Ensign
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 2
Hello dear ladies and gentlemen,

Not unlike my earlier post on the Starbase UGC forums, I'm also going to trawl here to garner some reviews for my first Foundry mission. I finished it earlier this month (but wasn't allowed to post on the forums before today) and it turns out getting reviews is a much slower process then I expected.

The mission is currently still in the review pane (and hence not visible on the frontpage). You'll have to search for (and I apologize beforehand for the pretentious latin title): "Exitus Acta Probat" Part One (searching for the term 'Exitus' will make it visible).

I'd greatly appreciate any suggestions, nitpicks and constructive criticisms you can give me (here or in-game, pokes are welcome, random fleet invites a bit less )!

@Lazharra


PS: I've added a part of the in-game mission preview window:

Starfleet Command has ordered your ship to the Chapel system to investigate the disappearance of the S.S. Ghent, an old freighter heading to Deep Space Nine.

The mission is available for Starfleet captains of ranks 35 and up.
The mission should take between 20 and 45 minutes, depending on your dialog choices.
The mission is fairly dialog-heavy.
The mission was designed for a single-player experience. Multiple players may result in unexpected effects.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 37
# 2
01-26-2015, 09:57 AM
Left a rating as requested. I think it's a good mission and a promising start to a larger story arc.

A few remarks:

1. It's more a matter of personal taste but regarding the mission description I would use the MissionInfo environment (green letters) only to state the entry point and put everything else (estimated time, level requirements and other comments about the mission) in an OOC environment (yellow letters).

2. The first mission objective should state the entry point once again. Didn't do that in the first version of my first foundry mission either but it's possible that there will be a time gap between picking the mission and actually starting it (might be that the player wants to fill his DOFF assignments first) and some might forget where they were supposed to go.

In short consider changing the first objective to something like "Enter the Chapel system and contact Vice Admiral Thaal"

3. I think the word "circumstance" was misspelled in the first dialogue after entering the chapel system. There may be others but I didn't really look for such things.

4. I found it a bit odd to be addressed as "skipper" by my chief engineer. Once again a matter of personal taste I guess.

5. You state that Breen are well known to be using type 3 disruptors. This is in accordance with memory alpha but ingame they are more usually equipped with polaron weapons. Some players might find that confusing (normally I wouldn't mention that but you stress this link to a certain weapon type quite a bit in your storytelling).

6. At the end you have the default text "Go to next map" upon returning to sector space. This can not be changed on map transitions back to cryptic maps but you don't actually need to end your mission with one. (I had the same problem on my first mission. Fortunately a more experienced author helped me out)
Ensign
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 2
# 3
02-09-2015, 11:15 AM
Thank you for your feedback stCaptainQuirky, much appreciated!

1. A good point, I'll look into the colours for the briefing.

2. You're right, beginner's mistake, I'll fix it with the new build (should be able to get some quality time in with the mission next week).

3. Gah, though I purged all the spelling errors, but they do keep cropping up. Fine tooth-comb incoming.

4. It's a bit of a pet thing of mine. I like missions that give the BOffs a voice beyond the generic, even if it might not completely fit with every crew/player. I might reconsider it for later missions, but right now it adds to my fun with making the mission.

5. You are completely right. I tend to focus on the series lore (Hence the Generations reference there), and keep forgetting STO has its own lore. Point well taken, I'll take more care next mission.

6. I kept going back and forth on that Cryptic transition. I think I'll listen to you and RogueEnterprise (he was kind enough to help me out at UGC as well) and just leave it out.

Last edited by hirogenhunter; 02-09-2015 at 11:17 AM.
Ensign
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 3
# 4 Quick look
02-09-2015, 01:54 PM
Hello!
I've just taken a poke at your mission. I've made a few notes (Actual paper notes, I take my foundry seriously).
The set up for the mission is good (Apart from the [missionInfo] and [OOC] mix-up but that can be fixed when the foundry is back up) It makes sense but doesn't give much up. As for spelling errors.... I can't comment, The only error i noticed was "Allready" instead or "already" (But dyslexia is a beast).
A few general word based errors I noticed (Milkrun instead of milk-run and a few strange phrases "Agreeable that you returned"?)
One major issue I had was spawns in the Breen base. Every spawn I had was too far forward. For example, I spawned behind the door in the command centre before I killed all the Breen guards.
I think you vastly overstated the length of the mission, It took me about 20 and I read all the dialogue.

Other than that, quite great! Looking forward to the next part. (When the foundry comes back up, Damn you cryptic!)
I can genuinely see this as a spotlight when the next round of those come around.

See you next time!
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