Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
# 661
05-19-2013, 09:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by djf021 View Post
Hello Evil,
I have a special request if you find the time to spare. Could you post the list of your que? I think I was in there a while back but I've lost track...
Hi djf021

Your mission Desperate Prey is currently 3rd in the queue. I am getting ready to start the first mission in the queue and should be done with it this morning. I will get to yours as soon as I can. If not today most likely next weekend since it is a long weekend.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
To all authors waiting patiently and others considering adding their missions to the queue:

If you are expecting a quick turnaround of an in depth mission review then you will be sadly disappointed. Please bear in mind I do not get paid, nor do I expect to get paid, for the reviews I do here. As I have stated above in other posts, my real world job and responsibilities take precedence over time I can spend on STO. My job has become that much more complex as I have been placed in charge of a program that keeps me occupied throughout the regular work week. The same level of attention you know I pay to your missions when I review them is the same level of dedication I show to my work and pretty much everything in my life. I will get to your missions as soon as I can but it will be a while for most of you.

If after reading this you wish to remove your mission from the queue I understand and please let me know. Otherwise I will get to your mission as soon as I can.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
Quote:
Originally Posted by pw0010 View Post
Hey Evil70th!

If you have some free time I would love a review of my first foundry mission:


Name: The Odin

Foundry ID: ST-HAR7Y9G9M

Author: Hiigariain

Level: 16+

Allegiance: Starfleet


It is relatively short... probably only 30 mins or so.


Thanks!
Federation Mission - The Odin
Author: Hiigariain
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HAR7Y9G9M

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, tough battles, and excellent story dialogue. The battles were very tough and I would not recommend the mission on Elite but the battles can be won eventually on Normal level. Your story dialogue is well written but on the last two maps it felt as if you were rushing to finish the story. As I mention below on those two maps I felt you could have fleshed out the story a little more. If the Captain of the Odin was truly the player's friend then their dialogue should have reflected more of that. The player should have been more reflective of the betrayal of their academy friend. Consider adding a little more to the story, even if this is a single mission with no sequel planned you should make the player want more. Despite that I would still highly recommend this mission to other players. I really enjoyed it.

I mention the use of the response button "Continue" on pretty much every map. This is something I recommend the author uses to help tell the story and include the player as more of a participant rather than just a reader. You want to get the player drawn into the story, to care what happens next. This is particularly true when it comes to the "Captain" responding to a BOFF report or dialog from an NPC. An exception to this would be when reading log entry or something along those lines, but even in those circumstances I recommend the use of "..." as an alternative. Yes I know Cryptic missions use the response button "Continue" a lot. In my opinion it seems unlikely that a Captain would simply say "Continue". This, like everything else in my reviews is my personal opinion.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow-on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of the first custom map to the initial task. This will help the player find where to start the mission. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the entry button from "Continue" to read "Let's go" or something along those lines.

MAPS:
The Signal's Origin: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". I will cover this in more detail in my summary.
-The smoke in the shuttle bay seemed out of place. I believe the object you used for the debris has a smoke effect built in. If you added additional smoke consider removing it. If the smoke was from the debris then consider changing the debris to some other object. The smoke seems like it would be unlikely to be there in a Starfleet shuttle bay.

Opin System - Beta Quadrant: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

USS Crake - Bridge: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The "Investigate the Attack" console button says "Interact" which is the default Foundry entry. Consider changing it to "Access console" or something along those lines.
-The "Perform Sweep of the USS Crake" button seems unnecessary to the story, especially since it provides the player with no real information and both options remain available regardless of what the player does. Consider removing that interaction or making setting it to disappear after the player accesses it. This can be done by making it an objective or triggered dialogue that can be set to disappear once interacted with or once another objective is accomplished.

Main Engineering: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The force field separating the ensign from the player does not go all the way up. Consider adding a wall section above the force field or making the force field go all the way to the ceiling.

