Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,189
# 121
04-13-2013, 12:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambassadormolari View Post
@sander: Okay, it is official, Captain Grimes is now my favourite among your characters. As usual, an enjoyable read!
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
@ sander233: "Grimes stopped laughing..."
I wish I'd written more for him. Hopefully the opportunity will be there in future LCs, because I really want to explore STS and Grimes a lot more.


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,249
# 122
04-13-2013, 12:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambassadormolari View Post
I will admit, I was a bit worried that the italics might make it a bit difficult to read. If anyone else has a problem with it, then I'd be perfectly happy to edit them out of the post. Otherwise, glad you enjoyed it!
A little, but not enough to detract from the story, which was absolutely awesome
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,249
# 123
04-13-2013, 01:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
I wish I'd written more for him. Hopefully the opportunity will be there in future LCs, because I really want to explore STS and Grimes a lot more.
Was he inspired by the Simpsons character who had a life of woe? I just loved the image of Romulans coming in swinging billyclubs
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 155
# 124
04-13-2013, 01:27 PM
Thanks! Wasn't sure if I'd get expelled for such a bad joke, but glad the story is being enjoyed.
Chewson Pwan - VA
S.S. Doff Lundgren
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,189
# 125
04-13-2013, 01:28 PM
@ambassadormolari - That was a brilliant approach, turning the setup around and showing it from the attacker's POV. Very well executed. And excellent job showing just how quickly defeat can be snatched from the jaws of victory.

The italics were fine, and made sense once I realized it was a flashback. A header at the top to make that clear off the bat would have been helpful, something along the lines of "One Year Ago..."

Also, this:
Quote:
"Aren't there any other ships in range who can carry out the patrol instead?"

"Yes sir. The I.K.S. Norgh'a'Qun, under General Ssharki. The General is the one who relayed the order to us."

Lynathru bit back the urge to curse all generals everywhere.
pleased me greatly.


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 146
# 126
04-13-2013, 01:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by maverickdude05 View Post
First off, sorry for my story being so short, I've read almost every LC but finally decided to jump into the action and post one for myself. I would like some feed back from the veteran posters. (I think mine is on page one of the LC)
That's not bad for a first entry. You have some grammatical things that need to be fixed, but nothing major. For next time, can you try to describe the environment and the officers' intentions some more?

Also, you'll probably get more feedback if you read and review other people's entries. Along that line, I have some more reading to do...
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,189
# 127
04-13-2013, 01:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
Was he inspired by the Simpsons character who had a life of woe? I just loved the image of Romulans coming in swinging billyclubs
To a limited extent, in that he actually has devoted his life to defending the Federation and making it stronger, and he often wonders what the common citizens of the Federation have done to deserve their comfort and security, much like Grimey's incredulous reaction to Homer's life of leisure. But unlike Homer's enemy Grimey, my Captain Grimes actually has a sense of humor.


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,202
# 128
04-13-2013, 03:43 PM
@ sparklysoldier - Yet. Another. Awesome. Piece! Poor Drake and yet, too bad Drake I agree that this was a side of Azera that was refreshing to see.

Not enough time to read it all it seems
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,063
# 129
04-13-2013, 05:05 PM
I'm still debating on whether or not i should do this one, it's been a bit of month for me, so i haven't really been in the writing mood lately.
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,189
# 130
04-13-2013, 11:12 PM
@danqueller - whoa. Tales from the afterlife - I think that's a new one. Very well written as a Captain's final log entry. You could change some of the wording to help the assault on the station flow better, but overall an enjoyable and excellent piece.

@fullofstars - Great story. I love the conversational tone of your piece. It's easy to imagine listening to it from an old space dog sitting at the bar at Quark's.


"Freedom is just a pretty idea unless it's backed by Force."

An Introduction to the Gorn (RP guide) / Ten Forward Fanfics
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