Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 877
# 811
11-07-2013, 08:17 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by donperk View Post
Thanks so much for your review, Brian!

A few thoughts:
  • I think the thing that you and CatStar found unsettling is that the mission does not feel like a "Klingon" mission. I'll be honest -- and I know it's quibbling -- but I set out to do a KDF mission, not a Klingon mission. The character I used to write and test the story was an Orion and that influenced my approach. BUT -- you are correct that I should provide "Klingon" response options for those players playing a straight Klingon. Doing so will certainly enrich the mission. I will be updating for this.

    Hopefully Admiral vaQ felt like a real Klingon.

  • Names in general - I'll be honest: For the longest time I couldn't decide if this was going to be a comedic mission or a serious mission with some comic relief. I decided on the latter as I approached publishing the mission and removed quite a bit of dialogue that was, quite frankly, silly. (I made the player's BOFF's out to look like idiots at times.) The fact that so many names are still plainly silly and often thematic is an indication of a lack of polish. I should have reviewed all of them when I removed the silly dialog elements. I will be updating for this.

  • "prety crazy" -- That was a brand new response. My mission formatter highlights "Continue" responses in red, so I did some revamping earlier this week to reduce the continues. This typo slipped in. Good catch! I will be updating for this.

  • Qo'noS Battles -- The player's character makes a similar observation. But yes, more ships, would make a lot of sense. Qo'noS, the center of the Klingon Empire, should look very busy. I will be updating for this.

  • "...I turn your pretty..." ouch! I can't believe I missed that one. I will be updating for this.

  • Unfortunately Qapla' is not the same as qapla'. Romanized Klingon spelling is phonetic with capital- and lower-case letters representing different phonemes. I was very strict in my use of the Klingon language in this mission. That was part of my commitment to making this a KDF mission.

  • Trill Doctor - agreed. This is a vestige of an ill-begotten subplot that went nowhere. I need to remove it not only from Rienna's dialog on Triskelion, but also rework some of the earlier dialog where the player's character seems nervous about his/her relationship to the doctor. I will be updating for this.

  • "Starfllet" -- I just saw this in the output from my new mission review tool. In fact, I found out that you'd done your review because I had went into the Foundry editor to fix this very typo when I saw your in-game comments. I've already made this fix.


Thanks again for your insights, Brian. I really appreciate what you do with this.
Glad I could help. I really enjoyed the mission.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 200
# 812
11-07-2013, 04:25 PM
All changes have been applied. A fairly complete listing of changes will appear in the mission thread shortly.

Again, thank you so much for your review, Brian. It gave me a chance to step back from the mission and view it through another set of eyes.
Ensign
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 8
# 813
11-08-2013, 09:28 AM
Hi there,
I'd appreciate if you could put my first mission in your review queue.

Mission Name: Nausicaans in the Valley of Wind
Author: djscman
Minimum Level: no minimum, probably best around levels 10-40
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-(ID Number) ST-HRII7YPJ4
Estimated Mission Length: (Time to complete): no more than an hour. To read all dialogue paths you would need to play multiple times.

Thanks for volunteering your time and your hard work!
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 877
# 814
11-08-2013, 05:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by donperk View Post
All changes have been applied. A fairly complete listing of changes will appear in the mission thread shortly.

Again, thank you so much for your review, Brian. It gave me a chance to step back from the mission and view it through another set of eyes.
As always I am glad I could help. Keep up the good work.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 877
# 815
11-08-2013, 05:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by djscman View Post
Hi there,
I'd appreciate if you could put my first mission in your review queue.

Mission Name: Nausicaans in the Valley of Wind
Author: djscman
Minimum Level: no minimum, probably best around levels 10-40
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-(ID Number) ST-HRII7YPJ4
Estimated Mission Length: (Time to complete): no more than an hour. To read all dialogue paths you would need to play multiple times.

Thanks for volunteering your time and your hard work!
Hi djscman,

Welcome to the Foundry with your first mission and to the queue. Your mission is currently 12th in the queue behind drogyn1701. I will get to your mission as soon as I can.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 877
Quote:
Originally Posted by maninblack017 View Post
Hi.
If you get around to it, I'd love to get reviews of my two missions. The second one was just published today. These are the first two missions I've authored so I'd love to hear views on how I can improve.

The missions are:
Uprising: Act I - Off The Grid
Uprising: Act II - The Tempest

Both are federation missions. Thank you!
Federation Mission - Uprising: Act II - The Tempest
Author: maninblack
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: HHVBJJLMC

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission in the series with good map designs, fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. The mission was riveting from start to finish. I did note two maps you have in the mission that do not appear to be needed as they add nothing to the mission or the story. I would highly recommend this mission and the entire series.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good and detailed description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing all informational dialogue to [OOC] vice plain text.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "These ones come straight from the top" to read "They come straight from the top".

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial task for your first custom map. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this initial task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Starbase 117: This is a nice map design but seems unnecessary to the mission. You enter the map, fly across and beam to the ship. Consider removing this map and having the player beam directly to the U.S.S. Longstreet.

U.S.S. Longstreet: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Deck 10: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Battle Bridge: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Delta Vienna System: This is a good map design with fun battles and great story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the three scan to a single scan. The three scans seem pointless without a report following each one.

U.S.S. Interceptor Bridge: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Battle Bridge#2: This is a good map design with great story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Imperon System: This is a good map design with fun battles and great story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Deck 9 Forward: This is a good map design with fun battles and great story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Deck 9 Aft: This is a good map design with great effects and well written story dialogue. I do not feel like this map is to the mission. You should consider removing this map and reworking the previous map to take up this portion of the story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Imperon IV: This is a good, simple map design with great story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-One of the casualty patients has his head partially sticking in the crate. Consider moving the crate a little further out.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and the series. I am looking forward to the next installment in the series and to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 11/08/2013 on forum posting for: "Uprising: Act II - The Tempest" officially unofficial discussion thread
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".

Last edited by evil70th; 11-09-2013 at 08:44 AM.
Captain
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 5,397
# 817
11-08-2013, 07:58 PM
According to my calculations I'm second in the queue right now. Did I count right?

Enjoying reading these reviews. I'm learning a lot.
Capt. Kanril Eleya, U.S.S. Andraste, Strike Team Alpha

Useful Links for Foundry Writers | "Bait and Switch" -- Fed Foundry project, Part 1 rewards-qualified!
Say no to Arc! STO standalone installer
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 877
# 818
11-08-2013, 09:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by starswordc View Post
According to my calculations I'm second in the queue right now. Did I count right?

Enjoying reading these reviews. I'm learning a lot.
Hi starswordc,

Actually "Bait and Switch" is next in the queue.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 200
# 819
11-08-2013, 10:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Imperon System: This is a good map design with fun battles and great story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:

Deck 9 Forward: This is a good map design with fun battles and great story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:

Deck 9 Aft:...
Oops! It looks like something got left out, Brian!
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 877
# 820
11-09-2013, 08:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by donperk View Post
Oops! It looks like something got left out, Brian!
Hey donperk,

Oops. That was a cut and paste error on my part. I have corrected the report in both postings. Thanks for catching that and letting me know. The mission is a good mission and I enjoyed playing/reviewing it. Good work.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
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