Lieutenant
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 36
Star Trek: Odyssey - Season 1, Episode 5 - "War Plans"
Project ID: ST-HHU2HZQAT

A secret document, created by Starfleet Security, outlining the defensive strategies of Federation colonies along the Neutral Zone and the weapons capabilities of Federation ships, has been stolen from the computer system at Deep Space K7, in the Sherman System. You are to proceed to K7 and retrieve any clues as to the identity and whereabouts of the culprit, find him, and destroy the secret plans before he has the opportunity to deliver them to the Klingon Empire.

Contains: Mystery & Intrigue/Space Combat/Ground Combat/Puzzles/Single-Player

Mission Start: Deep Space K7 (Eta Eridani Sector)

Now available on the foundry. Search under ST-HHU2HZQAT

Last edited by captainazzarano; 09-14-2012 at 07:27 AM.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 36
# 2
09-14-2012, 06:36 PM
I need 5 people to submit reviews and play this mission in order for it to be made public. I'm pretty sure you'll like it. It's some of my best work yet, in my opinion.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
Quote:
Originally Posted by captainazzarano View Post
Submitted for your reviewing consideration.

Mission Name: Star Trek: Odyssey - Season 1, Episode 5 - "War Plans"
Author: Captainazzarano
Minimum Level: Any (Personal Recommendation 20+)
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHU2HZQAT
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Minutes
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post

A secret document, created by Starfleet Security, outlining the defensive strategies of Federation colonies along the Neutral Zone and the weapons capabilities of Federation ships, has been stolen from the computer system at Deep Space K7, in the Sherman System. You are to proceed to K7 and retrieve any clues as to the identity and whereabouts of the culprit, find him, and destroy the secret plans before he has the opportunity to deliver them to the Klingon Empire.

Contains: Mystery & Intrigue/Space Combat/Ground Combat/Puzzles/Single-Player

Mission Start: Deep Space K7 (Eta Eridani Sector)
Federation Mission - Star Trek: Odyssey - Season 1, Episode 5 - "War Plans"
Author: Captainazzarano
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HHU2HZQAT

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with excellent map designs, tough battles, and really good story dialogue. The mission is a lot of fun and I would highly recommend it to all players who like a good combination of good stories and map design with tough but fun battles. You will enjoy this mission.

The use of maps as a story transfer point with minimal dialogue or story points. This is becoming another pet peeve of mine mainly because of the map transfer time and little story value added. I mentioned it in my Evil70th's Best Practices entry earlier in this posting. Some of the key elements; is the map necessary to tell the story? Do the elements of this map support the story? Can maps be combined and still tell the story? That last element is a key ingredient to getting around some of the other short comings all authors know of in the Foundry. For example, the "Sherman System Redux" map could be combined with the "Azure Nebula" map by using a regular space map. You could then add all the elements of the "Azure Nebula" and have them invisible. You would then have the player materialize on the map in warp space. The dialogue could be added from a BOFF reporting you are approaching the nebula. When the player triggers the "Drop from warp" the warp streaks disappear and the Azure Nebula elements appear. The effect for the interaction would be "Coming from warp". Yes this adds a little more work for the author because they have to build the Azure Nebula map but it expands the story and your control over it.

This is not just your mission, so please do not take it that way. The use of puzzles in missions can be fun or annoying depending on the puzzle or the player. Some puzzles are fun and require attention to detail to solve. Others require the player to have knowledge of certain elements or access to resources that will help them solve the puzzle. The attention to detail puzzles are fun but not for all players. In those circumstances I recommend the use of a "By pass puzzle" button. The ones that require certain knowledge or access to resources can also be fun but not to all players. Some players do not like having to do math when trying to play a game. This is another instance where the "By pass puzzle" option would be nice to have. In your case your puzzles did not completely reset to the beginning if you got some of the answer correct and missed one element. That was a nice touch and I liked that. I imagine the tree you used was not a simple one to get that to work right. However you did it I felt it was nicely done.

I noted "Optional Dialogue" used on a couple of the maps. Consider using triggered dialogue instead. This would allow the player to interact with NPCs on that map and once they do so the dialogue option disappears. You can also set it up so if certain story elements are completed then the optional dialogue would disappear as well.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue, but I recommend the initial part of the dialogue be in regular text and keep the "Mission start" information in [MissionInfo] format. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Sherman System: This is a good map design but it does not seem to serve a purpose in the story. There is one short line of dialogue and then the map transfer dialogue. Consider removing this map and taking the player directly to the "Station Operations" map. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue

Station Operations: This is a really good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing all the current "Optional Dialogue" to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.
-The fractal code was interesting but if you selected the wrong number nothing happened. It only registered a change when you selected the correct answer. Was this intentional? I'll cover a little more detail on this puzzle and puzzles in general in the summary.
-The turbolift interaction. Consider changing the "Accessing Wall Console" animation to something else or removing the interaction all together. It looks odd.

Deck C Holding Bays: This is a good map design with very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial spawn point placement. Consider moving it out a little from the back wall of the turbolift. Some of my BOFFs materialized behind the turbo lift. They were able to get unstuck but it can be annoying to have your BOFFs stuck in a map.
-The same issue as the previous map transfer interaction with the turbolift.
-Consider changing all the current "Optional Dialogue" to triggered dialogue that goes away after the player interacts with it.

Station Ops: This is a good map design with very well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The initial spawn point placement. Consider moving it out a little from the back wall of the turbolift. All my BOFFs materialized inside the turbo lift, but appeared to get stuck inside the turbolift, and could not follow me.

Sherman System Redux: This is a good map design but it does not seem to serve a purpose in the story. There is one short line of dialogue the player has to move to a point and then the map transfer dialogue. Consider adding more to this map or removing the map and taking the player directly to the "Azure Nebula" map. I understand the desire to have the ship warp into the nebula on the next map but there needs to be more to the story. I will address this in my summary in more detail. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue

Azure Nebula: This is a good map design with some tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "We may be able to destroy the station be planting an anti-matter bomb in the reactor" to read "We may be able to destroy the station by planting an anti-matter bomb in the reactor"

Ta'vot Station: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles. The story dialogue and interactive mission points were very well done. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Azure Nebula Redux: This is a good map design with well written dialogue. Consider changing the effect that follows the station explosion. The heat wave effect does not really add to the story and limits the player's view of the station destruction. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Sherman System Brief: This is a good map design with nice wrap up dialogue for the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider removing the [OOC] dialogue at the end of the mission that asks for dilithium tips and blames the bugs on Cryptic and the Foundry. It only detracts from your story and adds nothing to the story. If players like your work they will rate you and tip appropriately.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 09/15/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 36
# 4
12-18-2012, 12:44 AM
Hello Everyone,

I'm sure there are fans of the series that are wondering when the next episode is coming out. I started on it in September, when I got a big break. I got a job!

I've been pretty busy since, but since I have off the next couple of days, I'm going to try to work on the episode and, hopefully, release it in the next couple days.
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