Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
# 971
04-22-2014, 06:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by elijahthomassto View Post
Hi Evil70th, I recently published my first ever foundry mission. If you could add it to your list, I'd appreciate that. Here are the details:

Mission Title: Raptor's Reflection
Author: @ElijahThomas
Project ID: ST-HTNN3WO5B
Faction: Federation (Recommended for play with Starfleet Character)
Level Requirement: 31+
Estimated Time: 30 - 40 Minutes

Synopsis:

You are contacted by Captain Shon of the U.S.S. Enterprise with a request for assistance near the former Romulan Star Empire. However, what seems like a routine mission of mercy will soon erupt into a deadly game played across two universes.


Features:

My First Published Foundry Mission
Play Time between 30 and 40 minutes
Story-based mission with plenty of dialog
Space and Interior Combat
Every map is custom made
Hi Elijah,

Welcome to the foundry and the queue. Your mission is currently 23rd in the queue behind Joe_King. I will get to your mission as soon as I can.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Career Officer
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 93
# 972
05-02-2014, 01:36 PM
Evil,

I would like to submit another mission for review =)

State of the Union
Fed 41+
Playtime: 1-2 hours
ID: ST-HQZMJ6ISV


Act I of III
Tytasita, a member world with a newly elected government, is preparing to secede from the Federation. The Federation Council has sent diplomats to meet with the new government. During negotiations, the diplomats were arrested as terrorists and are awaiting a trial.

Starfleet Command was able to arrange a meeting with Tytasian representatives, who agreed to meet with you at Deep Space Nine.
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3
# 973
05-03-2014, 05:15 AM
Mission Name: Boot Camp
Author: Theatrrap
Minimum Level: 46+ or above
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HT68H8HC2
Estimated Mission Length: About 60 minutes.

Start Point: Door on Main Concourse of Earth Space Dock

Description: You and your crew have been selected to attend a special refresher boot camp intended for Starfleet's elite. Times are dangerous and we need our best men to truly be their best. Please report to the transports at Earth Space Dock.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
# 974
05-11-2014, 11:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by councilspectre View Post
Evil,

I would like to submit another mission for review =)

State of the Union
Fed 41+
Playtime: 1-2 hours
ID: ST-HQZMJ6ISV


Act I of III
Tytasita, a member world with a newly elected government, is preparing to secede from the Federation. The Federation Council has sent diplomats to meet with the new government. During negotiations, the diplomats were arrested as terrorists and are awaiting a trial.

Starfleet Command was able to arrange a meeting with Tytasian representatives, who agreed to meet with you at Deep Space Nine.
Hi councilspectre,

Welcome back to the queue. Your mission is currently 23rd in the queue behind ElijahThomas. I will get through the queue to your mission as soon as I can.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
# 975
05-11-2014, 11:14 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by theatrrap2 View Post
Mission Name: Boot Camp
Author: Theatrrap
Minimum Level: 46+ or above
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HT68H8HC2
Estimated Mission Length: About 60 minutes.

Start Point: Door on Main Concourse of Earth Space Dock

Description: You and your crew have been selected to attend a special refresher boot camp intended for Starfleet's elite. Times are dangerous and we need our best men to truly be their best. Please report to the transports at Earth Space Dock.
Hi Theatrrap,

Welcome to the queue. Your mission is currently 24th in the queue behind councilspectre. I will get through the queue as soon as I can and review your mission.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashkrik23 View Post
Hi Evil, I wanted to submit the first 2 parts of my new series. This takes place after Perfection. All the info.

Scars of the Pride Pt 2:The Claw
Synopsis: It has been three days since the attack on Bajor. You and your crew have completed your leave time while waiting for Admiral Taka to contact you with the results of M'Kiara's study of the toxin Captain T'Vitani used on herself. A new breakthrough with the Borg medical technology could serve as something to adapt against this toxin. Someone else has their eyes on this device though, and for the wrong reasons...The toxin's true effects are about to be witnessed, Not even the U.S.S. Simba will be safe from this threat. Report to the Lateri System in the Beta Ursae sector block.
Federation Mission - Scars of the Pride - Part 2: The Claw
Author: ashkrik23
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID:

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. You have definitely improved your spelling and grammar in this story over the previous mission. While I would recommend this mission to all players I would not recommend them on Elite level. The toughness of the enemy mobs more than a challenge on normal level.

