Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,678
# 171
04-17-2013, 03:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
Sengupta's haste was certainly a part of it, though I don't think he was a bad guy. It just didn't occur to him that something like this could possibly exist. Alyosha is definitely going to feel a lot of guilt, though, over making the assumption Sengupta was cleared for the information on the interdictor when he was not, and therefore failing to say something in time.

I'm not sure whether I am just experiencing his guilt, or whether--objectively--that's actually correct.
He really shouldn't, after all, not all captains are cleared to know the same information, and the notion of 'privileged information' Alyosha should understand better than most... I think if I had to identify a flaw in Alyosha, it is that he worries too much about what others may or may not know, and takes more upon himself than he need to... My understanding is that transwarp is something requiring clearance and procedures to engage, not just the individual captain wanting to 'kick it up a notch', so again, that's not something that he should feel guilty about on Captain Sengupta's behalf...
Captain
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 540
# 172
04-17-2013, 09:54 AM
Alright, having read some more:

@gulberat: A surprisingly dark ending there. I like it. The odd downer ending here and there is a nice change of pace from the usual "captain and crew pull out ingenious/brave solution to save the day" type of ending, and it's a refreshing to see what happens when things go wrong. As jonsills pointed out, even the main character can't win them all.

@zidanetribal: You know, I always thought that the Husnock would have made interesting recurring villains if Kevin Uxbridge hadn't deux ex machina'd them into extinction. The fact that you decided to bring them back as some sort of parisitic techno-undead was rather interesting. I look forward to seeing more about them, particularly of how and why they are coming back.

@knightraider6: (Rolls on floor laughing at the end). At this point, I think the alternate title of this Literary Challenge should be "It Sucks to be Franklin Drake."

@edinator96: You are discovering, like everyone else, that stuff written on Word doesn't transfer over very well. Use Notepad instead: that way, at least the quotations marks, etc, won't show up as question marks instead.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,703
# 173
04-17-2013, 11:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
He really shouldn't, after all, not all captains are cleared to know the same information, and the notion of 'privileged information' Alyosha should understand better than most... I think if I had to identify a flaw in Alyosha, it is that he worries too much about what others may or may not know, and takes more upon himself than he need to... My understanding is that transwarp is something requiring clearance and procedures to engage, not just the individual captain wanting to 'kick it up a notch', so again, that's not something that he should feel guilty about on Captain Sengupta's behalf...
In the game, transwarp and quantum slipstream are actually treated as routine forms of travel for high-ranking starship commanders--much, much more so than in the 24th century. It's the fact that Starfleet was working on an interdictor that was classified.

As for Alyosha's flaw...yeah, he probably does take more on himself than he needs to. But I think some of that may be because he practically began life guilty of involuntary manslaughter. As you may remember, when he was a few weeks old (though developmentally ahead of a human newborn of a few weeks' age), he killed his first caretaker out of starvation, being too young to understand his actions and realize that she would die. It then took eight years before he was placed into the home of the Azarovs, and he knows this was because the scientists felt the had to be sure he was old enough--had enough self-control--not to kill again.

I am sure that had an impact on how he sees the possibility of being responsible for the deaths of others. I don't think it's crippling, but it's definitely one of his greatest challenges as a Starfleet captain.

If Branflakes ever does the legal-proceeding challenge...the court-martial/board of inquiry challenge...I now definitely have material for that. I expect there would be a classified board of inquiry regarding the loss of the Indomitable, and that the officers of the Chin'toka, the Chalcedon, and the survivors of DS11 would be required to testify, in addition to the remaining few Indomitable personnel. I cannot imagine that would be easy for Alyosha.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ambassadormolari View Post
@gulberat: A surprisingly dark ending there. I like it. The odd downer ending here and there is a nice change of pace from the usual "captain and crew pull out ingenious/brave solution to save the day" type of ending, and it's a refreshing to see what happens when things go wrong. As jonsills pointed out, even the main character can't win them all.
I don't like writing too many downers, but for some reason this time it just felt wrong--too implausible--for Alyosha to be able to pull off a full victory. Sometimes, the laws of physics and tactics just cannot be overridden, no matter how you try.

