Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 884
Quote:
Originally Posted by skydawnknight View Post
This is a multi-part series. Only two parts so far. I enjoy reading your reviews, so it would be great to get your input on either or both. Thank you!

1st Part:
Mission Name: Dark Alliance Part 1
Author: @Skydawn
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPVNOTTZY
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 min

This is my mission thread: Dark Alliance Series
Federation Mission - Dark Alliance Part 1
Author: Skydawn
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HPVNOTTZY

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great mission with good map designs, tough, but, fun battles, and excellent story dialogue. I would highly recommend this mission to other players although not on Elite level. It is a great beginning to the series.

I noted the use of the response button "Continue" quite a lot in the mission. Even though this is a personal preference I feel it is something for you to consider. The use of "Continue" can be appropriate in conjunction with some dialog but many others it seems awkward. The Captain should always respond to a report or other information given in the dialog. You can also use this as a stepping stone to the next dialog. Despite the fact the Foundry is limited in what you can do to have the player more active in conversations; the use of [OOC] dialogue within that conversation gives the author that tool. I have seen it used in other missions and have used it myself. I have used the following;
[OOC][Rank] LastName]:
Story dialogue here.[/OOC]
You can also have additional dialogue after the [OOC] if needed and finish the player response in the response button.

I have not mentioned this for a while but found it a couple of times on the "Earth Space Dock" map. The use of lower case spelling for ranks in the dialogue. As a retired U.S. Navy Chief and after 24 years of service I can say that by tradition if referring in generic terms to a rank the use of lower case letters is fine. For example "The rank of captain is one that every officer would like to achieve". When referring to a person of a specific rank you should capitalize the first letter. For example "I'm Alicia Gray, Captain of the U.S.S. Centurion" vice the way it shows up in the story. It is something to consider and other players might miss it completely.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This description tells the player nothing of the story. Consider adding a little of the story to draw the player in. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider adding the start location to the initial task to help the player find the start position. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Admiral Fielding's Office: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue". I will note the maps this appears on and discuss it in the summary above.

Garion Station Orbit: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider moving the trigger for the "Intercept the enemy ship" further out from the Main Enemy Battleship. The surprise you were aiming at failed to trigger properly. I was within 11km of that ship when you triggered the dialogue that leads to the Enemy Cruiser. Unfortunately I turned off the feature that stops the player when dialogue appears. So I was engaged with the Main Enemy Battleship before the second ship could be triggered by dialogue. I ended up defeating the two ships separately which made the dialogue that was triggered seem out of place.

Sol System: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

Earth Space Dock: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue. This will allow the dialogue to go away once the player interacts with it. It can also be set to go away once a particular task is completed.
-Consider changing rank references to capitalize the first letter of the full rank when referring to a specific person in that rank. I will cover this in more detail in the summary.
-Several of the doors you placed to cover an entry way are not lined up with the entry way. Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor. It is located in the upper right hand corner of the map editor.

Earth Space Dock Sub Deck 1385: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing the optional dialogue to triggered optional dialogue.
-Consider changing rank references to capitalize the first letter of the full rank when referring to a specific person in that rank.
-The "Activate the power hubs" consoles appear to be lower than other consoles, which makes it look odd when the player interacts with it. Consider raising the consoles. Most likely this is caused by the Snap to Grid feature on the map editor
-The post "Activate the central computer" dialogue; consider changing "In their name, I, Lord Magdagon, I will destroy you" to read "In their name, I, Lord Magdagon, will destroy you".

Sol System - Earth Orbit: This is a good map design with tough, but fun battles, and well written story dialogue. It is a good wrap up to this mission. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the development of this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future and the next mission in this series.
Brian

This critique report also filed 03/05/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Lieutenant
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 44
# 12
03-09-2013, 05:20 AM
Hey skydawn,

Yours was the first foundry mission I've played (part I) and absolutely loved it. My ingame review was a bit short but I really enjoy it, well deserves 5 stars (and splotlighting imho). The story has got to be my favourite part of it, I don't want to spoil things for anyone else but it really took things to an unexpected place. When I get time I look forward to playing part II.

The only negative point I had about it was that the ground section dragged on a bit, that may have been me getting hopelessly lost rather than a fault with the map. Even getting lost the enemy spawns coming in kept me on my toes so it is a small complaint in an otherwise wonderful hour or so of fun.


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Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 144
# 13
03-09-2013, 08:28 AM
I'm sorry, but these missions were nothing short of amazing to me. I've played a lot of engaging Foundry missions, but this is the first that really had me pumped all the way through. I really can't explain enough how excited I am to play part 3.

