Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,236
# 71
03-09-2013, 02:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
My entry contains two short stories, both loosely tied to LC 26, Senior Officers. Instead of writing biographies, I wrote scenarios to reveal an officer's character.

Part 1 is a re-write of my original LC 26 entry. For LC 39 I noted that the counselor spent some time working with injured Jem'Hadar. I wanted to expand on that concept and deal with the issue of wounded soldiers. The counselor's name also changed from sh'Raul to ch'Raul because I learned that "ch" and "th" are the roughly male prefixes for Andorians. I didn't want to talk about how my male Andorian officer had a female name. (Andorian parents don't name their male sons the equivalent of Leslie. Sorry.)

Part 2, Dating Advice, deals with chief engineer Jarvis and his overwhelming desire to fix everything, including people.
Fantastic entry, it ran the range from funny to touching, and was a fantastic read At one point, I did wonder where ch'Raul would have begun with Marcus... A grief-fueled Oedipus complex, a relationship with his sister better suited to a hill-billy, abandonment issues, and an almost pathological fear of rejection... Would definitely make for some challenging sessions
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,164
# 72
03-09-2013, 03:06 PM
I had a difficult time deciding what to write about for my first literary challenge entry, with so many options to choose from. Then I read ironphoenix's entry on - appropriately enough - Saying Hello. So Here's my take on #21: Saying Hello; hopefully I've done an adequate job introducing you to Jesu LaRoca, his ship and his senior staff all at the same time. Please enjoy!

On a personal note, while I am an author, I'm used to writing novels, not short stories. And I know there are very many very gifted writers here. So please give me your comments and criticisms! Any input will be much appreciated.


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics

Last edited by sander233; 03-09-2013 at 04:11 PM.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,524
# 73
03-09-2013, 03:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
jonsills- that was very entertaining. Good job. It makes sense that not everybody gets a fancy new vessel. I wonder if captains get stuck with sub-par officers also in the haste to launch ships...probably. Maybe I'll add one to my crew.
Thanks. I was inspired in part by the fact that in the tutorial, you start off in a Miranda-class light cruiser - which vessel was considered obsolete when the Bozeman appeared in one TNG episode. Here it is, decades later, and Sirius Sector is positively choked with the silly things, and some with severe design differences from the original (the Hypatia was in fact based on the vessel Grunt started off with). Why so many old ships? Well...

The medium cruisers are also an old Starfleet design, so again, I figured they're ships that are kept flying so the brand-spanking-new top-line ships can be employed in places like the DS9 theatre and Gamma Orionis. Grunt's probably going to go through a whole series of rustbuckets; one hopes his future ship changes won't all be heralded by the destruction of his last ship, although that could be a fun running gag...
-------------------------------------------

When I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need. Not all this "who are you and how did you get into my house" nonsense.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,236
# 74
03-09-2013, 03:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
I had a difficult time deciding what to write about for my first literary challenge entry, with so many options to choose from. Then I read ironphoenix's entry on ? appropriately enough ? Saying Hello. So Here's my take on #21: Saying Hello; hopefully I've done an adequate job introducing you to Jesu LaRoca, his ship and his senior staff all at the same time. Please enjoy!
I most certainly did! Absolutely amazing entry, the characters were strong, and even the ones who were not deeply described, were nicely named, no Crewmen Smith and Jones on the Tiburon, that's for sure I loved the descriptions as well, I could easily imagine Jesu's experience of being nearly-spaced, only to be saved by the forcefield, excellent stuff indeed

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
On a personal note, while I am an author, I'm used to writing novels, not short stories. And I know there are very many very gifted writers here. So please give me your comments and criticisms! Any input will be much appreciated.
I had not realized you were an author, but that only makes your previous compliment all the more rewarding, thankyou indeed Might I trouble you for some feedback on this companion entry?

PS As soon as I hit Reply, I am Googling that painting ^_^
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,164
# 75
03-09-2013, 04:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
I most certainly did! Absolutely amazing entry, the characters were strong, and even the ones who were not deeply described, were nicely named, no Crewmen Smith and Jones on the Tiburon, that's for sure
To some extent I can thank the DOff roster for that.

Quote:
I loved the descriptions as well, I could easily imagine Jesu's experience of being nearly-spaced, only to be saved by the forcefield, excellent stuff indeed
I sorta hinted that he's never quite recovered from the trauma of that experience. It's going to have a lot of influence as I develop his character.


Quote:
I had not realized you were an author, but that only makes your previous compliment all the more rewarding, thankyou indeed Might I trouble you for some feedback on this companion entry?
Ah, Vulcan humor is so... sublime.

I really enjoyed that little exploration into an awkward moment in Marcus' life. How old is he in this instance? And I assume the female in question is K'm'rn?

Reading T'Jenn reminds me a lot of Perrin (Ambassador Sarek's second wife) and also of the older (alternate) T'Pol from the ENT episode "E2." Clearly not your stereotypical Vulcan - almost refreshingly human in fact.

And I love the way Marcus interacts with her - comfortable, yet apprehensive; fitting for a not-quite mother-son relationship.

Quote:
PS As soon as I hit Reply, I am Googling that painting ^_^
Here's a link. Its one of my favorite paintings.


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,164
# 76
03-09-2013, 05:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
My entry contains two short stories, both loosely tied to LC 26, Senior Officers. Instead of writing biographies, I wrote scenarios to reveal an officer's character.

