Commander
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 394
# 11
12-14-2012, 05:25 AM
Mine is posted. I wanted something a little different, so my gift is that of one people paying another for a service that could never really be repaid.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,357
# 12
12-14-2012, 09:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bortjinx View Post
Mine is posted. I wanted something a little different, so my gift is that of one people paying another for a service that could never really be repaid.
I like it, that has the potential to develop a fantastic character
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,357
# 13
12-16-2012, 12:32 PM
@ ironphoenix113: A nice read, although my one crit is: Why would the First Officer be questioning the wearing of the sabre, when she was then revealed to be doing likewise Other than that, fantastic
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 216
# 14
12-16-2012, 12:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
@ ironphoenix113: A nice read, although my one crit is: Why would the First Officer be questioning the wearing of the sabre, when she was then revealed to be doing likewise Other than that, fantastic
Hey! Thanks for reading it! The reason she questioned it is because Ibalei (Bryan's first officer) has a reputation for being a little sacrcastic, and also, she was curious as to why Bryan wore it as he (Bryan) is not ordinarily known for being nostalgic. Anyways, ty again for giving it a read.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,357
# 15
12-16-2012, 04:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironphoenix113 View Post
Hey! Thanks for reading it! The reason she questioned it is because Ibalei (Bryan's first officer) has a reputation for being a little sacrcastic, and also, she was curious as to why Bryan wore it as he (Bryan) is not ordinarily known for being nostalgic. Anyways, ty again for giving it a read.
Ahh, that makes sense Part of the fun of reading other people's work is being introduced to new characters, the only downside, is not always knowing the backstory and personal eccentricities And no worries, thanks for taking the time to write and share
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 37
# 16
12-16-2012, 08:17 PM
Okay, new habit I'm getting myself in, since I like seeing us all actually talking about the stuff we write. I'll go over the other entries, give my opinions and then do mine. Yay discussion!

marcusdkane: Nice little story. Not much else to say, really. Too well written for there to be any constructive criticism, and you said all you wanted and needed to say in it, without going overboard on anything. Basically, that was a nice, solid entry there.

amurorx0: One little nitpick. Fair warning, I get strange when it comes to words. I think WAY too hard about them sometimes, and ... 'the familiar dischord of the transporter beam.' Dischord pinged my word OCD, I'm afraid. A typo? I looked into the word and the only place I found it as other than a typo was on urbandictionary where the meaning was 'to rip out the spinal chord, similar to disembowel' ... never mind the typo in that description. Cord, not chord. It's a little thing, but, as I said, I get weird about words sometimes. Otherwise, it's a good story. I've read a few of your previous entires, so, while there's still a few holes, I know that's the nature of time travel and, as time goes on, those holes will be filled in - and new ones opened.

jennnmarshall: Aww. That's cute. The sentences at the beginning seemed a bit abrupt, but otherwise, again, a good story. I agree that it was a bit of a pity that it was all a holodeck program, but it does show that Catface cares, still.

bortjinx: I find myself hoping the kid stays on the ship. I know, hardly the best place for him, but would be interesting to see what happens with him.

ironphoenix113: The only thing I can think of to say has already been asked and answered, and that was why would the first officer ask why, when she had been there with him a year ago. But, you explained that.

So, we pretty much have generally good stories and nothing else so far. No pressure on me to keep up the good stuff, then.

Last edited by keepcalm; 12-16-2012 at 08:24 PM.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,357
# 17
12-17-2012, 04:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by keepcalm View Post
Okay, new habit I'm getting myself in, since I like seeing us all actually talking about the stuff we write. I'll go over the other entries, give my opinions and then do mine. Yay discussion!

marcusdkane: Nice little story. Not much else to say, really. Too well written for there to be any constructive criticism, and you said all you wanted and needed to say in it, without going overboard on anything. Basically, that was a nice, solid entry there.
Thanks for the feedback, it's much appreciated I really enjoyed reading your entry, it was thoughtful, introspective and touching, without being overly so It had an economic minimalism to it, which was refreshing to read. Not a lot was written, but what was written, said a lot
Commander
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 394
# 18
12-17-2012, 04:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
I like it, that has the potential to develop a fantastic character
Quote:
Originally Posted by keepcalm View Post
bortjinx: I find myself hoping the kid stays on the ship. I know, hardly the best place for him, but would be interesting to see what happens with him.
Thanks for the feedback guys, it's always good to know people enjoy reading what you write

I liked yours Marcus. A tattoo is a simply idea, yet can say so much. I agree with Keepcalm, not much to be said. Very nicely written

And Keepcalm, I love your language comments, how one item changes it's name depending on which aspect of said item is most important at the time of speaking. Cleverly done

Quote:
Originally Posted by keepcalm View Post
amurorx0: One little nitpick. Fair warning, I get strange when it comes to words. I think WAY too hard about them sometimes, and ... 'the familiar dischord of the transporter beam.' Dischord pinged my word OCD, I'm afraid. A typo? I looked into the word and the only place I found it as other than a typo was on urbandictionary where the meaning was 'to rip out the spinal chord, similar to disembowel' ... never mind the typo in that description. Cord, not chord. It's a little thing, but, as I said, I get weird about words sometimes. Otherwise, it's a good story. I've read a few of your previous entires, so, while there's still a few holes, I know that's the nature of time travel and, as time goes on, those holes will be filled in - and new ones opened.
This is a fantastic typo xD

Last edited by bortjinx; 12-17-2012 at 04:32 AM.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,357
# 19
12-17-2012, 10:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bortjinx View Post
Thanks for the feedback guys, it's always good to know people enjoy reading what you write

I liked yours Marcus. A tattoo is a simply idea, yet can say so much. I agree with Keepcalm, not much to be said. Very nicely written
Any time, it was a very enjoyable read, and thanks I figured there's not enough known tattooing in the Trekverse (Other than how bored Romulan miners pass the time... ) although there can't be any Starfleet regs against tattoos, as Chakotay's ink is rather visible and thought about how sailors would traditionally get tattooed while travelling, so wanted to do something along that line... Equally, the piece is intended as a continuation from my last entry, and that seemed the easiest way of doing so, while fulfilling the requirements of the challenge...

@ Shevet:
I've never been a fan of the descriptive present tense eg "She rolls forwards" rather than "She rolled forwards" but that's just my own personal quirk... I thought that your entry was excellently written, and an entertainingly amusing read. The overuse of language was obvious, but a fun quirk. If anything, the only thing I didn't like, was the idea of Starfleet officers making racist comments, but other than that, a great read
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 37
# 20
12-17-2012, 12:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post

@ Shevet:
I've never been a fan of the descriptive present tense eg "She rolls forwards" rather than "She rolled forwards" but that's just my own personal quirk... I thought that your entry was excellently written, and an entertainingly amusing read. The overuse of language was obvious, but a fun quirk. If anything, the only thing I didn't like, was the idea of Starfleet officers making racist comments, but other than that, a great read
Pretty much this, +1. Except, I loved Thirethequ and every ship needs a Jolciot. Those guys look like fun to write.
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