I mentioned the use of puzzles on two of the maps below. The use puzzles can be fun but they should serve a purpose in the story. Making them part of a decryption sequence for access to a door did not appear to add anything to the story. You did use a bypass puzzle button but the puzzles you used did not appear to add to the story. It would make more sense that a Starfleet officer would be able to override any security protocol on a Starfleet vessel.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue albeit an unusual approach I like it. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
U.S.S. Simba Research Level: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Puzzles can be fun but should have something to do with the story. Consider removing the puzzle to open the door to the shuttle bay. It does not enhance the story in anyway.
-Consider changing the turbo lift to the standard Federation turbolift. The one you are using looks out of place.

Engineering: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The respawn point is behind the force field. If a player is forced to use it they cannot complete the map. Consider removing the force field or moving it where it will not place the player behind it if they have to respawn.
-Consider making the bombs all the same.
-Consider changing the random logs that are not objectives on the map to be a body that is set to appear after the enemy mobs are killed.
-The Reman Personal Log; consider changing "The can not be allowed" to read "They cannot be allowed".
-Consider removing the puzzle. It does not enhance the story in anyway.
-Consider changing the turbo lift to the standard Federation turbolift.
-Consider changing the map name to "U.S.S. Simba Engineering" in order to match the other ship maps.

U.S.S. Simba Bridge: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider removing the question by the player "Speaking of Zira, who is she". Since you do not intend to answer the question and the player ends up agreeing they do not need to know makes the question irrelevant to the story.
-Consider changing the turbo lift to the standard Federation turbolift.

U.S.S. Simba Crew Deck: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

U.S.S. Simba Medbay: This is a good map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Claw dialogue; consider changing "did not go unnoticed. but I'm sure" to read "did not go unnoticed, but I'm sure"
-Consider changing "Your rashness clerly demonstrates" to read "Your rashness clearly demonstrates".

Lateri System: This is a good map with very tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job with this mission and the series so far.
Brian

This critique report also filed 05/11/2014 on forum posting for: Ashkrik23's foundry missions.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
Hi folks,

As many of you know I have reviewed over 250 Foundry missions in the past few years. In that time I have identified a variety of issues that need to be reworked in those missions. This is a republishing of my paper regarding, what I consider to be, a set of "best practices" for authoring missions. I also highly recommend using Starbase UGC as they have several topics covering using the Foundry. Please remember, everything in this paper is only my opinion based on my experience, and they are yours to use of not as you choose.

Plots, storyline and dialogue:

The creation of a storyline is one of the most important elements of mission development. The author needs to capture the player's attention and then hold it for the length of the mission. Most players do not mind playing longer missions as long as there are elements to it that keep them engaged in the story.

Regardless of a mission being story or combat oriented it needs to have a plot to drive the action forward. In a combat mission if all the player does is flying into a system and battle large quantities of enemy mobs, then beams down to a planet, ship or a station to engage more enemy mobs with a single line of dialogue like, "Beam down sir" most likely the player will get bored quickly. This is true with a story oriented mission too. If a player spends time playing a story oriented mission and the plot makes no sense at all then you will lose them quickly as well. You have to have some plot to support the mission and it needs to make sense. Some things to consider when creating a plot for your mission:


  1. What is the motivation of the player to be in this mission? The mission is never as simple as "Fly in and kill the enemy". Then you put every type of enemy on the map. For me this would become tedious really quickly. That is not to say you cannot have multiple factions on a map but is there something to it. For example, there is a secret alliance between the Klingons and Romulans to destroy the Federation. If you don't explain that through even a short bit of dialogue the player will be lost and wonder why they should continue.

  2. What is the goal of the antagonist in the story? The enemy in the mission needs to have a goal. Are they here to wipe all sentient life forms in the universe? Why? There needs to be something driving the story forward.

