Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashkrik23 View Post
Hi Evil. I just finished the finale for Part 2 of Perfection and I was hoping you could give it a test run.
This is a Federation level 41+ mission.


With the fall of Earth, the unthinkable has happened. The Borg, now powered by the Omega Molecule, have launched their final campaign to rid the galaxy of every species. With the Federation in shambles and every civilization under threat of extinction, there is only one hope. Can the the Federation and its allies and enemies come together to save their homes? Or will this spell the end for our existence as we know it?

You have been summoned to the Kalferi system, where a task force is the last stand against this impending genocide

This is the finale to the Perfection series started in part 1. This mission is intended for solo play. Bring a remodulator as this is a Borg mission. Please pay attention to the green mission text whenever you see it. Please report any issues or suggestions to @ashkrik23 by mail, reviews, or on the forum in the foundry section.
Federation Mission - Perfection - Part 2
Author: ashkrik23
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HTZQEB432

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This mission, like the first in the series, is a combat oriented mission with a story. Having said that, I think the story is quite well written and serves to move the player forward from combat to combat. I saw some feedback on the mission description page that places the mission at 45 minutes. Perhaps it is 45 minutes if you skip over the dialogue but with the dialogue it is at least an hour and half minimum. For the combat oriented player you may want to insert a "skip dialogue" feature that provides a summary of what the player needs to know to continue. I would definitely recommend this mission as well as part 1 of the series to all players who like a combat oriented mission with good story dialogue; however I would not recommend it on Elite as it was challenging enough on Normal.

My apologies for the failure of my screen capture late in the mission but I noted no spelling or grammatical errors on any of the maps. The story was very well written and blended together with the combat very nicely.

Below are just a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good albeit short grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
The U.S.S. Simba: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-At the briefing all NPCs refer to the player as [Rank] and [FirstName]. Consider changing that to [Rank] and [LastName].

Kalferi: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Cait System: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Cait: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider removing the [MissionInfo] dialogue telling the player to look for the cameo of another villain in the series. If it is not pertinent to the mission or an objective it only serves to detract from the mission.

NOTE: At this point in the mission review my screen capture software must have failed. It stops after the Cait map. I do not have the names for each map after this one but I did review the dialogue, map features and combat on each follow on map. I will complete the review by approximating the names for each map. If I missed any maps I apologize in advance.

Cait Molecule Facility map: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Cait Orbit Rendezvous map: This is a good map design with several very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

U.S.S. Simba Bridge map: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue and is an excellent wrap up to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-It felt odd that the player would "tattle" on the Klingon General about wanting to kill the other Admiral. The dialogue seemed unnecessary to the mission and you should consider removing it.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 01/25/2014 on forum posting for: Ashkrik23's foundry missions.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Empire Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 8,096
# 892
01-25-2014, 12:40 PM
Thank you .
King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride.
http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...1#post13990891
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
# 893
01-26-2014, 12:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashkrik23 View Post
Thank you .
Glad I could help.

Thanks for authoring and keep up the good work. Authored missions add more depth and keep the game interesting.
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 26
# 894
01-29-2014, 06:22 AM
EDIT: Nevermind, just discovered an error that didn't appear in the playthrough when I was in the editor. Maybe you can add mine to your list later and I can get some feedback when it's actually working.


Hey, evil70th, I just starting my venture into creating Foundry missions and am looking for feedback. You mind adding mine to your queue?

Mission Name: Foothold
Author: wildkazoo
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HN6PZ5EJS
Estimated Mission Length: 30 mins or less

Last edited by wildkazoo; 01-30-2014 at 04:15 PM.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
# 895
01-30-2014, 04:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wildkazoo View Post
EDIT: Nevermind, just discovered an error that didn't appear in the playthrough when I was in the editor. Maybe you can add mine to your list later and I can get some feedback when it's actually working.


Hey, evil70th, I just starting my venture into creating Foundry missions and am looking for feedback. You mind adding mine to your queue?

Mission Name: Foothold
Author: wildkazoo
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HN6PZ5EJS
Estimated Mission Length: 30 mins or less
Hi wildkazoo,

Welcome to the queue. No worries about the error you found as your mission is 12th in the queue behind sirboulevard. I will get to it as soon as I can but at 12th in the queue it will be a little bit. If you do need to pull it just let me know but I think you should leave it in the queue for now.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by voporak View Post
Name: Of Terror and Darkness
Faction: Fed
Author: @voporak
ID: ST-HS98ZW5VI

This is a sequel to Of Morals and Ethics. Thanks.
Federation Mission - Of Terror and Darkness
Author: voporak
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HS98ZW5VI

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with nice map designs, challenging but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to all players who like a good story combined with nice maps and challenging but fun battles.

