Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 24
# 1 Star trek online jokes.
11-20-2014, 11:31 AM
I figured that since this patch is taking forever, I might has well write some jokes. Jokes are kinda like a fan fiction, right? Besides, this first one kinda tells a story. lol

Star trek is weird:

Once apon a time, the beige orange and the hue men argued on Rom-u-land (A land where CDs and letters live in harmony or something), about what color's the best, until they got really borg, I mean bored, so bored in fact that they had to klingon for dear life. Then they got so disgustingly bored that they "Un dined", in other words, puked with style. xD

Patch notes:

(Switches to a pirate ship, with a pirate captain with a patch over his eye, pirate yells): Yo, eye patch, take it away!

(Pirate attaches a musical instrument set to his face so that the drums and stuff are in front of the eye patch, and the eye patch takes some drum sticks and starts hitting them, then starts singing)

Eye patch: Yo ho ho, I am an eye patch. The captain's eye can't see, but we're off to sea, me and the sea are a perfect match.

Yo ho ho, it is weird, when I hang out with red beard. But what can I say, my weirdness kept him at bay.

And I mean that literally, not figuratively, the bay was in england, his eyes on he couldn't depe-e-e-e-e-end!

And we sing yo ho ho, I'm talking, woah. The chemicals in your brain, must be low.

There's a singing eye patch on the loose, next to it is a faceless moose.

You must be going crazy, your mind must be hazy, maybe you spent too much time being lazy.

(Eye patch switches to a helium voice)

Eye patch: I am feared, I got red beard, now at me you peered. You saw me, so now...

(Eye patch jumps off, lands on the ground with arms and legs it grew, takes a giant exclamation point from behind it's back, and throws it at you)


lol, get it? Patch notes? Has in musical notes from an eye patch? I figured that with this patch taking so long, that song is perfect for this. xD

A lot of stuff on STO is really trippy...

In queues where you have to fight some super advanced alien species, how does lunge do ANYTHING compared to your energy weapons? I'm pretty sure it would work even without the armor on, so it's not the armor giving you super strength. I mean, I remember an episode of star trek where Riker said that a phaser could take out half a building, unless you're chuck norris, you can't do that with a jump kick. It's like "An advanced species with photon grenades, could theoretically beam a photon torpedo into the ship next to the bad guys and set it to low power so it makes just the right sized explosion to kill the bad guys, have laser guns, warp drive, but forget it, I'm just gonna jump kick them" xD
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,248
# 2
11-20-2014, 12:07 PM
God was bored one day, and decided to walk among "his people" just for a change.

As he was walking down a city street, he came across a man sitting on the curb crying. God asked the man "Why do you cry, My Son? What has you so sad". The man replyed... "I have been blind since birth. I have never seen the sunset, or the face of a beautiful woman". God, taking pity on the man reached out and touched the side of his face. The man suddenly shook his head and looked around... He jumped up screaming... "I can see... I can see... It's a miracle... I can see". God continued his walk, feeling better than he had in a long time.

Soon, he came across another man sitting on a box, crying. God asked the man... "Why do you cry, My Son? What has you so sad... The man replied, "I was born without the ability to walk. I have never strolled the beach with a woman, I have never danced with the woman I love...". God, taking pity on the man reached out and touched his shoulder... The man suddenly jumped up, yelling... can walk... I can walk... It's a miracle... I can walk...".

God, feeling real good now, continued his walk. Soon, he came across another man, sitting on the curb crying. God asked the man "Why do you cry, My Son? What has you so sad".

The man looked up and said..."My name is Tacofangs, and I work for Cryptic...

God, sat down and cryed with him...
Plaque by Voporak
I love nice long walks in the country.
Especially if they're taken by people who annoy me!

Last edited by oldkirkfan; 11-20-2014 at 12:21 PM.
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 455
# 3
Yesterday, 11:37 AM

I love jokes, people should be able to laugh at anything. If you can't make fun of something, you aren't fully enjoying it to begin with!

Have you ever noticed the Planet Killer looks like a Bugles air Crisp? Perhaps they could make Bugles as mini planet killer fighters! Given the density of an air crisp, they would be up to standard for a fighters hull HP too. XD

Nerf Formula> D=m/v + (STO) = 1/2 hp

What the forums sound like when a new patch/season is added.


Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 455
# 4
Yesterday, 12:00 PM
I have to share this one with you as well; I needed some me time this week so I locked myself in the den to work on leveling my Romulan. I worked on her uninterrupted for 5 hours strait and made huge progress, now I'm half way there woohoo! But my husband has also begun to refer to me as Penny. lolz
Career Officer
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 461
# 5
Yesterday, 12:02 PM

One starry night a Captain had a dream.

He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Q.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.

For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:

one belonging to him, and the other to the Q.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,

he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of his life

there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the

very lowest and saddest times in his life, like when Delta Rising was released.

This really bothered him and he questioned the Q about it.

"Q, You said that once I decided to follow You,

You'd walk with me all the way.

But I have noticed that during the most troublesome

times in my life, there is only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why when I needed You most at the launch of Delta Rising

You would leave me."

The Q replied, "El Capitain, My precious Captain,

I would never leave you during your times of trial and suffering, Especially during the Delta Rising Launch.

When you see only one set of footprints,

it was then that I carried you."

-- Captain Unknown
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 536
# 6
Yesterday, 12:06 PM
"Can anyone remember when we used to be explorers?" Jean-Luc Picard

Last edited by xigbarg; Yesterday at 12:08 PM.

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