Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 152
# 731
09-24-2013, 08:25 PM
Thank you. Looking forward to it. Hope you enjoy.

"The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk
Twitter - @SDVargo
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 792
Quote:
Originally Posted by commodoreobvious View Post
I'd appreciate you looking at my mission below.

Mission Name: Violations and Resistance
Author: commodoreobvious
Minimum Level: 40+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HQ6ATCLJD
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 minutes

I'll appreciate your feedback and notes for any glitches and typos.
Federation Mission - Violations and Resistance
Author: commodoreobvious
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HQ6ATCLJD

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, excellent story dialogue, and tough but fun battles. It was a great combination of dialogue and combat combined with good map designs. I would highly recommend this mission to all players who like a great story and challenging combat.

You had a few places where you used the response button "Continue". It was not overly used however the places you did use it I would urge you to review and see if you can come up with a more appropriate response. For example it seems odd that a bridge officer, away team member or NPC contact make a statement or give the player a report and the player's response is "Continue".

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: The description is a good start but consider adding a little more to it. You need something that will reaches out to the player and makes them want to click the 'Hail' button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is very well written. That kind of write up is exactly what I mean about the description. They should not be a duplicate of each other but the description needs to be written more like the grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: The initial mission task should contain the location for the start of the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Reytan III: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue and a fun battle. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The post "Defeat the Assimilated Task Force" dialogue; consider changing the response button "That's Plan B. Lets see if we can learn anything first" to read "That's plan B. Let's see if we can learn anything first".

Santorini Crew Deck: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue and tough but fun battles. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing the response button "Lets hope so" to read "Let's hope so".
-The post "Access Databanks" dialogue; consider changing the response button "Message recieved" to read "Message received".
-Consider changing the response button "Alright, lets go" to read "Alright, let's go".
-For the various tasks leading up to blowing up the force field consider changing the interact animation to some sort of action like console interaction or something along those lines.
-The dialogue regarding the possible survivors; consider changing "Its not good" to read "It's not good".

Santorini Bridge: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue and tough but fun battles. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "work quickly to insure we aren't infected" to read "work quickly to ensure we aren't infected".

Santorini Engineering: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue and tough but fun battles. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-For the various tasks leading up to lowering the force field consider changing the interact animation to some sort of action like scanning or something along those lines.
-The post "Search for The Tachyon Device" dialogue; consider changing "This is a reciever console for aggregating and storing data" to read "This is a receiver console for aggregating and storing data".
-Consider changing "but its at such a high energy state" to read "but it's at such a high energy state".
-Consider changing the "Talk to Inactive Drone" interaction to be an invisible object so you can label it something like "Examine inactive drone" or something along those lines.

Reytan III Ascendant: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue and tough but fun battles. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and I really enjoyed it. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 09/29/2013 on forum posting for: Mission feedback request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 792
Quote:
Originally Posted by paxfederatica View Post
It's been awhile, O Evil One, but I have a new Fed-allied Romulan mission for you!

Title: "[Rom] Valley of the Shadow I" (aka "Into the Valley")
ID: ST-HBHYVOLP6
Author: @NCC-89471
Allegiance: Federation/Romulan
Level: 31+
Estimated play time: 60-75 minutes

You can post your feedback on this thread, or on the thread I created for the VotS trilogy I have planned.

Thanks again...
Federation Mission - "[Rom] Valley of the Shadow I" (aka "Into the Valley")
Author: NCC-89471
Allegiance: Federation/Romulan
Project ID: ST-HBHYVOLP6

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with excellent story dialogue, challenging battles, and good map designs. I thoroughly enjoyed the mission and hardly noticed the length as I was riveted to my seat with the story and action. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes excellent story combined with good map design and some challenging battles to keep the mission moving.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: The description is okay but needs a little more story to draw the player in make them want to click the 'Hail' button. Consider cutting down the "RECENT CHANGES" and adding more of the story to this description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue are very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: The initial mission task is very well done with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

MAPS:
1: S.S. Xhosa II bridge: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

2: Nivay IV capital city: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

3: Resistance tunnels: This is a great map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

4: Tal Shiar compound: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue I noted one item to consider changing:
-There is a respawn point message that comes up on the screen. Is there an optional combat that can be triggered? Or did you have a combat planned for this map that you removed? If it is the latter one then consider removing the respawn point.

5: Holochamber 6: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

6: Tal Shiar compound: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue and challenging battles. I noted one item to consider changing:
-In a Nivay IV capital city map that follows this one the dialogue refers to us freeing the prisoners. That was not an option on this map unless it was an optional mission. If it was then you need to change that to become an actual part of the mission or otherwise add it as an objective on this map.