Bridge: This is a good map design with a tough battle and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Opin System: This is a good map design with very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

System STS-42: This is a good map design with very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

USS Odin - Bridge: This is a good map design with very tough battles. The story dialogue is well written but felt as if it was a little rushed at the end. There is an opportunity to provide a little more intrigue and keep the player interested in a potential sequel to this mission. Consider adding a little more story and some background on the new dissident movement that appears to be growing. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

System STS-42 Departure: This map design is okay but like the other one it felt a little rushed. If the player had actually known the Captain of the Odin then they should hold more dialogue regarding the apparent betrayal of the former friend. Add more to the story to make the player feel more like they actually knew the NPC. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and I truly enjoyed it. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 05/19/2013 on forum posting for: I would appreciate constructive feedback on "The Odin" my first labour of love!
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 361
# 664
05-19-2013, 12:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Hi djf021

Your mission Desperate Prey is currently 3rd in the queue. I am getting ready to start the first mission in the queue and should be done with it this morning. I will get to yours as soon as I can. If not today most likely next weekend since it is a long weekend.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
Absolutely appreciate it. Don't worry, I knew it would be a long wait. I had just lost track of where you were at. Thanks again, people like you help authors like me get better!


If you like Foundry missions, try mine here!
Lieutenant
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 38
# 665
05-19-2013, 07:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
To all authors waiting patiently and others considering adding their missions to the queue:

If you are expecting a quick turnaround of an in depth mission review then you will be sadly disappointed. Please bear in mind I do not get paid, nor do I expect to get paid, for the reviews I do here. As I have stated above in other posts, my real world job and responsibilities take precedence over time I can spend on STO. My job has become that much more complex as I have been placed in charge of a program that keeps me occupied throughout the regular work week. The same level of attention you know I pay to your missions when I review them is the same level of dedication I show to my work and pretty much everything in my life. I will get to your missions as soon as I can but it will be a while for most of you.

If after reading this you wish to remove your mission from the queue I understand and please let me know. Otherwise I will get to your mission as soon as I can.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian

Thanks Evil,

I'm in no hurry, I just appreciate you taking the time to help me improve my mission.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 74
# 666
06-03-2013, 04:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Hi skyline45,

Welcome back to the queue. Your mission is currently 18th in the queue behind markhawkman. I am sorry for the long wait for mission reviews but my real world responsibilities take precedence over playing STO. As I mentioned above it is the way I can afford to spend time playing STO and doing the other fun things I like to do.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
That's fine man. There's no rush. Especially since all our missions are messed up from the LoR release still lol xD
Join Date: Dec 2009 <Actual Join Date)
My Foundry Missions:
The Wave Empire Series: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...d.php?t=279751
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,505
# 667
06-03-2013, 07:40 PM
If you guys are itching for a review CatStar and Idrona are always looking for more missions

CatStar's Thread: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...d.php?t=548531
Idrona's Thread: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...d.php?t=684411

Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
The Defenders - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - [WIP] Commander Rihan
Ensign
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 15
# 668
06-10-2013, 03:33 PM
Hey evil was wondering if we could get a list of your current que to see who getting reviewed if and when the Foundry is restored and are you doing missions that have been restored even if they are out of order?
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
# 669
06-17-2013, 07:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by antman9173 View Post
Hey evil was wondering if we could get a list of your current que to see who getting reviewed if and when the Foundry is restored and are you doing missions that have been restored even if they are out of order?
Hey antman,

Sorry for the late reply. I just finished a 131 hour pay period at work and it does not appear to be slowing down anytime soon. I currently have 17 missions in the queue. I really have no idea when I am going to be able to get to them but I want to as soon as I can. Your mission is currently 11th in the queue.

With the Foundry down I did not want to review missions that I cannot rate. Once it?s back up and running I hope to get back into my reviews.

Thanks for everyone?s patience.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,505
# 670
06-18-2013, 12:12 AM
Hope you're gonna be able to buy a nice moon with all that overtime

Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
The Defenders - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - [WIP] Commander Rihan
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