Lieutenant
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 74
# 11
02-07-2013, 05:13 PM
(Bump for Ep. 4 release)
Join Date: Dec 2009 <Actual Join Date)
My Foundry Missions:
The Wave Empire Series: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...d.php?t=279751
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 782
Quote:
Originally Posted by skyline475 View Post
Hey evil, I'm back again xD

Got another mission for you to check out when you can.

Mission Name: The Wave Empire Ep.4
Author: Skyline45
Minimum Level: 35+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HQDWSGADV
Est. Time: 50min
Recommended Difficulty: Normal
Federation Mission - The Wave Empire Ep.4
Author: Skyline45
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HQDWSGADV

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with several tough battles throughout, great map designs, and well written story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to other players.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider putting the start location of the first custom map in the initial task. It will make it easier for the player to start your mission. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
The Wave Empire Warp Gate: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Please alt stop" to read "Please all stop".
-Consider changing the response button "Helms bring her to an alt stop" to read "Helm, bring her to all stop".

The Wave Empire Warp Gate Docking Station Threshold: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Hmm, It'd be risky" to read "Hmm, it'd be risky"

Transport Shuttle F292: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "a lot of unawnsered questions" to read "a lot of unanswered questions".
-Consider changing "Load torpedos" to read "Load torpedoes".
-Consider changing "Torpedos are deadlocked" to read "Torpedoes are deadlocked".
-Consider changing "I can awnser them" to read "I can answer them".
-Consider changing "Captain, one hostle down" to read "Captain, one hostile down".
-Consider changing "Two hostles coming" to read "Two hostiles coming".
-Consider changing "use those torpedos" to read "use those torpedoes".
-Consider changing "Fire all aft torpedos" to read "Fire all aft torpedoes".

Achilles Maximum Prison: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Achilles System: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Unknown Location: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the wrap gate now" to read "the warp gate now".
-Consider changing "We'll re-inforce you as soon as we can" to read "We'll reinforce you as soon as we can".
-Consider changing "All hostles neutralized" to read "All hostiles neutralized".

Breen Dreadnought Interior Brig Level: This is a good map design with several tough battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "According to the ship's logg" to read "According to the ship's log".

NX7 Eclipse Bridge: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing Captain Yuina Skyline's dialogue to triggered dialogue, or make it part of the storyline.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission in the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 02/09/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 74
# 13
02-19-2013, 08:24 PM
Check out Catstarsto's review on the series so far! ^.^

http://www.catstarsto.com/federation-foundry-reviews

Thank you again Catstarsto for the review xD
Join Date: Dec 2009 <Actual Join Date)
My Foundry Missions:
The Wave Empire Series: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...d.php?t=279751

Last edited by skyline475; 05-17-2013 at 08:51 PM.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 74
# 14
05-17-2013, 08:23 PM
(Bump for Ep.5 release)

Mission Name: The Wave Empire Ep.5
Author: Skyline45
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-HNN7Z42LT
Est. Time: 1hr
Recommended Difficulty: Normal
Description:
The Waveloids are holding one of their most cherished celebrations, Liberum Mentem. Fleet Admiral Vincient Skyline has extended you the honor of attending. However, his intentions are not one of a celebratory manner. The threat of another Misthi power grab remains the most precedent issue, and the Admiral will not sit idly by. Your orders are to meet with Fleet Admiral Vincient Skyline, and follow out his orders.
Join Date: Dec 2009 <Actual Join Date)
My Foundry Missions:
The Wave Empire Series: http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...d.php?t=279751
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 782
Quote:
Originally Posted by skyline475 View Post
Hey Evil. I'm glad to see you're still doing these things. Well I've finally finished my series, and would like to know what you think.


Mission Name: The Wave Empire Ep.5
Author: skyline45
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HNN7Z42LT
Estimated Mission Length: 1hr

Method of Report Delivery: Just the normal place will do. http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...d.php?t=279751

Thank you again, and I look forward to reading your report ^.^
Federation Mission - The Wave Empire Ep.5
Author: skyline45
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HNN7Z42LT

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with several tough battles, well written story dialogue, and is a nice wrap up to the series. The map designs are good with nice designs. The battles are very tough on most of the maps but not unbeatable; I just would not recommend it on Elite level. The story dialogue is well written and serves to drive the story forward. I would highly recommend this mission to all players who enjoy those elements in combination.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "Your orders are to meet with Fleet Admiral Vincient Skyline, and follow out his orders" to read "You are to meet with Fleet Admiral Vincient Skyline, and follow his orders".