Below I mentioned multiple searches or scans as a single objective with no dialogue. Almost every author has done something like this, including me at one time, so do not think this is only referring to your mission I am talking about. The problem with multiple searches and no dialogue in between is they can become boring and predictable. In a story oriented mission this can become monotonous. The solution is to add dialogue in between each search, scan or interaction. Even if it as simple as telling the player that nothing was found that is better than nothing at all. This can be accomplished with popup dialogue that triggers following a search, scan or interaction. The other method is to break up those interactions with dialogue in between.

Below are a couple of things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of your first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Admiral Kormek's Office on ESD: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Deep Space Nine: This is a nice map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The map feels a little too far spread out. Consider moving the objectives closer together.
-The problem with multiple scans as one objective is no dialogue in between each one. I will note the maps this occurs on and cover it in my summary.

Trivas system: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Empok Nor: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Treasure Trading Station: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Multiple searches as one objective.

Cait: This is a nice map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider repositioning the objectives on this map. Having the player run all the way across a map for the initial interaction is mildly annoying. If you are going to leave it then consider adding triggered dialogue as the player moves across the map.
-Multiple searches as one objective.

Memory Alpha System: This is a good map design with a fun group battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Memory Alpha: This is a nice map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

U.S.S. Black Phantom, Bridge: This is a nice map design with a very tough battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Memory Alpha Space: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-If the player tries to fly directly through the anomaly as directed by the dialogue there appears to be an invisible wall blocking. The player ends up having to turn to find a way around the wall.

Return to Admiral Kormek's Office: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue that nicely wraps up the story. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission and the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 01/31/2014 on forum posting for: Of Terror and Darkness
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.

Last edited by evil70th; 02-06-2014 at 07:28 PM.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally Posted by borrowedtune View Post
Feel free to add my mission to the list:

Title: A Taste of Collateral Damage
Author: BorrowedTune
ID: ST-HPMDJ5JQR
Allegiance: Starfleet
Federation Mission - A Taste of Collateral Damage
Author: BorrowedTune
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPMDJ5JQR

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with outstanding map designs, tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. Your use of the interior maps combined with exterior maps demonstrates a mastery of map designs within the Foundry and is some of the best I have seen. I would highly recommend this mission to all players. I was riveted by the story and map designs from the start.

On two of the maps were you combined exterior maps and built interior features is outstanding. As I mention below there were several issues with those maps involving the BOFF pathing. The issue is, most likely, the results of standard pathing for those particular maps versus the interior designs you created. Essentially as the BOFFs attempt to follow the player they get stuck if the player turns and cuts a corner. The BOFF does not know how to handle the presence of the object. Is this your fault? Absolutely not but you do need to be aware of this issue, especially when the player is engaged with enemy mobs and half their BOFFs are stuck down the hall away from the fight.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The follow on dialogue use of the response button "Continue". Consider changing this to be an acknowledgement of the orders just given and accepted by the player.

Mission Task: This is a good use of the initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. . I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
ABRAXAS SYSTEM: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

STATION AZURE 9: This is a great map that demonstrates a mastery of the design concept within the Foundry. The battles were tough but fun and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Two of the MKII Drones in the lab are lying on the floor under the bed. Consider checking them to ensure that all are correctly positioned.
-This may be more a product of the Foundry than anything you can do but in the underground facility of the map the BOFFs kept getting stuck in walls and on corners. This is most likely a pathing issue based on the transition to this portion of the map you used. Because of that I doubt you can resolve this issue but it may be worth reporting to Cryptic.
-The use of the response button "Continue". As always I feel something else can be put here to better represent the player's response.

ABRAXAS III: This is a great map that once again demonstrates your skills with Foundry map design. The battles are tough but not impossible, and the dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The dialogue with First; consider changing it to cascading dialogue that takes the player through each question and allowing them to exit on each as well.
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The cave is very well designed and executed but again there is a problem with the BOFF pathing. This is most likely out of your control as with the other mentioned above you should be aware of it.