  3. What is the goal of the protagonist in the story? The good guys need a goal that makes sense as well. If they are simply here with a secret agenda from Section 31 and they can't possibly share with the player. Then why play? There needs to be something to drive the story forward. By the way that was not intended as a dig at Section 31 missions. Okay, maybe just a little.

  4. What is the overall mission goal? Are we here once again to save the universe from another devastating enemy force, or are we finding the secret to an ancient civilization, and their technology. There has to be a point that brings the mission to a close and at the same time makes sense to the player. In the end it is up to the author to write a story, either combat or story oriented, that draws the player in and keeps them riveted to the seat in front of their computer.

The story dialogue that drives the mission forward is another element to good mission design. If the story dialogue does not make sense you will lose the player really quickly and your mission will become tedious. There is a simple way to avoid this. Read the dialogue out loud. This means to actually read the dialogue out loud while you sit in front of the screen testing the mission. When you read it to yourself your brain can trick you into thinking you actually said something in the dialogue that you knew was supposed to be there but actually is not. The brain is an amazing tool that helps us interpret the world around us. When we read something to ourselves and certain things are missing the brain will fill in the gaps by making assumptions. This is especially true if it is something you wrote, because you knew exactly what you wanted to say, even if you didn't write it like that.

Spelling and grammar errors:

As a general rule I will not lower my rating of a mission based solely on the spelling or grammatical errors, but it can be a contributing factor to a lower score. Many of the mission ratings I read, prior to playing a mission, mention "spelling" or "grammar" or both as an issue. Since that is the main thing they mention in their review on STO it would be logical to assume that accounts for a large part of the rating they've given the mission. In some cases it is a three star or less and others a four star rating. Yes even some are five stars with the accompanying "spelling" or "grammar" issues comment. The point here is spelling and grammar issues can easily be addressed with spelling/grammar checking available in most word processor programs on the market today. I write scripts for my missions using MS Word as my principle means of spell checking my dialogue. In the early days of my mission evaluation I noted a few spelling errors that, it did not occur to me at the time, were due to the differences in UK English and US English. I've done so many mission reviews at this point I hardly notice the difference anymore.

Map utilization:

This is an element of mission development that can be abused. To put it simply, just because you can create 10 maps does not mean you should. These are just a few things to consider when creating a map for your mission:

  1. Is this map really needed to tell the story? I have played a few missions where I am to rendezvous with an NPC on a planet, ship, or base. When I get to the entry point for the first custom map and I fly into the system, the spawn point places me half way across the map. The initial dialogue, if any, is one of my BOFF's reporting we've arrived in the system and the NPC we are to meet with is waiting for us. I then fly all the way across the map, with nothing going on, to find another NPC with one or two lines that tell me to transport to the planet, ship or base. Then I am transferring maps again. This would be an example of poor map utilization. To fix this I would recommend the author delete the map and make the actual map where I rendezvous with the NPC the first custom map coming from a Cryptic map.

  2. Do the elements of this map support the story? This means have you placed the right elements on a given map, which includes dialogue, objects, and effects that will support the story. It does not mean you cannot have extra elements on a map for dressing just be sure they do not detract from the story you are trying to tell. In other words, you don't want the extras in the background stealing the scene from the star of the show.

  3. Can maps be combined and still tell the story? This means can you tell the story and combine the elements in one map. For example, you have a trip to a planetary system that you want to put into the story. You combine a space map with a warping effect. The player has a log they are reading or discussing the mission with their BOFFs as part of the story telling. At a certain point in the dialogue the player is prompted to drop out of warp and the planet that appears. This allows the author to include the elements of two maps into one and still tell their story. This would also free up another map space in the mission for your story if you really need it.

Triggers, effects, and NPC utilization:

Using triggers to tell a story is another important skill to have when developing a mission in the Foundry. Here are a couple of ways they can help:

  1. I have recently learned how to use objects to trigger optional dialogue on a map vice NPC's. This allows the author to add a sub-plot or supporting dialogue that may not be required to complete the map but adds to the overall story. It also gives the author the ability to make the dialogue go away after the player has interacted with it. This is not the case when an author uses the standard NPC to trigger optional dialogue. I've played missions where I spawn on a ground map and there are several information icons "I" all over the map. Only one is really important to the story and required to finish the map but now I have to sift through them all. Then all the optional dialogue NPC says is a one liner about how busy they are and tells the player not to bother them. It has nothing to do with the story and is very annoying. The player spends 20 minutes trying to find the NPC they have to talk with in order to continue the mission. The short version of this would be try the trigger objects for optional dialogue. It works great.