7: Nivay IV capital city: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-There are at least two sets of dialogue where the screen indicates the NPC is the Engineering Officer but the NPC in the window is my Science Officer. It confused me at first until I read who it was supposed to be. Consider changing the NPC image to be the Engineering Officer as the label indicates.
-On this map the response button dialogue refers to us freeing the prisoners on the previous map. There was no option on that map unless it was an optional mission. If it was then you need to change that map to make the freeing of the prisoners an objective on that map and for the mission.

8: Nivay system: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue and challenging battles. The optional battles following the required ones were a nice touch. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I have one observation:
-Consider adding dialogue that is triggered once the player goes to warp if they destroy any of the optional enemy mobs. You could tailor it to the number of enemy mobs the player eliminates along the way.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job designing this mission and the series sounds intriguing. I look forward to playing/reviewing the follow up missions in this series as well as more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 09/29/2013 on forum posting for: "Valley of the Shadow" mission series semi-official discussion thread.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Ensign
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 28
# 734
10-01-2013, 07:06 AM
Thanks Evil. I appreciate the extra set of eyes catching the stuff I missed.
Captain
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,612
# 735
10-01-2013, 08:42 AM
My first Foundry mission, which I originally meant as a standalone. It came out longer than I expected so I've made it a two-parter.

Mission Name: "Bait and Switch"
Author: StarSwordC
Minimum Level: none
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HMVK8ZDAT
Estimated Mission Length: Measured it at 1.5 hours when beta-testing.
Vadm. Kanril Eleya, U.S.S. Andraste, Strike Team Alpha

Useful Links for Foundry Writers | "Bait and Switch" -- Fed Foundry project, Part 1 rewards-qualified!
Say no to Arc! STO standalone installer
Ensign
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 8
# 736
10-02-2013, 09:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Federation Mission - Cero Troubles
Author: CougarXLS
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HQJQM996X

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
Thank you Brian... I will certainly revisit this mission. Again, thank-you so much!!
Empire Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 8,923
# 737
10-02-2013, 11:55 AM
Hi Evil. I was wondering where Perfection, part 1 was on the queue.
King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride.
http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...1#post13990891
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 928
# 738
10-04-2013, 08:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
6: Tal Shiar compound: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue and challenging battles. I noted one item to consider changing:
-In a Nivay IV capital city map that follows this one the dialogue refers to us freeing the prisoners. That was not an option on this map unless it was an optional mission. If it was then you need to change that to become an actual part of the mission or otherwise add it as an objective on this map.

7: Nivay IV capital city: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-There are at least two sets of dialogue where the screen indicates the NPC is the Engineering Officer but the NPC in the window is my Science Officer. It confused me at first until I read who it was supposed to be. Consider changing the NPC image to be the Engineering Officer as the label indicates.
-On this map the response button dialogue refers to us freeing the prisoners on the previous map. There was no option on that map unless it was an optional mission. If it was then you need to change that map to make the freeing of the prisoners an objective on that map and for the mission.[/color][/url].
Thanks again for your review.

In Map 6, planting the plasma charge inside the wall is, in fact, how you free the prisoners (even though you don't get to see them being freed), by disrupting the building's power grid long enough to drop the forcefields surrounding them. The dialogue in that map explains this. I did not have you free them when you passed by them earlier because then I'd have to explain why they then just stand around (as I have no way to make them follow me).

The science/engineering officer issue has nothing to do with my mission; it is a known bug in the game itself that I have reported to Cryptic, and that the devs have acknowledged.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 200
# 739
10-05-2013, 10:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by paxfederatica View Post
Thanks again for your review.

In Map 6, planting the plasma charge inside the wall is, in fact, how you free the prisoners (even though you don't get to see them being freed), by disrupting the building's power grid long enough to drop the forcefields surrounding them. The dialogue in that map explains this. I did not have you free them when you passed by them earlier because then I'd have to explain why they then just stand around (as I have no way to make them follow me).
In STO, it's typical to have people beam up when they are freed rather than have them follow you. If that doesn't violate the story premise (like there's something interfering with transporters) then that may be a better choice for you and will feel less awkward.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 71
# 740
10-05-2013, 11:05 AM
Hey, not sure if your still doing this, but mind running through my Mission Missing from the Mirror. You reviwed it before, but I had to make some changes to the story due to change of environment at Drozanna,
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:21 PM.