Summary: This is a great mission with excellent map design, tough but fun battles and very well written story dialogue. For a very first mission you did outstanding. It makes me look forward to the series you plan to create. If the writing and map design is as good as you have done with this one I look forward to seeing them. You really need to flesh out the description because you are cheating yourself out of potential players who do not read my forum posting. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a short description. You should consider adding a little more story to draw the player in and make them want to click "Hail". I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a very intriguing grant dialogue. Consider changing the grant dialogue from [MissionInfo] format. Your use of it in the follow up dialogue is better suited as it actually contains information that pertains to the mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Consider adding the start location of the first custom map in the initial mission task to include the sector block. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS: Andoria System: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Andoria Debris Site: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider using [MissionInfo] dialogue rather than using [OOC] dialogue for mission specific goals. Specifically the initial dialogue uses [OOC] dialogue to tell the player what they must do to reach the objectives.
-Consider adding respawn points further into the map. The battles are pretty well balanced but the last one is pretty tough.
Andoria System: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. However as I proceeded forward to engage the enemy there is dialogue that pops up just before I engaged. I do not think this was intentional. Once I read the dialogue after combat it seemed to fit post combat, except for the "Warped" dialogue which refers to the Klingon ship as if it still existed. Specifically the dialogue says "[Rank], the Klingon ship is somehow creating massive spatial distortions". It almost felt as if the "Warped" dialogue would fit prior to combat and "Warped 2 and 3" dialogues fit post combat.
Fluidic Andoria: This is a good map design with fun optional combat and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The spatial distortion is visible from the minute the player spawns. Was this intentional? Based on the dialogue that follows the "Locate, Beam up Borg tech" tasks it seems that was not intended. Consider making it appear after the task is completed by using the "State" settings on the object.
Andoria System: This is a nice map design with well written story dialogue and is a nice mission wrap up. I understand the need to bring the player back to this map to end the story but you should add a little more in depth explanation of what happened in the dialogue. There is barely enough dialogue there to justify the map I would normally call the lack of dialogue an issue. Add to that you leave us hanging? I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "A starfleet task force has already arrived at Andoria" to read "A Starfleet task force has already arrived at Andoria".
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job for your first mission and I am looking forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.