Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,288
# 51
01-13-2013, 10:00 PM
OK...I'm not sure what weird little brain cell this idea came out of, but I dreamed this captain up (literally, while half asleep) last night, and I had to write him.

http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...1&postcount=15

Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM me for more. :-)

Sig by gulberat. Avatar credit to balsavor.deviantart.com
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 547
# 52
01-13-2013, 10:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
OK...I'm not sure what weird little brain cell this idea came out of, but I dreamed this captain up (literally, while half asleep) last night, and I had to write him.

http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...1&postcount=15
I gotta say, I'm impressed. That's really cool. You best be using this for somethin'.

After all, Dividian's are a mob you can use in the foundry. You can even costume over other mobs so they'll fight like them. Just sayin'... (After you finish the second part of your current mission though, of course.)
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,288
# 53
01-13-2013, 10:46 PM
The whole experience is so "internal" that I don't think I'd be able to pull it off in the Foundry. I don't think I could ever convey Alyosha's unique perception of reality. His emotions are a big part of it...I have a feeling that without feeling what he feels, people would react very differently to him. But who knows...I might write more of Alyosha someday.

Thank you so much for reading!

Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM me for more. :-)

Sig by gulberat. Avatar credit to balsavor.deviantart.com

Last edited by gulberat; 01-13-2013 at 10:49 PM.
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 37
# 54
01-14-2013, 03:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
Here is some (hopefully) constructive feedback on your entry.
  • The best way to get better at writing is to write. You are talking with anonymous people, so what's the harm in posting something and getting feedback?
  • It might be better to identify the main character's species earlier. I read it and assumed she was Gorn.
  • Give hints as to why the Ferasan feels out of place. Maybe the Klingons are suspicious of her and wouldn't let others of her kind join her onboard. Or the other Ferasan died in a previous engagement with the Federation.
  • You might want to consider a stronger conclusion, or a cliff hanger to be resolved in the next literary challenge. Maybe the central computer exploded after the Reman left, or she dropped a grenade, or muttered something about revenge.
Thank you.
I think, for once, I might redo this one. There's no 'one entry per person' rule, after all, and I know I can do better.

Also, dat Devidian story. Hat's off to you for that one.
(Just out of curiosity, how many people use their in-game characters opposed to those who make new ones? Personally, I use the ones I have in STO, which is a fairly long list)
Commander
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 394
# 55
01-14-2013, 03:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
As myself an example, I'm still under personal pressure to work on a follow-up to LC35!
Hehe, I know what you mean. Ever since that first contact LC, I've been looking at ideas for the boy that Jinx was given. Beyond giving him a name, and deciding to keep him on board ship (for now at least), I still have no idea what to do with him, lol.

But, everyone who read it seemed to like the character, so I'll get round to introducing him properly sometime.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,571
# 56
01-14-2013, 06:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrdarksabre View Post
*Terminator shades* I'm back.

I know I havent' done these in a while, mainly because I didn't find them interesting, I felt they were too much of a tie-in to something in-game or IRL, which isn't what I RP for.

I personally RP to create a situation quite unlike anything else happening at that point in time, I prefer these kind of random scenarios. Consider it feedback and take it as you will Branflakes.

Hope you all enjoyed my first part of Haunted, I'm going to go for it and try to find a Star Trek explanation for these happenings without it being "oh look it was a cloaked person all along." Also if you read my entry for the First Contact premise, expect some tie-ins, as well as general creepiness (I was starting to creep myself out, doesn't help being alone in the dark...).

Please give me feedback on how you feel I could improve (or just say how much you like it if you want, its all good). I take RP seriosuly and would love constructive feedback.
I really enjoyed it I can't be more specific with my feedback, as I thought it was a really strong piece
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,571
# 57
01-14-2013, 07:00 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
OK...I'm not sure what weird little brain cell this idea came out of, but I dreamed this captain up (literally, while half asleep) last night, and I had to write him.

http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...1&postcount=15
That was awesome As above, I can't add any more, as it was so strongly written
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,571
# 58
01-14-2013, 07:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bortjinx View Post
Hehe, I know what you mean. Ever since that first contact LC, I've been looking at ideas for the boy that Jinx was given. Beyond giving him a name, and deciding to keep him on board ship (for now at least), I still have no idea what to do with him, lol.

But, everyone who read it seemed to like the character, so I'll get round to introducing him properly sometime.
Looking forward to it I think more than anything, I like the potential within the character, and think he could be well developed Equally, I'd originally planned for Commander Lambert to be my 'bad-ass character', but so far, (with the exception of one fist fight) he's pretty much been relegated to making 'observations and comments'
Commander
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 394
# 59
01-14-2013, 08:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
Looking forward to it I think more than anything, I like the potential within the character, and think he could be well developed Equally, I'd originally planned for Commander Lambert to be my 'bad-ass character', but so far, (with the exception of one fist fight) he's pretty much been relegated to making 'observations and comments'
The annoying thing is I'm writing all these LCs from the perspective of my character as she is now, as opposed to my long term story I'm writing, which is currently in the 'Cadet at SFA' stage, so there is a very long time to cover before the boy could be introduced in my main story.

Perhaps, I'll just keep updating his character in snippets in the LCs, lol.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,571
# 60
01-14-2013, 09:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bortjinx View Post
The annoying thing is I'm writing all these LCs from the perspective of my character as she is now, as opposed to my long term story I'm writing, which is currently in the 'Cadet at SFA' stage, so there is a very long time to cover before the boy could be introduced in my main story.

Perhaps, I'll just keep updating his character in snippets in the LCs, lol.
I know what you mean, I have loads of ideas which I'd like to write, but which the LCs don't touch upon, but equally, I did have fun referring to the Doctor Who manuscript in this challenge I've got an idea to write the story of Marcus' father's life, which would open up possibilities for some interesting adventures
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