  2. Triggers can also be used to activate effects, trigger enemy mobs, open doors or even set up new options. It is a way of having branching story dialogue on an individual map and allows the author to tell a more in-depth story if the player seeks it out. An example of this would be in my mission "Contamination" I have an option that pops up on a map where the player can trigger an anesthetic gas that knocks out the enemy giving the player the option to avoid combat. If they choose not to do that before reaching another trigger point on the map the option goes away. I use this for optional dialogue as well on virtually all the maps I designed for that mission. It is a good work around for the linear nature of the storyline in the Foundry albeit only for each map and will not affect the overall storyline. However if the story is well written the player will never notice that.

Using effects to dress up a story is another important skill to have when developing a mission in the Foundry. Here are a few things to consider:

  1. There is no point in adding an effect that the player never sees. For example, you set a warp core to breach on a ship and then beam to your ship to trigger it, but the spawn point faces away from the explosion. In that same example the ship must move to a safe distance before detonating an explosion. They move away and the explosion goes off while they are facing away. So then the question is, why bother adding the actual effect? You want to showcase the effects as part of the story, so you have the spawn point facing the blast. Then when the player triggers the explosion they get to see the boom.
  2. The opposite of this would be having effects that overwhelm the story or other map features. In the "Map Utilization" section above I mentioned "extras in the background stealing the scene from the star", this would apply to effects too. I've played missions where the author designed a beautiful map and filled it with a great story. It took me 20 minutes to find anything because the author had it filled with NPC triggered optional dialogue and a heavy dust storm so I could not see anything until I was right on top of it. Now that is very tedious. That doesn't mean you shouldn't use the dust storm effect, but be careful how you use it. Does it really do anything for the story? If not, then why have it?

  3. Some of the effects do not work exactly as the DEV's intended. What the heck does that mean? It means that some of the effects were designed to work in certain situations but not in others. In some cases the effects are just plain broken. When you find those elements you should provide a detailed report to the DEV's so they can fix it. It may not get fixed right away but it will get there eventually, and they can't fix it if they don't know it's broke. This was true for some of the space explosions when the Foundry first opened for use. Now they work pretty well.

  4. The utilization of NPC is another issue that can be easily overlooked by an author. The difference between NPC's and NPC groups is the individual NPC's in the groups will default to the name of the character. For example a Klingon warrior will be labeled "Warrior" or a Starfleet tactical officer will be labeled "Tactical Officer" or something along those lines. With NPC's if they are not given a specific name they show up on the map as "UGC Contact", which can detract from your story. The point here is that if you place NPC's on a map as background you should name them, even if it is simply copying the designation to the name field.

Testing your mission:

There have been a number of times when I mention to the author "I cannot find a story element" or "the element doesn't work" in their mission. The normal response I get back is "It worked great when I tested it" or "I had no problem with it". Here are few things the author needs to remember:

  1. Just because it worked during testing in the Foundry doesn't mean it will during regular play. The only way to be sure is to test it in live play on the server. When I do this I put something in the description regarding "Testing, please do not play" or something along those lines. That will not prevent idiots from picking up your mission and rating it because, as I said, they are idiots, but it will give you a chance to test if it works in live play.

  2. You should also remember that just because you are able to find the story point, interaction, trigger, or other mission objective on a map does not mean the player will be able to. Take into consideration that you designed a mission and of course you know right where everything is and how to get to it. The player will not have that advantage unless you give them clues through dialogue or other mission elements that point them in the right direction. This would also apply to mission length. For you the mission may only take 15 minutes to complete, but for a player it takes an hour because they do not know instinctively where everything is.

