04:37 PM
Yeah I'm aware how busy you must be. I just appreciate someone willing to provide critique of missions regardless of how long it takes for them to get to it.
Do not be afraid to joust a giant just because some people insist on believing in windmills.

Check out my foundry mission "The Writers of History".
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 107
# 626
04-17-2013, 11:37 AM
Sure I could always use another opinion of my mission, thank you.

Name: GRIZZ's Farmer - The Siren Star
ID: ST-H0XZ5Z67B
Author: chitowngrizz420
Faction: Federation
Level: 46+
Duration: 15-25 min

Like many players I play EC farming missions for resources and with several characters. Doing a farmer several times a day on multiple toons made me realize that 99% of the farming missions are very plain and basic boring grind missions. I thought why can't there be a farmer that can entertain us while we farm! This inspired me to create a unique short story EC farmer. It uses the classic farm set up that has been worked into the story along with custom map backgrounds and visuals. So far in less than month it has received great responses from players tired of the same old daily grinding missions that can put players to sleep.

Last edited by chitowngrizz420; 04-26-2013 at 04:00 PM.
Ensign
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 8
# 627 Put Me in the Queue! :)
04-18-2013, 09:04 PM
evil70th, I am looking for reviews too; I'd love to hear what you think of my mission.

Thanks!

Name: Cero Troubles
ID: ST-HQJQM996X
Author: CougarXLS
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 16+
Duration: 40+ mins (about 30 mins if you skip the dialogue)

On a world where peoples of many different species peacefully co-exist, tragedy has struck. A plague is threatening almost all life on the planet. While some believe that this plague is naturally occurring, there have been reports that the virus was artificially generated.
This world has rejected advanced technology on the surface, in favour of a simple way of life. They do not have the medical abilities and technologies to combat this plague.
An investigation into this plague will leading to a shocking discovery that threatens the whole sector, and may have serious consequences for Starfleet.

-CougarXLS
Ensign
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 14
# 628
04-19-2013, 03:35 PM
Hello,

Thought I would put in my mission here for you to review.

Name: All Roads Lead To Rome
ID: ST-HRPGRETGV
Author: horriblecat
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 31+
Duration: Roughly about 20 to 25 minutes

This is my first attempt at the foundry so I am hoping I did well. I added a lot of personal feel to he storyline with main and side characters I created that represent crew on "your" ship. The story is one that I actually have a great conclusion for. This one is interesting to say the least and it was difficult to put what was in my head into the limited foundry resources. Let me know what you think of it.

I still may do a revision of it later on after finals are done with and I have more free time to develop a more concrete story.
Ensign
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 14
# 629
04-20-2013, 08:34 PM
I have a mission I'd like you to review.

Admiral in Peril v1
@antman9173
Fed 41+
run time: (1 captain) between 15~25 minutes (team) longer (haven't tested)

The mission actually starts out at ESD console outside transporter despite the mission text as I'm still testing and fine tuning, but i wanted a good critic before i tweak anymore as the mission is pretty much done. Your reviews are very well structured and I enjoy the refreshing positive and constructive critiquing.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
# 630
04-27-2013, 12:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by chitowngrizz420 View Post
Sure I could always use another opinion of my mission, thank you.

Name: GRIZZ's Farmer - The Siren Star
ID: ST-H0XZ5Z67B
Author: chitowngrizz420
Faction: Federation
Level: 46+
Duration: 15-25 min

Like many players I play EC farming missions for resources and with several characters. Doing a farmer several times a day on multiple toons made me realize that 99% of the farming missions are very plain and basic boring grind missions. I thought why can't there be a farmer that can entertain us while we farm! This inspired me to create a unique short story EC farmer. It uses the classic farm set up that has been worked into the story along with custom map backgrounds and visuals. So far in less than month it has received great responses from players tired of the same old daily grinding missions that can put players to sleep.
Hi chitowngrizz420,

Welcome to the queue. You are currently 12th in the queue behind donkyhotay. I will post here once I finish the review.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
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