ABRAXAS SYSTEM #2: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

STATION AZURE 9 #2: This is a great map design with good puzzles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

FACILITY ONE: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a fantastic job creating this mission from start to finish. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 02/01/2014 on forum posting for: A Taste of Collateral Damage
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Empire Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 8,096
# 898
02-01-2014, 08:01 PM
Hi Evil, I wanted to submit the first 2 parts of my new series. This takes place after Perfection. All the info.


Scars of the Pride
Part 1:Vacation So Short
Synopsis,

It has been 7 months since the Borg's defeat at Cait. The galaxy has gradually recovered and rebuilt ever since then. You have played a fundamental role in bringing many civilizations back to a normal lifestyle. Now you have been given an extended vacation for both you and your crew to the planet of Bajor for a well-earned rest. Your time on leave will be cut short as a mysterious attack upon the city of Hathon will spark the flame of a new conflict. This new evil is malicious and old scars left upon some of your closest friends will burn once more. You will learn that there is more to the history of them than meets the eyes.

This is a story dialogue mission with some ground combat. Takes place after the Perfection Series. Recommend you play that first if you haven't already. This mission also assumes you saved M'Sarabi in Perfection, which is considered the canon ending.

Scars of the Pride Pt 2:The Claw
Synopsis: It has been three days since the attack on Bajor. You and your crew have completed your leave time while waiting for Admiral Taka to contact you with the results of M'Kiara's study of the toxin Captain T'Vitani used on herself. A new breakthrough with the Borg medical technology could serve as something to adapt against this toxin. Someone else has their eyes on this device though, and for the wrong reasons...The toxin's true effects are about to be witnessed, Not even the U.S.S. Simba will be safe from this threat. Report to the Lateri System in the Beta Ursae sector block.
King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride.
http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...1#post13990891
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 97
# 899
02-01-2014, 08:19 PM
Wow. Thanks for the great review.

Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
-The follow on dialogue use of the response button "Continue". Consider changing this to be an acknowledgement of the orders just given and accepted by the player.
Hehe... I know this is your pet peeve and expected this comment. The "continue" button is only used a few times throughout the mission and always means "I'm listening... go to the next prompt." To be honest, I haven't found any other option to my liking that works any better. In my opinion, the occasional default "continue" is acceptable.

Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
-Two of the MKII Drones in the lab are lying on the floor under the bed. Consider checking them to ensure that all are correctly positioned.
To my everlasting shame, sometimes those drones just refuse to behave. Usually, they all lay nice and comfy in their beds. Sometimes they do not. It's a bug I've seen in Cryptic missions as well. I'm not quite sure why it happens. It might have something to do with transitioning and the order in which objects appear once triggered or it's just another side effect of the issue below. It also could have something to do with NPC costume size considering others in the mission seem to enjoy nap time without protest.

Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
-This may be more a product of the Foundry than anything you can do but in the underground facility of the map the BOFFs kept getting stuck in walls and on corners. This is most likely a pathing issue based on the transition to this portion of the map you used. Because of that I doubt you can resolve this issue but it may be worth reporting to Cryptic.
You're exactly right. It has to do with pathing failing to account for transitioned objects. You should have seen early versions of that map with boffs falling into the floor. A total nightmare. I do, however, have some ideas and think I can solve most of those corners in an upcoming update. Failing that, I may tone down the fights or even add helpers if needed. Those fights aren't really meant to be a challenge but more of a plot device.

Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
-The dialogue with First; consider changing it to cascading dialogue that takes the player through each question and allowing them to exit on each as well.
Great minds think alike. This has already been adjusted and will be updated as you recommended upon next publish. The original thought was that the dialogue is more multi-player friendly in its current state. Triggered buttons can sometimes make for odd multi-player interactions. However, there's just too many "questions" to scroll through when it first appears and that is more detracting overall.

Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
-The cave is very well designed and executed but again there is a problem with the BOFF pathing. This is most likely out of your control as with the other mentioned above you should be aware of it.
I assume this means you found the optional on that map with the steps. I have a dialogue pop-up there to warn the player to keep their boffs stationed below but it's pretty lame. This was a somewhat recent addition to the mission and I might have some ideas on how to polish that stairway. We'll see how it goes.

Thanks again for the playthrough and review.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 26
# 900
02-03-2014, 04:38 PM
So. mine is ready now. Thanks for taking the time to review this for me.

Just in case you need it again:

Mission: Foothold
Author: wildkazoo
ID: ST-HN6PZ5EJS

Playtime is about 30-40 minutes. It's for Fed characters and you will need a remodulator.
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