Former PWE Community Team Lead
Join Date: Jun 2012
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Quote:
Literary Challenge #39 : Lone Drone
This is the comments thread for Literary Challenge #39 : Lone Drone.
We also have an Index of previous challenges HERE.

Feel free to link directly to the entry you are commenting on. And please remember: we're not here to tear each other up. Do not troll your fellow Captains, give feedback! Let the others know what you liked and disliked. Maybe they can even go back then and tweak their entries!

Let's get those creative juices flowing!
Brandon "BranFlakes" Felczer | Former Community Team Lead for Perfect World Entertainment
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,665
# 2
02-19-2013, 07:00 PM
Heck.

Yes!

*rubs hands together*

I'm going to LOVE reading the entries for this one
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

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Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 216
# 3
02-19-2013, 07:15 PM
This one will certainly be interesting to write. Can't wait to read the ones that other people post.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,277
# 4
02-19-2013, 08:19 PM
I might give this one a try. It sounds like fun.
"It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross. But it's not for the timid."
-- Q
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 542
# 5
02-19-2013, 10:14 PM
Currently taking a brief break from STO to play Champions Online, so I probably won't participate, but I'll definitely keep an eye on this thing to see what everyone comes up with.
Originally KiraYamato before the Account Linking - True Join Date August 2008

"In the game of war, there are no clear rules you can follow." - Andrew Waltfeld
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,211
# 6
02-19-2013, 11:25 PM
Certainly considering it. We'll see how quickly the idea comes together.
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Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,465
# 7
02-20-2013, 01:14 AM
Oh man, I said I didn't want a Borg on my crew, I guess I jinxed it by leaving it in the hands of the LCs
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,665
# 8
02-20-2013, 07:30 AM
Oh ... some Borg will *never* become crew ... if you know what I mean ...
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene

Last edited by cmdrscarlet; 02-20-2013 at 07:31 AM. Reason: Removed emoticon
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,465
# 9
02-20-2013, 08:45 AM
Nothing major from me this time, I wanted to keep this one short and punchy...

For ease of reference/visualization, here're the actors I would cast if I was filming this tomorrow...

T'Natra - Gal Gadot
Amanda Palmer - Courtney Cox
Brandon Mayer - Jason Lewis
Bellic Chanos - Vin Diesel
Rynar Lambert - Stephen Moyer
Ben Kincaid - Colin Farrell
Eleven of Twelve - Susanna Thompson

Last edited by marcusdkane; 02-21-2013 at 04:49 AM.
Survivor of Remus
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 340
# 10
02-20-2013, 08:50 AM
A short, sad entry by MarcusDKane. My only suggestion is to rework the following sentence. It's a bit clunky.

"As the doors closed, a silence fell on the bridge which could have been cut with a knife before Mayer discreetly cleared his throat."

It would read better if it were broken apart and rearranged slightly. Something like this:

"The doors closed and a silence thick enough to cut with a knife descended on the bridge. It hung there for a moment, broken only when Mayer discreetly cleared his throat."

Use your own words, of course, and mold it to your own pleasant style.

EDIT: Woah, it occurs to me this could be interpreted as being insulting! No way! I meant the story was short and that what happened in it was sad. Not that mdk's writing itself was sad. I liked it.

Last edited by squatsauce; 02-20-2013 at 09:06 AM.
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