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: The initial task should contain the starting point for the first custom map to help the player find your mission starting point.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Waveloid Warp Gate: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider triggering the anomaly formation after the Gate Keeper conversation.

Animus System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Waveloid Border Control dialogue; consider changing "please all stop" to read "please come to all stop".

Waveloid Celebration Center: This is a good map design and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider checking the seated NPCs around the tables. Several of them are seated above the seats.
-The Fleet Admiral Vincient Skyline dialogue; consider changing "that only you and the cew you trust" to read "that only you and the crew you trust".
-Consider changing "follow my orders that are on that data disk out immediately" to read "carry out my orders on that data disk immediately".
-The Captain Yuina Skyline dialogue; consider changing "The celebration was just getting started" to read "The celebration is just getting started".
-Consider changing the response button "This doesn' count as our dinner, now does it" to read "This doesn't count as our dinner, now does it".

Deep Space: This is a great map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Star Streak Warp effect you are using seems to have an issue. If you are using WeatherStarStreaks East-West 01 then I suggest you report it to Cryptic. If not then I suggest you replace the effect with the WeatherStarStreaks East-West 01.
-The post "Disable both ships" dialogue; consider changing "One of the escorts have been destroyed" to read "One of the escorts has been destroyed".

Federation Cruiser 5 Emissary Shuttle Bay: This is a great map design with tough battles and good story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Federation Cruiser 5 Emissary Bridge: This is a great map design with tough battles and well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the response button "Did you take out all thse Misthi alone" to read "Did you take out all these Misthi alone".
-The Ascended Yuina dialogue; consider changing "has now recieved the blessing" to read "has now received the blessing".
-Consider changing the response button "Then we have are next destination" to read "Then we have our next destination".

Daimon Uioda's Base of Operations: This is a great map design with tough battles and well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "Appraoching the coordinates [Rank]" to read "Approaching the coordinates [Rank]".
-The invisible object you have to trigger the "Drop out of warp" task is labeled "Invisible Object - 10ft". Consider relabeling it "Drop out of warp".
-Consider changing "coordinates that Fleet Admiral Skyine gave us" to read "coordinates that Fleet Admiral Skyline gave us".
-Consider changing the response button "Helms take us in" to read "Helm, take us in".
-The post "Scan Damaged Colony" dialogue; consider changing "multiple contacts de-cloaking on our position" to read "multiple vessels de-cloaking all around us".
-Consider changing the response button "Helms, follow that warp trail" to read "Helm, follow that warp trail".
-The Ascended Yuina dialogue; consider changing "My brother recieved word from our planet" to read "My brother received word from our planet".
-Consider changing the response button "We wont let that happen Yuina" to read "We won't let that happen Yuina".
-Consider changing the response button "fabricating it's self" to read "fabricating itself".
-The post "Drop out of warp" task dialogue; consider changing "[Rank], Im picking up a ship ID tag" to read "[Rank], I'm picking up a ship ID tag".
-Consider changing the response button "Helms take us in" to read "Helm, take us in".

NX7 Brig Level: This is a great map design with tough battles and well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider making the "Romulan Prisoner" to be triggered dialogue by placing an invisible object where the Romulan Prisoner is. Then after the player interacts with him the dialogue option goes away.
-The Fleet Admiral Vincient Skyline dialogue; consider changing "this cell is just to my right" to read "this cell is just to my left". The console is to the left of the Admiral.

NX7 Eclipse Bridge: This is a great map design with tough battles and well written dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Daimon Uioda dialogue; consider changing "Well isn't my faviote Starship [Rank]" to read "Well if it isn't my favorite starship captain"
-Consider changing "On second though" to read "On second thought".
-The Ascended Yuina dialogue; consider changing "When im on Earth" to read "When I'm on Earth"

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and the entire series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of you work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 09/22/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
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