Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 350
Please try my new foundry mission:

"Desperate Prey"
Level: 16+
Estimated run time: 30-45 mins
Faction: Federation

Description:

Disaster strikes your ship while on a supply mission to New Romulus. Stranded, you must rely on your wits and your crew to save your ship. Unfortunately, your crippled vessel may not be your only problem...

*Designed to not take all day, be action packed, and fun. Hope you enjoy, please give me some good feedback so I can improve my writing!
Thanks.


If you like Foundry missions, try mine here!
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,698
# 2
03-03-2013, 09:35 PM
I know you've requested a few in-depth reviews from folks, and while you didn't ask for one from me personally, I really enjoyed this mission and I wanted to do a nice review for you.

Overall:

I think this mission is an excellent first effort. A callback to one of my favorite TNG episodes. Good use of stock maps.

Spelling and grammar were really very good across the whole mission. No glaring typos. Obviously a Trek fan. You've got the lingo down pat. My only suggestion in the dialogue is it did feel a bit stiff in places. Try to inject some more emotional moments. This is a tense situation, and even though they are trained Starfleet officers, they would still be prone to outbursts and fear.

Bridge map:

Personally I don't mind the use of the bridge, since knowing the Foundry as I do, I know that you cannot send me to my "actual" bridge. We actually had a bit of a discussion on this issue on the last Foundry Roundtable (see my sig) And really the way you used it was very authentic. How often in this game do we really get to command from the bridge. Excellent. Really liked the medical part, especially since I was playing a science healer at the time! I think I may specifically talk about this part on the next podcast

Damaged ship interior 1:

I liked investigating the situation. For anyone else playing I won't spoil things, but I'll just say I liked the enemy that you picked, it's one that I liked from the shows and honestly haven't come across much in Foundry missions.

Damaged interior 2:

Same as above, good use of a stock map. My only suggestion would be to break up the combat mobs a bit, both friendly and enemy. What I mean by that is the starfleet guys guarding the triage station were all just kinda standing there. Space them out a bit so they feel more natural and assign them animations. You can assign animations to combat mobs as a group (can't do it individually, so it has to look good if they're all doing it).

Engineering:

Was a little jarring to go from the 2409-style interiors to the Defiant interior. This would take some work, obviously, but you could choose one or the other, there is a 2409-style engineering attached to a damaged map which would fit in nicely OR you could substitute the Defiant interior for the other maps and just put in debris and fires yourself. I think it would benefit from consistency one way or the other, but that's just a suggestion.

Bridge:

I would reposition the enemies so they're not right on top of the player as they spawn. There's room to put them across the bridge, or you could have the player beam into the ready room.

Space:

No real complaints, enjoyed how the allies showed up, very much in keeping with current STO events. You might play around with the backdrop feature, makes space maps much more interesting.

Conclusion:

Again, quite enjoyed it. There's room here to expand the plot, especially given the new weapon used against the ship. Would like to see more added on investigating that aspect, with help from those allies, perhaps. Or if you want to keep the length down, that could be a sequel.

You can tell from a mission when someone understands the basic mechanics of the Foundry, which I think you do, so my suggestion would be to start experimenting more with adding objects and making custom npc costumes, really personalizing the maps, making them your own, unique twist on what Cryptic has given us. I'd also like to see some depth given to the officers you meet throughout the mission. Give them names and personalities and motivations and backstories, things like that. Maybe you could put in a sequence at the beginning before your ship gets in trouble where you meet a few of them.

Anyway, keep making missions djf021, I'd play more from you!
The Foundry Roundtable live Wednesdays at 7:30PM EST/4:30PM PST on twitch.tv/thefoundryroundtable
"I would rather take a chance on getting a change made to the game through positive engagement than know for sure that I got a change made by complaining" -drogyn1701, May 14, 2014.
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 350
# 3 Thank You!
03-04-2013, 08:57 AM
Thank you very much for playing and giving me this great review. That's exactly what I need. I have a couple questions for you:

How long did it take? What is too long for a single "episode"? (With the current dilithium reward trends, I want people to enjoy the mission, but don't want them to think they're taking too long)

Do you know what map has the 2409 design but shows a warp core for the Engineering scene? I couldn't seem to find one (although admittedly I didn't preview every single one.)
I agree I didn't really like the Defiant either, but really have to have a Fed warp core for that part.

Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate it.


If you like Foundry missions, try mine here!
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,698
# 4
03-04-2013, 11:52 AM
I think it took me around an hour, but I wasn't hurrying and I was reading every line. To be honest I don't worry so much about time invested, but I know not everyone plays like that. I think an hour is pretty good length. I always look at it like I'm making an episode of Star Trek, so it should be 45 minutes to an hour. Granted I don't always achieve that, and people also play at different speeds so there's no real way to be consistent.

Some of the things I suggested to flesh it out, like adding personalities and backstories to those junior officers, could be done so that they are optional, the player could talk to them and read it all or not, their choice.

And the map with engineering on it is called "Great Bloom USS Warwick Interior"
The Foundry Roundtable live Wednesdays at 7:30PM EST/4:30PM PST on twitch.tv/thefoundryroundtable
"I would rather take a chance on getting a change made to the game through positive engagement than know for sure that I got a change made by complaining" -drogyn1701, May 14, 2014.
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 350
# 5 Thanks
03-04-2013, 02:03 PM
Thanks again for your help. I will definitely use the Warwick map. If you feel you can recommend this one to others, I would be thrilled.


If you like Foundry missions, try mine here!
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 350
# 6 Updated!
03-05-2013, 06:11 PM
To anyone who is still checking this, I've made some changes based on some of this and other feedback. please try the mission if you get a chance, and I hope you enjoy!


If you like Foundry missions, try mine here!
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 350
# 7 More updates!
03-15-2013, 09:59 PM
Hello everyone, please try my mission "Desperate Prey". I've done some major updating.
Now includes:

OPTIONAL backstories so you can decide if you want to know more about some characters.
OPTIONAL dialogs.
A few updates to NPC behavior as well as a few map customizations.

This mission now qualifies for standard Foundry Rewards!

As soon as I learn how to accomplish a certain feedback item I've received, it will be updated again and be better.

Most people have really enjoyed this mission, so please give it a try and as alway, please tell me what you think so I can do better. Thanks!


If you like Foundry missions, try mine here!
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 350
# 8 Please try "Desperate Prey"
04-02-2013, 02:53 PM
Hello everyone, I'm trying to get my mission "Desperate Prey" played a lot! Has over 4 star rating so far. Please try it and enjoy!


If you like Foundry missions, try mine here!
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