The use of response buttons:

When I refer to response buttons I mean the buttons at the bottom of the dialogue window. I know you might have thought that based on my mission reviews this would be at the top of the list. While I do feel it is important, it is not as important as the other items discussed above. As most anyone who has read just about any of my mission reviews knows the use of the response button "Continue" is a pet peeve of mine. There are occasions where it works although I encourage authors to use alternatives to it. For example "..." vice "Continue". Part of this is because I want the author to consider what response is appropriate to the dialogue. As all authors should be aware "Continue" is the default if you leave the button blank. Why does this matter? In my opinion it detracts from your story. For example, one of the player's BOFF's says "Captain, there is a Klingon Bird of Prey decloaking off the port bow" the play's response is "Continue". It just doesn't seem to fit the dialogue.

In the end it is up to the author how they want to use these response buttons to drive the story forward. Remember you can also put the players response in the dialogue window as well, you just have to make it stand out from the other dialogue. Using either [OCC] or [MissionInfo] dialogue is the best way to make it stand out. I prefer the [OOC] myself when designing more extensive responses from the player.


Summary:

It's the details that will get you every single time. I think everyone who has ever had a mission reviewed by me knows I do in-depth but fair reports on authors missions. I have tried to capture those elements that are what I consider to be "Best Practices" in this paper. The above items are ways I feel missions can be improved by the authors. By improving your missions you in turn improve the community and the quality of play for everyone. This makes the entire STO experience a much deeper and rich experience for all players. I reserve the right to edit anything in this paper without notice.

Thanks for reading,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
I have posted my "Best Practices" paper and in many of my reviews over the past few years I have recommended the author use a script. I have been using scripts for years in my animation work that I do on the side, so it was a natural thing for me to use in the creation of my Foundry missions. With all those factors in mind here is an example of my template with explanations for each line iteam.

The first section is an important for creating a mission.

Mission Title: Your mission name
Project ID: Assigned when you create the mission.
Allegiance: Federation or Klingon
Level: This depends on the mission elements too.

Description: This is a summary of the story to help you figure out what the purpose of the mission is. This will also help you write a summary that will draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button.

Cast:
This is optional but is recommend to help you keep track of your characters and make sure you create the ones you need.

Grant Mission Dialog:
This is used to write the dialogue that will make the player want to click the 'Accept' button. You can of course add follow on dialogue that occurs after the player has accepted the mission.

Map Name: The name of the map you are going to create
Map Type: This is for your notes on the map type. Is it Space, Ground, or Interior?
Map Description This is for your notes on the map. For example; Space with "Weather Starstreaks WestEast 01" effects, class "Y" planet, and class "D" moon. Triggered interaction animation "Coming from warp" with "Weather Starstreaks WestEast 01" effects disappear, while planet and moon appear.
Map Transfer: This is for your notes. For example; Earth Space Dock > Your Map Name
Map Text: This becomes your initial mission task. For example; Enter Bridge from panel across from Transporter Room ESD.
NPC: This is the dialogue from the NPC who is speaking to the player. The NPC part is usually whoever the NPC is., For example; Tactical Officer (Bridge).
Button: This is the entry button to your map. For example; Energize.

Mission Task: This is the task from the mission story section. For example; Explore the ruins.

NPC: As above this is where I write the dialogue from an NPC that the player will read. The NPC is where I put the name or title of whomever the layer is speaking with.
Response: This is where I put the player response to the dialogue.

If the dialogue has multiple responses I number each one and indicate that on the NPC dialogue that matches that button. It helps for more complex dialogue. Speaking of more complex dialogue, I recommend you use reducing response buttons to dialogue rather than having the player return to the same dialogue with the same responses to choose another. It is a little more work but I think it makes the story flow better. The only time I use a repeating dialogue with the same response buttons over and over is for database entries in a computer or something along those lines.

For Reach Markers:

Reach Marker: What is it?
NPC: Is there NPC dialogue?
Response: What is the player response button?

For Interaction:

Mission Task: What is the interaction in the story? For example; Initial scan
Interact: What is the interaction button? For example; Scan

If the is enemy combat:

Engage Enemy 1 of 3
Engage Enemy 2 of 3
Engage Enemy 3 of 3

Below is the entire script template I use for you to copy and paste into Word for your own use.

