I actually thought the plot line - a collapse and rebirth of the Federation - sounds pretty good. It sounds more intriguing to me than this alternate universe bullcrap that J.J. Abrams came up with. He shouldn't be allowed to rewrite Trek.
While I'm not against the franchise going to dark places, Federation sounds... a bit too dark.
For example, the destruction of Romulus, the tragedy it brings, and the machinations it sets into motion would be perfect for a darker Trek without dimming the optimism the Federation represents. You'll probably have a few rogue elements within the Federation working against its interests in the whole matter, but they wouldn't represent the whole.
Set this hypothetical series on a large, powerful new class of ship, fresh off the production line and sent to aid whatever Romulan faction the Federation has chosen to aid (there would no doubt be many factions resulting from the split; Reunificationists, isolationists who refuse help, government loyalists, Tal Shiar...) as a show of both peace and humanitarian aid, and as a show of force who would use the chaos as an excuse to try something. Throw in potential new antagonists from the opposite side of Romulan space that we may never have heard of, add a dash of Klingon interaction from an Empire eager to take advantage of the weakened state of their old enemy and their reaction to the Federation aiding them... It would play out as equal parts DS9 and TNG, and ideally, add its own flair to Trek.
Find a fitting latin word to serve as both the name of the ship and the series, and preferably also with some relevance to the plot, and we'd have a show that could totally last seven seasons.
I was going to say shades of Andromeda, but I've already been beaten to it
Here're my main issues with what was presented...
Alexander Kirk - Relying on sentiment for James T to get people behind the character... Being raised in that era, he would have no reason to want to restore the Federation to its former glory, as to his perspective, that would be the status quo, and finally, the idea of anyone being promoted more than one rank to captain really pisses me off. It's unrealistic, and IMHO, just puts an unqualified officer in an important position. None of the captains I've written have had this 'career jump' to wind up in the Big Chair, they have all worked their way through the ranks, in one instance, being given a 'supervisory command' of a ships shakedown cruise while a commander, and then being promoted to captain with permanent command after said shakedown cruise. But jumping through the ranks just because of circumstance, that's just asking for mutiny when a passed-over underling feels they could be doing a better job... I like the idea of seeing the Federation in a darker period, but I can't see the point in actually doing so, and think it would likely just have come across as a pastiche of Andromeda, with some Trek elements thrown in to gain an audience, so would likely be resented rather than embraced by fandom...
I don't mind the gaseous alien, but the Kirk descendant, M.A.J.E.L AI and the year "3000" sounds like something out of a Saturday Morning cartoon pitch than a serious contender for a future Trek series.
In the meantime, I've been writing up my own pitch for a new Trek TV series, which would essentially be an adaption of Star Trek Online. I have a rough draft of the pilot episode, some concept (fan)art and am starting to write an actual pitch document. However, methinks I should find a veteran Trek TV producer in order to give my proposal some weight.
Feel free to get in touch with me via PM if you're interested.
So let me get this strait... we have an idealistic intergalactic government torn from corruption on the inside, many of the worlds it's made up of want to separate, civil war looming, a mysterious force invading, and a trade based organization taking over everything.
This is basically Star Trek: The Phantom Menace.
LOLOLOLOL, i didn't even think of it that way. Nice!
so would likely be resented rather than embraced by fandom...
Man, I remember the bile spat at TNG when it first came out. And it wasn't just because the first two seasons were horrible and it took a while for Riker's beard to weave it's magic. It was because it wasn't the same as the previous Treks.
Not that I think this idea would have been the next TNG. It would have depended on the writing and likability of the actors.
But the idea of taking an idealist society that has gone to crap because of political corruption, public apathy, and unfettered corporations and bringing it back into the light... Well, that's some pretty timely stuff right there and I think it could resonate with the general audience.