Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,236
# 71
02-22-2013, 01:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
I don't particularly enjoy writing in the first person, which is why I chose to do it in my entry. I need the practice!

I feel like this is one of my weaker submissions. But, I was able to sneak in a preview for one of the upcoming changes to Odyssey's command crew. Feel free to offer suggestions or critiques.

The shuttle Asher is named after British author Neal Asher. I got the idea for the brig from the ships in his Agent Cormac series. Those ships are certainly more advanced than the "current" 25th century Star Trek ones.
I thought it was awesome It was a fantastic display of someone who had been thoroughly compromised to the point of dangerous incompetence, and indeed, an excellent way to introduce changes to the command crew. I'm juggling my options for how I might resolve the vacancy on the Valkyrie, so I know the challenge it can be
Commander
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 488
# 72
02-22-2013, 06:26 PM
@marcusdkane: I'm actually a little surprised that you killed off one of your bridge characters (and in such a tragic way, at that). Otherwise, I really liked your story-- it was really well written, and everything from the twist of the drone being a copy of the Queen, to the details on Eleven of Twelve's transfer to a new body, really kept it going. I noticed, though, your story references a ship called the Renovatio. Where's that from?

@icegavel: I also liked your story quite a bit, although the idea of a mind resisting assimilation for such a long period beggars belief (although I'm certain that was the point). I'm certain you get this question a lot, but how did Rygo come to have a Breen and a Jem'Hadar serving on his ship?

@cmdrscarlet: Another really well-written story. It gave me the strong impression that Beringer is not a by-the-book officer at all.

@jonsills: Your story interpretation of the Romulan language/belief system intrigued me, though given that I haven't done any of the Romulan storyline missions yet, there's probably quite a bit that went over my head. Also, speaking as a diagnosed Aspie, props on your ship's name.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,236
# 73
02-22-2013, 07:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambassadormolari View Post
@marcusdkane: I'm actually a little surprised that you killed off one of your bridge characters (and in such a tragic way, at that). Otherwise, I really liked your story-- it was really well written, and everything from the twist of the drone being a copy of the Queen, to the details on Eleven of Twelve's transfer to a new body, really kept it going. I noticed, though, your story references a ship called the Renovatio. Where's that from?
Thanks for the feedback, it's very much appreciated As mentioned to GulBerat, I write to the Babylon 5 policy that no one is guaranteed to make it to the end credits, and equally, I found Lambert quite disappointing as a character: I had had high hopes for him to be interesting, but he somehow disappeared into the background, and was overwhelmed by supposedly junior officers, so I felt it was time for him to be replaced The Renovatio features in this previous LC, and this kind of picks up on a somewhat unanswered plot point in that LC. The name itself, is from a ship featured in the Ewan McGregor/Scarlett Johansson movie, The Island,
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 216
# 74
02-22-2013, 07:40 PM
So, mine's ending up longer than I anticipated it to be. As in, MUCH longer. Pretty sure I'll get it finished soon, but if you're going to read it, I suggest you get some coffee...And a tent...And enough field rations to last for several days in the wilderness of New Romulus. (I jest, of course)

In all seriousness though, this is rapidly turning into my most involved entry yet. Can't wait until I have it finished, but it's going to be a fair amount longer than my last one. And that one was about 11 pages long.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,524
# 75
02-22-2013, 08:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambassadormolari View Post
@jonsills: Your story interpretation of the Romulan language/belief system intrigued me, though given that I haven't done any of the Romulan storyline missions yet, there's probably quite a bit that went over my head. Also, speaking as a diagnosed Aspie, props on your ship's name.
As someone noted before, I did swipe quite a bit from Diane Duane's Rihannsu novels; judging by some of the place-names and bits of Romulan language used in-game, they're pretty much canon for our uses, it would seem. Thankfully, I was able to find some resources on-line for Rihannsu; I couldn't even remember how to spell "mnhei'sahe", the Ruling Passion, properly, much less "erei'Riov", which translates approximately as "Sub-Commander".

And while I'm not officially diagnosed, I am told my photo could have been used to illustrate the DSM-IV entry on Asperger's Syndrome, so I thought honoring Hans in my ship's name was appropriate. (I also picked up a Mirror Universe science vessel from the Exchange, which I christened the USS Leo Kanner.)
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,063
# 76
02-23-2013, 06:23 AM
I managed to get my entry in earlier this time. Initially i was going to use this as an opportunity to delve into the back story of my My Chief engineer which would have been funny since Gamma Orionis was originally Bellatrix, which means Amazon which is where i got her, but it was slow and boring so instead i used it as a chance to do an origin story for my KDF engineer. As always feel free to question or comment, and i look forward to reading the other entries after i wake up.


Note: This time all of the quotation marks were replaced by question marks, even though i wrote this elsewhere and copied it over.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,524
# 77
02-23-2013, 07:51 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wraithshadow13 View Post
Note: This time all of the quotation marks were replaced by question marks, even though i wrote this elsewhere and copied it over.
Yeah, that's what happens when you copy from a word processor and paste. For some reason, the text editor in these forums can't parse quotation marks or single hyphens (although, oddly, double hyphens work, coming through as single hyphens).

And then you can't see it until you actually post it here, so you can't just preview and fix it. Meant a fair bit of editing when I finished my tale...
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 216
# 78
02-23-2013, 08:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wraithshadow13 View Post
Note: This time all of the quotation marks were replaced by question marks, even though i wrote this elsewhere and copied it over.
One thing I'd recommend doing is actually typing it in the "reply to thread" screen and copying it over to a word processor for transport and for editing when on the go. I do this pretty regularly, and I haven't had problems (yet) with it changing my quotes to question marks. One reason it might be doing this is the forum's font doesn't recognize quotes and instead substitutes them with something it can recognize.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,236
# 79
02-23-2013, 09:01 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wraithshadow13 View Post
I managed to get my entry in earlier this time. Initially i was going to use this as an opportunity to delve into the back story of my My Chief engineer which would have been funny since Gamma Orionis was originally Bellatrix, which means Amazon which is where i got her, but it was slow and boring so instead i used it as a chance to do an origin story for my KDF engineer. As always feel free to question or comment, and i look forward to reading the other entries after i wake up.


Note: This time all of the quotation marks were replaced by question marks, even though i wrote this elsewhere and copied it over.
Fantastic entry, I really liked it Some excellent action, and really nicely handled
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,085
# 80
02-23-2013, 09:53 AM
ironphoenix--The problem with copy/paste from Word is that the forum doesn't recognize "SmartQuotes" or other similar characters like ellipses and m-dashes that Word puts in.

Wraith--Definitely liking how you are now blending the narrative and dialogue. Read aloud, it really creates a nice flow for your stories. What you may want to look at next is the punctuation you use when you incorporate it into the narrative. That will tie a nice bow around the package.

http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08...n-in-dialogue/
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