Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,209
# 211
03-23-2013, 02:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wraithshadow13 View Post
Definitely not one of my better stories and i wasn't going to post it originally but i don't know when we'd get the chance to revisit the older challenges. I decided to take it back to the style of Captain Donovan Recording a Captain's log because that's really the better way for this to fit at the moment so i apologize if it's a bit cringe worthy technical aspect.


As a side note i have Incursion Scenario Wraith Alpha One written out already as part of his Origin story, but i suppose that's a post for another time.
I really liked it Can't wait to see what future LCs hold for the crew
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,209
# 212
03-23-2013, 02:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by khayuung View Post
Part one is finally done! I went back and overhauled it, hopefully this time its more bearable.

The contents are still pretty wonky though, and like Minase's skepticism, not very scientific in a sci-fi story. But I hope you'd bear with me for a while more as I bang parts 2 and 3 out over the course of the two weeks.

Meanwhile, read and review guys! ^^;
Sharp
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,209
# 213
03-23-2013, 02:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
marcusdkane - I liked your entry. I'm sure there will be no problems integrating the former Borg Queen into your crew...
Thank you I have to admit, Eleven may be remaining on Earth for a while to be debriefed... I wouldn't want the chief engineer to be made redundant

Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
I am envisioning Carter as stubborn and judgmental, but with a sense of duty to help people. He may be giving Hillel a chance at redemption since it's the "right" thing to do, even though he personally disagrees. Does that make him a hypocrite? Or an ideal leader?
Maybe an idealist, but certainly not a hypocrite... As Marcus said to Amanda, we all make mistakes, the lesson is to learn from them... It just seems that Hillel has not learned from his mistake... :-\
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,070
# 214
03-23-2013, 03:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
When are you posting something new? No rush, but consider this peer pressure.
Soon, baby.

I'm on the road right now (for work and pleasure) but I've been working on my next entry in my spare time. It should be ready to post tonight or tomorrow morning.


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,097
# 215
03-23-2013, 03:53 PM
@ shevet - Another eloquent posting. Very well done

@ wraithshadow13 - that was fun to read. It's a style I've been tinkering with but keep rejecting in favor of what I have posted. Still, it's something I'm going to give a try soon!

@ superhombre777 - Now that is an interesting way to change the name of a ship! I really liked the overall piece :0 I have yet to play the Facility 4028 mission but I'm really looking forward to it now!

Gotta catch up on khayuung's ...
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene

Last edited by cmdrscarlet; 03-23-2013 at 06:11 PM. Reason: Added review.
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,070
# 216
03-23-2013, 07:59 PM
@wraithshadow13 -

That was a very enjoyable piece! A few typos here and there and a handful of awkwardly structured sentences but nothing glaring. I applaud you for working in a style of writing that you are uncomfortable with.

I really liked the "Fair Haven" reference you put in there.

I am very much looking forward to reading of Wraith's origins!


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,061
# 217
03-23-2013, 11:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
@wraithshadow13 -

That was a very enjoyable piece! A few typos here and there and a handful of awkwardly structured sentences but nothing glaring. I applaud you for working in a style of writing that you are uncomfortable with.

I really liked the "Fair Haven" reference you put in there.

I am very much looking forward to reading of Wraith's origins!
It's not a style i'm uncomfortable with, in fact it's the opposite, but when i write like this i tend to do poorly with the technical stuff. As for the story it's self, i'm glad every one liked it, and i really wish i could have done a little better on it. Had Branflakes posted the new challenge from PAX, i probably would have left this unfinished in the folder. It's a little harder getting the feel of some one else's personality when doing these in log form, so i had to make due with a few references from the show.

As for the origin, i would love to do that some time but the Holodeck program is already written out as an introduction for the character.
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,070
# 218
03-24-2013, 01:23 AM
My second submission is up, as promised.

I wrote this one for my KDF character, General Ssharki. (Picture him as 2.6m of Gorn - or eight-and-a-half feet - voiced by Philip Seymour Hoffman. From MI:3 or Charlie Wilson's War, not Capote.)

I started this one based of #28: Stranded as Ssharki recording what he believed would be his final log entry following a shuttle crash. As I expanded the story to include the moments leading up to the crash I worked in elements from #33: New Romulus as well. Then I kept writing, started introducing some of Ssharki's senior officers (#26!) and the story expanded itself way beyond what I had anticipated. I'll keep it under the "Stranded" umbrella, but man is it easy to go off on a tangent while writing these stories!

Anyway, please enjoy "FROZEN" and the musical stylings of Shiny Toy Guns.

[Edit] This story contains some strong language, but it's all in Klingon.


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics

Last edited by sander233; 03-24-2013 at 01:26 AM.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,209
# 219
03-24-2013, 07:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
My second submission is up, as promised.

I wrote this one for my KDF character, General Ssharki. (Picture him as 2.6m of Gorn - or eight-and-a-half feet - voiced by Philip Seymour Hoffman. From MI:3 or Charlie Wilson's War, not Capote.)

I started this one based of #28: Stranded as Ssharki recording what he believed would be his final log entry following a shuttle crash. As I expanded the story to include the moments leading up to the crash I worked in elements from #33: New Romulus as well. Then I kept writing, started introducing some of Ssharki's senior officers (#26!) and the story expanded itself way beyond what I had anticipated. I'll keep it under the "Stranded" umbrella, but man is it easy to go off on a tangent while writing these stories!

Anyway, please enjoy "FROZEN" and the musical stylings of Shiny Toy Guns.

[Edit] This story contains some strong language, but it's all in Klingon.
That was an awesome entry, thanks for sharing, I rather liked Ssharki, he was a surprisingly spiritual brother Calvin is certainly an interesting name for a Gorn, I hope the explanation behind it will be revealed in the future Same for Sweetums... I have to admit, that did jar a bit, but I'm sure there's a fitting reason behind it Very nice work
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,456
# 220
03-24-2013, 10:35 AM
Excellent tale, Sander, although the naming conventions the Gorn were using seemed a bit - odd.

I also enjoyed some throwaway details, like the reference to Heinlein's story "All You Zombies--". One point though, regarding Calvin's late lamented epohh - Bill Watterson spells his last name with two Ts. (I suppose naming the epohh "Hobbes" would have been too obvious. )
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"You're as crazy as the people on Twitter!" - Samuel L. Jackson
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