Last night you mentioned these missions in chat and I was honestly just expecting something good but not nearly this good. I'm sure there MIGHT be some flaws somewhere, but even if there is, who effing cares? The story was totally immersive, the dialogue between npcs, the scope of the mission, everything was just really excited to me during play.

I can't wait to play part 3.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 884
Hi Skydawn,

I was in the process of evaluating your second mission in the series but the Aurora Lounge map appears to have an issue upon spawn. My character and the away team beam in and are stuck half way in the ceiling and cannot get free. I left the mission and came back but still found the exact same issue. I am postponing your mission review until you have fixed this issue. Let me know when it is fixed and I?ll pick the mission back up.

Thanks
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 126
# 15
03-09-2013, 09:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by remairtamec View Post
Hey skydawn,

Yours was the first foundry mission I've played (part I) and absolutely loved it. My ingame review was a bit short but I really enjoy it, well deserves 5 stars (and splotlighting imho). The story has got to be my favourite part of it, I don't want to spoil things for anyone else but it really took things to an unexpected place. When I get time I look forward to playing part II.

The only negative point I had about it was that the ground section dragged on a bit, that may have been me getting hopelessly lost rather than a fault with the map. Even getting lost the enemy spawns coming in kept me on my toes so it is a small complaint in an otherwise wonderful hour or so of fun.
I did get some feedback that the consoles in Part 1 were a little difficult to locate on Spacedock. I might change it, but so long as no one gets angry over the extra difficulty, I might just leave it as it is too.


by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 126
# 16
03-09-2013, 09:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by geoff484 View Post
I'm sorry, but these missions were nothing short of amazing to me. I've played a lot of engaging Foundry missions, but this is the first that really had me pumped all the way through. I really can't explain enough how excited I am to play part 3.

Last night you mentioned these missions in chat and I was honestly just expecting something good but not nearly this good. I'm sure there MIGHT be some flaws somewhere, but even if there is, who effing cares? The story was totally immersive, the dialogue between npcs, the scope of the mission, everything was just really excited to me during play.

I can't wait to play part 3.
Thanks, Geoff! I'm glad you really liked it! Working on Part 3 now, but I really need the extra TOS stuff to become available to do it right.


by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 126
# 17
03-09-2013, 10:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by evil70th View Post
Hi Skydawn,

I was in the process of evaluating your second mission in the series but the Aurora Lounge map appears to have an issue upon spawn. My character and the away team beam in and are stuck half way in the ceiling and cannot get free. I left the mission and came back but still found the exact same issue. I am postponing your mission review until you have fixed this issue. Let me know when it is fixed and I?ll pick the mission back up.

Thanks
Brian
This is the first I've heard about this, Brian. Tested it out on my own and it works just fine. I just went into the mission editor anyway and moved the spawn point forward and up just a little bit. I hope that helps. I wonder if maybe it's the size of your character. Do you have one that's really tall/short?

Please drop the mission entirely and pick it up again to get the newer version.

Again, thank you so much for doing this review.


by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
Lieutenant
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 44
# 18
03-12-2013, 11:47 AM
Hi Skydawn,

Just finished part 2 and loved it. My favourite bit has to be in the lounge playing with all the optional things, I strongly recommend anyone who plays this takes time to mess around there. Although I'll say there was maybe one too many pop-culture references, the first was fun but after a while they just jar you out of the immersion.

The only section I had any real issue with was the first ground combat section, one encounter in a big bright flashy room. The problem was the flashing did give me a bit of a headache trying to play through it, this was compounded by one group spawning two people inside the debris against a wall. I managed to coax them out by sort of rubbing up against the wall, which allowed me to target them and eventually trigger them to teleport to the middle of the room. The flashing lights and the long wait there due to that bugged combat just left a bit of a bad taste.

The rest was fantastic, a good mix of dialogue, combat (some quite challenging) and really enjoyable set design. Oh, and the epilogue was a fun idea A nice send-off to the whole episode.

Let us know when part 3 is out!


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Ensign
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1
# 19
03-18-2013, 01:59 AM
I really liked part one and two.When is part three going to be ready? Cant leave me hanging now.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 126
# 20
03-19-2013, 04:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrbuck63 View Post
I really liked part one and two.When is part three going to be ready? Cant leave me hanging now.
Working on part 3 right now but due to RL issues, its going to be at least a couple weeks before I can get the maps done. I did however adjust some of the ground effects in Part 2, as it was causing some lag issues on lower end video cards.

I'll let everyone know when it's all done. Glad you all enjoyed it.


by @Skydawn - member of Starbase UGC
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