-------Script Example--------

Mission Title:
Project ID:
Allegiance:
Level: 16+
Description: [Rank] [LastName], (STORY SUMMARY)

[OOC] Authors Notes:
Heavy dialog with some combat.
Estimate length;
minutes with full dialog.
with "Skip Dialog".[/OOC]

Cast:


Summary:

Authors Note:

Grant Mission Dialog:

Map Name:
Map Transfer:
Map Text:
NPC:
Button:

Mission Task:

NPC:
Response:

NPC:
Response:

Mission Task:

NPC:
Response:

NPC:
Response:
Optional Response: I would like to move on please. (Skip Dialog)
NPC Optional Response:
Response: Got it. Thanks...

Reach Marker:
NPC:
Response:

Mission Task:

NPC:
Response:

Map Name:
Map Transfer:
Map Text:
NPC:
Button:

Mission Task:
Interact:

NPC:
Response:

Mission Task:
Engage Enemy 1/3
Engage Enemy 2/3
Engage Enemy 3/3

NPC:
Response:

NPC:
Response:

End Mission

------End Example------

I hope this helps and if you have any questions please let me know.
Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 767
Quote:
Originally Posted by nikkojt View Post
Hello! I'm back a bit earlier than I thought - I was able to complete testing on Lonesome Heart sooner than expected, so I'd like to submit it for your review.
This one is longer and more complex than A Personal Favour, with some more interesting stuff happening. I just hope I managed to keep the story straight...

Lonesome Heart
Federation, ST-HGM9WKQKU, level 31+, nikkojt

Thanks!
Federation Mission - Lonesome Heart
Author: nikkojt
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HGM9WKQKU

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with fun battles and well written story dialogue. If you like a mission with a mixture of combat and well written story dialogue then you will want to play this mission. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players.

I mention triggered dialogue vice NPC optional dialogue that is not required to accomplish the mission. This would be dialogue that is available for the player to read and is located along their path as they move across the map but is not required to accomplish the mission. You can also place it next to mission dialogue. The prompt would appear for the player to click on it and then once the player interacts it disappears. The exception to this would be dialogue that is informational but not required to complete the mission. For example; it refines the player's instructions for locating something on the map that may not be clear in the mission dialogue. I would think this type of dialogue should be rare in a mission. Regular mission dialogue should always be clear on the task at hand.

Below are a few things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description overall. Consider adding a little more story to draw the player in and make them want to click 'Hail'. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This grant dialogue is well written but needs a little more story. You need to draw the player in and make them want to click 'Accept'. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Vulcan System: This is a good map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.

Intercept Point Alpha: This is a good map with balanced battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Intercept Point Charlie: This is a good map with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

USS Chaos Theory Engineering: This is a good map with nice battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.

USS Chaos Theory Bridge: This is a good map with challenging battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

True Way Hideout: This is a good map with balanced battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Obsidian Order Cruiser: This is a good map with nice battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it. Additionally do not have NPCs that have dialogue available moving around. It makes it very hard to read the dialogue when they move away from the player.
-Consider placing a respawn point in the corridor between both battles.

Vulcan System #2: This is a good map with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job and I would have given you 5 stars if the rating system was available..
Brian

This critique report also filed 05/17/2014 on forum posting for: Battle Group Chaos Theory [mission hub thread]
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Commander
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 356
# 980
05-18-2014, 02:47 PM
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you like it.

On the subject of optional dialogue - I did initially use reach markers and popups, but during testing I noted some issues where the popup could be suppressed by combat, and thereby hidden away in the bottom right where a player might not notice it. I preferred to give people the choice of going and investigating at their leisure.

As for NPCs with dialogue moving...I don't recall that being supposed to happen. I'll look into it.

Oh, and while I'm here, before the queue gets another three miles longer
I published the conclusion to this arc just before S9, and I'd like to request a review for it now you've played Lonesome Heart.

Sunset Blues
Federation, ST-HD5OM2ZDI, level 31+

Thanks again!
I am NikkoJT, Foundry author and terrible player. Follow me!
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