Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,679
# 1 Franklin Drake Must Die
08-18-2012, 03:06 PM
After a lengthy hiatus because I got tired of chasing workarounds for Foundry bugs when I knew a big overhaul was coming, I am happy to announce that Franklin Drake Must Die has been re-published!

Project number: ST-HJPILABJJ
Allegiance: Federation
Level: Any
Ingredients: Klingons, Section 31, Time Travel, light combat.

Description:

Admiral Johnson needs your help to stop a rogue Section 31 agent from altering the timeline for unknown ends. Can you stop him in time, or is the entire Alpha Quadrant in danger? To save eternity, Franklin Drake Must Die.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,679
# 2
02-11-2013, 08:24 PM
Heavy updates this time.

I have removed all the "Mary Sue" elements, and moved Admiral Johnson to a new office in Earth Spacedock, getting rid of the increasingly anachronistic Starbase 39 map. I think the mission flows a lot better now, and it appears to still meet the requirements for the daily, so yay. Give it a try, and let me know how you feel.

And to the guy whose review was "meh"; I hope "meh" translates as "remove the Mary Sue crap and get rid of Starbase 39", because otherwise, that was singularly unhelpful.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 830
Quote:
Originally Posted by syberghost View Post
Mission Name: Franklin Drake Must Die
Author: @syberghost

Federation, any level.

Estimated length: 20-45 minutes, depending on your choices.

Most of the combat is completely optional; the non-optional combat is brief, the optional combat will greatly extend the length.

Note: there is currently an issue with finding the mission door, thanks to a Cryptic issue on Earth Spacedock. I will refactor to improve this entrance at some point, but for now, take any turbolift to the lower level and the door will appear. Feel free to savage me for that issue, but know that I'm already aware of it.
Federation Mission - Franklin Drake Must Die
Author: syberghost
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJPILABJJ

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission with well designed maps and tough but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written and I noted no spelling or grammatical errors. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: These are good grant and follow on dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: Consider putting the start location for the first custom map in the initial mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Admiral Johnson's Office: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. My ship is named "Essex" but based on your usage of the "Kearsarge" later in the mission I will assume you did not use [ShipName] in the dialogue. If you did you might want to change it. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Korvat 2409: This is a nice map design with some fun optional and required combat. The story dialogue is short but well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding initial dialogue that explains the arrival in the system and alerts the player to the presence of enemy mobs.

Korvat 2266: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Korvat Ground: This is a good map design with several optional battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing the backdoor transporter to an actual backdoor. Place a hatch that we have to break the entry code. A transporter seems like something that could be tracked. Then on the next map you can place another hatch behind where the player spawns.

Korvat Caves: This is a good map design with several tough, but fun battles. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The console to deactivate the force field is not "back the way we came". It is east of the force field.
- If "Captain Johnson" is supposed to be in the cell he is not.

Korvat 2266#2: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-If the communication is "audio only" consider replacing Commander Corspa with the Kearsarge.

Korvat 2409#2: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 03/02/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 952
# 4
03-17-2013, 06:32 PM
I played this the other night. My only suggestion would be to move the mission objectives on the "Korvat 2266#2" map a little closer together; there was a bit too much flying around and doing nothing much of anything else on that map for me.

Other than that, great mission.
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