Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,213
# 101
02-18-2013, 09:14 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wraithshadow13 View Post
Cmdrscarlet: It was too short for my tastes, but that's only because it really brings you in and leaves you wanting to know what happened to lead up to it as well as what happened after.
That is extremely fair and thank you!

To be frank, as much as I enjoy writing, I am a little loathe to write an intro and wrap up. The main reason being the message board medium. I like just getting into the body of the event, throw some phrases that may/should catch up the reader, then exit with the intent that the reader can finish the story on their own.

That's not to say my way is better than everyone else's work at all. Everyone's contribution get me through my lunch breaks at work and inspire me to stay creative for Kathryn and the Solaris But for me, I am deliberately leaving out details for the sake of the topic. I have not developed my character(s) enough to be able to put a more cogent piece together, yet Kathryn is being built with these LCs and there is a Grand Story (tm) in my head.

Admittedly, I was tempted to back out of this challenge because time travel is inherently messy and I'm not enough of a philosopher to "get it right" (the loops from The Terminator assault my intelligence and Start Trek already abuses temporal activities enough ... imho). At the same time, something is tickling me to write more before this session closes because its not enough.
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene

Last edited by cmdrscarlet; 02-18-2013 at 11:35 AM. Reason: Clarity of thought
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,758
# 102
02-18-2013, 10:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wraithshadow13 View Post
Gulberat: I liked it and it was really well written, I had to read it twice though trying to think of where it was.
Thanks. I felt that a subtle approach was called for because imposing too much from the fictional world upon something still so recent was a difficult proposition at best.

Another note. Alyosha was raised as a Russian, but at least if one good thing did come out of how Earth turned out in the Trek universe, it is that he reacted to that time and place the same as he would have to any disaster or attack or place of suffering in Russia's history or anywhere in Earth's history. That people would soon suffer...that was enough for it to have that meaning to him. That it was "not my nation" didn't matter, nor did any other "stuff" that has built up in our time, nor did anything that might be in the history books by the 25th century.

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Captain
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 542
# 103
02-18-2013, 04:22 PM
Aaaand, I've just added the last bit of my entry! Just as a warning, though, you're bound to find the odd question mark here and there in unusual places throughout the entry. This is because, for some reason, whenever I copy and paste something from Word or Notepad, the apostraphes and quotation marks all get morphed into question marks. Weird, but go figure.

EDIT: CRAP! I did something while editing it that caused me to lose half the post. I re-posted, but now there's question marks everywhere. Please bear with me, ladies and gents, I'm going to try to edit this again quickly.

EDIT AGAIN: There, fixed it by attaching to a separate post. Note to self: in future, make entries a bit shorter.

Last edited by ambassadormolari; 02-18-2013 at 05:11 PM.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 147
# 104
02-18-2013, 07:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wraithshadow13 View Post
Superhombre777: when i read in the forums what happened i initially didn't like the idea, but it was well done and felt right for the character and the time, so well done.


Jocelyn2: If that's the future i say we take of and nuke the entire site from orbit.
Thanks. It sounds like my rebellious streak is rather obvious...maybe next time Branflakes' topic won't be so out of family with what I have in mind for my crew. (I have two installments worth of interpersonal disasters waiting for a good time to drop them.)

About Jocelyn's entry - I was thinking the same thing! Hopefully we haven't scared her away.

Your entry was highly entertaining. Good job. The color coded names was a good idea.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 147
# 105
02-18-2013, 08:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
To be frank, as much as I enjoy writing, I am a little loathe to write an intro and wrap up. The main reason being the message board medium. I like just getting into the body of the event, throw some phrases that may/should catch up the reader, then exit with the intent that the reader can finish the story on their own.

That's not to say my way is better than everyone else's work at all. Everyone's contribution get me through my lunch breaks at work and inspire me to stay creative for Kathryn and the Solaris But for me, I am deliberately leaving out details for the sake of the topic. I have not developed my character(s) enough to be able to put a more cogent piece together, yet Kathryn is being built with these LCs and there is a Grand Story (tm) in my head.
I don't think yours was too short. We saw Kathryn in action and got hints about some interesting interpersonal relationships onboard. I liked it.
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 216
# 106
02-18-2013, 09:40 PM
Made a few changes to mine again. Smoothed out some dialog, corrected some inconsistencies, and so on. Also just finished writing the story of how Bryan and Ibalei met. If you'd like, you can give it a read here: The Academy Days
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
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Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,758
# 107
02-19-2013, 12:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambassadormolari View Post
Aaaand, I've just added the last bit of my entry!
Very nice--and especially nice that, even with the parallel to the first X-Men movie, it was still very distinct and easily able to stand on its own as a separate idea.

I just wonder something...how well would your captain get along with a Bajoran follower of the Prophets, for example? Would he make a distinction between the fanatics and the reasonable ones? (And we definitely saw on DS9 quite the spectrum of Bajoran believers, from very levelheaded like Bareil to completely wacko.)

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Ensign
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 8
# 108
02-19-2013, 01:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
I definitely want to find out more about Mnemnophage, and also why she was allowed in Starfleet. I don't think my Devidian would've been permitted to serve if not for the fact that he is capable of taking artificially-generated nourishment, all denials by "normal" Devidians to the contrary. (This is not a snipe. You've just piqued my curiosity, is all. )

Oh, and I must ask...is "mus sapiens" a tribute to Splinter?
Mus Sapiens was pulled wholesale out of my head, mostly because I find rodents to be pretty cool. :p

I intend to get into a lot of the nitty-gritty of my crew and my character with future stories - there's a reason she was allowed in Starfleet, and she looks pretty darned gnarly, which I will detail eventually. As I started somewhat in medias res, I couldn't find a point within which to jam a description. I'll find somewhere to put a shower scene in the next one (and given as half of the impetus towards designing the Mnemophage is "create a character who is absolutely incapable of having a physical relationship", writing a non-sexy shower scene will be interesting).

In short, Mnem is an anomaly, and her odd system of memory storage/deletion means she really doesn't know where she came from or what she is. It IS a requirement to survival, and if done to liberally it CAN create other creatures like herself... but again, another story. As of now, all I've decided is that her suit is named Rodney.

Still, I'm quite glad for the feedback. Y'all are doing well out there, and it's a pleasure reading all your stuff.
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,213
# 109
02-19-2013, 09:06 AM
@ superhombre777 - Thank you

BUT, I did go back and add one little detail that makes other details make more sense.

SPOILER ALERT: I'm 10 levels in-game away from replacing the Solaris. I'm tempted to keep the name, but since I am not a fan of Solaris-A, I may create a "ship destroyed" story to get the new ship in action. I dunno ...
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Survivor of Remus
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 359
# 110
02-19-2013, 09:10 AM
I had a similar conundrum. There's actually a rather lengthy long-form story I'm still working on that details a confrontation between Khas' chimeric Bride of Quiet and much larger Terran vessel called Shimmering. There is sadness, adventure, hope, and the death of beloved characters. At least they are beloved to me. I don't, you know, have a fan base or anything. I'm not sure I'd respect their taste in literature if I did.

About half of it is written down over in the STORP.org forums.
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