Part 1 is a re-write of my original LC 26 entry. For LC 39 I noted that the counselor spent some time working with injured Jem'Hadar. I wanted to expand on that concept and deal with the issue of wounded soldiers. The counselor's name also changed from sh'Raul to ch'Raul because I learned that "ch" and "th" are the roughly male prefixes for Andorians. I didn't want to talk about how my male Andorian officer had a female name. (Andorian parents don't name their male sons the equivalent of Leslie. Sorry.)
Aww... poor guy. You can't help but feel sorry for ch'Raul, but at the same time you do a great job of explaining why Captain Carter and the rest of the crew feel as they do towards him. I think the counselor is going to need some counseling before too long!

As for the wounded warriors issue, I work with some of those guys and know many others. My best friend is a USAF parajumper (a combat medic who jumps out of helicopters in search-and-rescue missions) and he gets very depressed over how many guys he saves who later kill themselves. It's a gravely serious issue and I applaud you for bringing into the Trek universe.

Quote:
Part 2, Dating Advice, deals with chief engineer Jarvis and his overwhelming desire to fix everything, including people.
Jarvis sounds a lot like Geordi crossed with an early iteration of Data. I know the engineer's mentality that "every problem has a solution" has gotten me in trouble with women before! I hope you keep an eye on these two. I'd love to see where this goes.


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,236
# 77
03-09-2013, 05:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
To some extent I can thank the DOff roster for that.
Ahh... ^_^

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
I sorta hinted that he's never quite recovered from the trauma of that experience. It's going to have a lot of influence as I develop his character.
I definitely got that impression, and I'm sure it will be an interesting subject to touch back on as he develops As I'm sure you realized, Marcus was deeply traumatized by the death of his mother and missed her terribly (I suspect she drowned saving his life). He had to undergo extensive counselling, but as this was done by a Vulcan Master (like Tuvok's experiences in Gravity) the result was a Human who then thought and acted like a Vulcan (or as close as possible, given the differences is brain structure) a bit like a Window's PC being deliberately reformatted to run Linux...

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
Ah, Vulcan humor is so... sublime.
It is indeed, and a pleasurable challenge to write ^_^

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
I really enjoyed that little exploration into an awkward moment in Marcus' life. How old is he in this instance?
He would have been 17, so not quite a year before he attended Starfleet Academy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
And I assume the female in question is K'm'rn?.

No, much more controversial... I would say that Marcus' marriage to K'm'rn was probably the healthiest relationship of his life. The Haunting of Deck 13 reveals the identity of the female (as well as covering the reason for Marcus' presence on Vulcan) but prepare to be shocked...

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
Reading T'Jenn reminds me a lot of Perrin (Ambassador Sarek's second wife) and also of the older (alternate) T'Pol from the ENT episode "E2." Clearly not your stereotypical Vulcan - almost refreshingly human in fact.
Thank you I wanted to portray T'Jenn as something of a Vulcan cougar, and with a sense of mischievous humor which was barely below the surface. It was that comment which T'Les made to T'Pol which made me decide to include the line that T'Jenn was descended from her (not my original plan) and thus explain her less than typical Vulcan behavior ^_^

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
And I love the way Marcus interacts with her - comfortable, yet apprehensive; fitting for a not-quite mother-son relationship.
I was trying to aim it somewhere between a teasing big sister/surrogate mother/cougar. For example, when she brushed Marcus' hair away from his ear, while a legitimate reminder of his Humanity, such a simple gesture is considerably outside the bounds of normal Vulcan contact, and I wanted a reader's initial idea to be that he was trying to muster the nerve to proposition her, before twisting it away to someone else... Was that successful?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
Here's a link. Its one of my favorite paintings.
Wow, that is a fantastic painting, thankyou for the link ^_^ My favorite painting is Edward Hopper's NightHawks ^_^
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,164
# 78
03-09-2013, 05:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
No, much more controversial... I would say that Marcus' marriage to K'm'rn was probably the healthiest relationship of his life. The Haunting of Deck 13 reveals the identity of the female (as well as covering the reason for Marcus' presence on Vulcan) but prepare to be shocked...
Oh my... Yeah, that explains a lot.

Quote:
I was trying to aim it somewhere between a teasing big sister/surrogate mother/cougar. For example, when she brushed Marcus' hair away from his ear, while a legitimate reminder of his Humanity, such a simple gesture is considerably outside the bounds of normal Vulcan contact, and I wanted a reader's initial idea to be that he was trying to muster the nerve to proposition her, before twisting it away to someone else... Was that successful?
Yeah, I definitely got that impression. If I'd realized how young Marcus was it would have been even more compelling, but great twist there, regardless.


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,236
# 79
03-10-2013, 04:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
Oh my... Yeah, that explains a lot.
Yeah, Marcus had more issues than a news-stand... I think it's safe to say that the counselor in SuperHombre's entry would have a field day with him

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
Yeah, I definitely got that impression. If I'd realized how young Marcus was it would have been even more compelling, but great twist there, regardless.
Fantastic, I'm glad to know I was successful in the mis-direction Thank you again for the feedback, I can't say how much it is appreciated
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,191
# 80
03-10-2013, 12:23 PM
@ knightraider6 - That was really fun to read and definitely what I think Q (both of them) would be like. So, did you transfer from ity of Heroes too? Or do you play CO as well? I ask because of the reference to Millennium City. Also, did you reference Queen Esmerelda?

Thank you for enjoying my part

@ ironphoenix113 - I loved the interplay between what Bryan used to see and what he was seeing by closing and opening his eyes. Admittedly, I was a little surprised *not* to see Athena's AI involved in the launch.

I'm still catching up and there is now A LOT to read
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
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