Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 217
# 91
01-24-2013, 08:35 AM
they peobably doing long patches every other week for hours clock in to let the illusion of them working a minimum of 40 hours a week when they probably only work like 15-20 hours a week and getting paid for 40 hours a week. theres also intnces where i am wrong on long patches every other week but the hours they work might be right thou.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 15
# 92
01-24-2013, 08:35 AM
I'd be happy if it wasn't mocking us with that "Server Status: Up" message on the site, lol
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 122
# 93 working
01-24-2013, 08:43 AM
its working now huh is it ment to be
Captain
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 844
# 94
01-24-2013, 08:44 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by milestfox View Post
Cryptic should hire The Brain. And of course, pinky.
They could ponder about what the players are pondering about, and come up with a plan to TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE.
Their pinky their pinky and the brain brain brain brain brain
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 883
# 95
01-24-2013, 08:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by milestfox View Post
Cryptic should hire The Brain. And of course, pinky.
They could ponder about what the players are pondering about, and come up with a plan to TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE.
This post, it is EPIC!
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 261
# 96
01-24-2013, 08:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by themarie View Post
Honest Patch Notes:


*Buffed Borg LOLpedo to make even more unfair. All Borg torpedoes now do eleven trillion critical damage per shot, have unlimited rage and are utterly unstoppable. 2 second cooldown.

*Broke user-interface, buttons now change position at random when clicked, or drop entirely. We don't know what went wrong, nor do we care about fixing it. Buy a master key.

*Finished rendering all plot-missions unplayable due to AI glitches, background image failures and various other major show-stopping bugs. This portion of the game does not generate revenue therefore we DO NOT give two tribbles out of a Borg's butt about it. (Sadly this one is more true than you realize! )

*Added eleven new grind maps and 16 new reputation systems, each requiring 8 new currencies. Some promised rep items are broken to the point that they are useless, while others haven't even been programmed yet.

*Nerfed all powers that benefit the player in any way. Sci Team actually reduces your shields, Eng Team damages your hull, and Tac Team causes your security team to blow **** up aboard your own ship. Haz Team will cause you to burst into flames. Aux Power abilities will set your power levels to Zero for 15 min.

*Decreased server stability. We removed two banks of RAM and half of the CPU arrays and gave them to the Neverwinter team in trade for use of the K-Cup coffee-maker.

*Added new player ability "Orbital Howitzer." Instantly destroys any target for the low low cost of 500 lobi per shot.

*Added a bunch of Foundry stuff that doesn't work. Or does it? No one really knows because the person who programs the Foundry speaks Dutch and we can't understand him.

*Manipulated the Dilth market so you can no longer spend money to get ahead, you must grind a MINIMUM of 16 hours a day.

*Decreased Refine Cap by 7,500.

*Sold password management database to Russian Mobster to finance VO work for next grind-world map.


We expect this downtime to last for at least 8 hours with a 75% chance of something going wrong and extending the time by 2 hours. Downtime will occur during peak hours for non-American markets because we just don't give a dang about France. Sorry France. Cryptic Studios hopes you enjoy your expanded STO: Grind Harder Experience and that you will buy lots of lockbox keys otherwise we will all be unemployed. Thank you for playing STO: Grind Harder.
Oh.My.Gaaaaawd!

I actually cried from laughter at this. If we could all get accustomed to putting our complaints into a comedic form, this forum would be a lot more fun. Well played, my friend. Well played.
________________________________

A proud member of Sinfully Sexy. Join us.
Republic Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 807
# 97
01-24-2013, 08:55 AM
Silly Patch Notes Round Two:


*Ignored player complaints about refine-cap. Decreased amount of dilth in game to punish them for complaining.

*Disregarded list of long-standing issues involving parts of the game that have nothing to do with revenue generation.

*Introduced 9 more types of plasma weapon, because we simply don't feel like making new weapons. Besides EVERYONE has the latest high end graphics card that can render the geometric increase in particle-effects, amirite? iamrite.

*Ignored customer requests for more playable content. Added 11 new currencies instead.

*Disregarded long-standing STF Uber-Torpedo Glitch. If you don't like blowing up, fly a cruiser with blue phasers so you don't aggro the tactical cube.

*Noticed players were having fun with specific power combo, nerfed power combo to point of non-functionality and blamed decision on "PVP Balance." Hahah damn I'm good at my job.

*Rendered everyone's favorite mission unplayable with seizure inducing background graphic glitches.

*Passed up opportunity to generate KDF content. Spent entire shift begging Neverwinter team for a job.

*Fixed insignificant typo in tool tip for lockbox released three seasons ago.

*Adjusted font kerning.

*Adjusted redness of KDF UI to cause permanent eye-damage. This way we can continue to claim no one plays KDF side.

*Replaced one random DOFF name with an obscenity, because naughty words make us giggle.


Patch is expected to take a long time to install as our server tech is busy flirting with the HR manager for the Neverwinter Department. Expect random glitches all day, tomorrow and possibly until the game closes down. Thank you for playing STO: Grind Harder. Remember, if your complaint is about a part of the game that DOES NOT generate revenue you will NOT get a reply. All connection glitches and CTDs are the fault of the user and are not caused by poor programming on our side.
-------------
ISE ISE Ba-bee. "If you got the Borg yo... I'll solve 'em check out this shot while my torpedos dissolve 'em"

Last edited by themarie; 01-24-2013 at 08:58 AM.
Ensign
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1
# 98
01-24-2013, 08:57 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by milestfox View Post
It's been longer, before that. One of the updates changed the size/shape of the activation area for MANY consoles, it no long reaches the 'floor' in front of the consoles. Short characters have to jump to reach it, and some consoles, even stand on top of, just right.
That makes perfect sense to me. Suits anyone who enrolls with a tiny pink annoying critter! :]
Ensign
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 4
# 99
01-24-2013, 09:03 AM
OMG! The Server Status is "DOWN."


Sure took them long enough.
Republic Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 490
# 100
01-24-2013, 09:09 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcherrin View Post
OMG! The Server Status is "DOWN."


Sure took them long enough.
no, it always showed down. you just didn't empty your cache or click refresh.

(waits)

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