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Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,678
# 174
04-17-2013, 12:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
In the game, transwarp and quantum slipstream are actually treated as routine forms of travel for high-ranking starship commanders--much, much more so than in the 24th century. It's the fact that Starfleet was working on an interdictor that was classified.
Ahh, I hadn't realized that... I'd guessed that larger ships like the Enterprise-F would have a transwarp drive, where the Valkyrie wouldn't, but I'd got the impression that it was more a case of where they needed clearance from Command to use transwarp :-\

Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
As for Alyosha's flaw...yeah, he probably does take more on himself than he needs to. But I think some of that may be because he practically began life guilty of involuntary manslaughter. As you may remember, when he was a few weeks old (though developmentally ahead of a human newborn of a few weeks' age), he killed his first caretaker out of starvation, being too young to understand his actions and realize that she would die. It then took eight years before he was placed into the home of the Azarovs, and he knows this was because the scientists felt the had to be sure he was old enough--had enough self-control--not to kill again.
Yes, I recall the incident, and I can only imagine how traumatic is was for him to realize that he'd taken a life Of course, all great characters need their Persian Flaw, I just feel Ayosha deserves an easier time of things

Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
I am sure that had an impact on how he sees the possibility of being responsible for the deaths of others. I don't think it's crippling, but it's definitely one of his greatest challenges as a Starfleet captain.
I would imagine that he found the Bridge Commander's exam a hard one to pass :-\

Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
If Branflakes ever does the legal-proceeding challenge...the court-martial/board of inquiry challenge...I now definitely have material for that. I expect there would be a classified board of inquiry regarding the loss of the Indomitable, and that the officers of the Chin'toka, the Chalcedon, and the survivors of DS11 would be required to testify, in addition to the remaining few Indomitable personnel. I cannot imagine that would be easy for Alyosha.
It would certainly be an interesting scenario to read, and I hope that it is an LC which gets posted at some point, it would be great to see the challenges our resident crews would have to encounter and overcome
Captain
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 540
# 175
04-17-2013, 02:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gulberat View Post
If Branflakes ever does the legal-proceeding challenge...the court-martial/board of inquiry challenge...I now definitely have material for that. I expect there would be a classified board of inquiry regarding the loss of the Indomitable, and that the officers of the Chin'toka, the Chalcedon, and the survivors of DS11 would be required to testify, in addition to the remaining few Indomitable personnel. I cannot imagine that would be easy for Alyosha.
(
That would definitely be an interesting challenge, and I can see it turning ugly if Alyosha's alien nature were brought into question. At this rate, I think either a court-martial, fleet action, or officer exchange would make for a great LC.

Incidentally, this may have been mentioned before, but...what class of ship is the Chin'toka?
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 106
# 176
04-17-2013, 04:05 PM
Two more story comments!

@sander233: Ha, I'd almost forgotten about Rain Robinson! So, so many Star Wars references, and though the story's long, it moves just as quickly as your last one. The pacing really captures the feel like a Trek episode (especially the prologue of the station being captured), the new characters are fleshed out very well, and the final battle gives a whole new meaning to "rip your arm off and beat you to death with it."

@gulberat: This was a very thoughtful, poetic entry: you really do an amazing job of exploring Alyosha's very human emotions, and how sensitive and compassionate a character he is. It's so easy for "hundreds" to be a statistic, and in this case to assign the blame to where it properly belongs at Starfleet Command, that it says volumes about him that he blames himself and feels the loss of the Indomitable so deeply...
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,184
# 177
04-17-2013, 08:44 PM
@zidanetribal - Heck yes this was a good one! It reminded me of the Reavers from Firefly To know it's from real ST canon makes the piece even better. Poor crew, I was liking Dlal and "Robby" was brilliant
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 187
# 178
04-17-2013, 10:00 PM
@gulberat: I think "The Interdictor" was an excellent story which adds a layer of fallibility to Strannik. Out of the involved parties, though, I think Strannik is the least culpable in the endeavor, if mainly because Sengupta was too eager to jump the gun. Of course, this is from my point of view.

@sander233: Admiral Lee calls the android Robby because his designation is R-66Y and Admiral Lee is a bit too informal. If you read my Gateway page, you can see his full name is Prometheus R-66Y, Prometheus being his model. ( ̄ー ̄)

@ambassadormolari: With any luck, a future LC will allow me to revisit the Husnock angle, especially since I didn't have enough time to explore it as much as I wanted. You do give me a more interesting idea than the mundane one I had, although it'll probably be stripped of the supernatural.

@cmdrscarlet: Scarlet has found out the secret! I'll have to cover my tracks better by evolving the story differently next LC.


Literary Challenges Entries- Star Trek Online: Lord English
Dramatis Personae of Star Trek Online: Lord English
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,512
# 179
04-17-2013, 10:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sparklysoldier View Post
Two more story comments!

@sander233: Ha, I'd almost forgotten about Rain Robinson! So, so many Star Wars references, and though the story's long, it moves just as quickly as your last one. The pacing really captures the feel like a Trek episode (especially the prologue of the station being captured), the new characters are fleshed out very well, and the final battle gives a whole new meaning to "rip your arm off and beat you to death with it."
I'm glad you liked it!

I like writing in various DOffs into my crews and when I picked up Rain from one of those temporal beacon assignments a few weeks ago I knew I had to write a "That's No Moon" bit for her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by zidanetribal View Post
@sander233: Admiral Lee calls the android Robby because his designation is R-66Y and Admiral Lee is a bit too informal. If you read my Gateway page, you can see his full name is Prometheus R-66Y, Prometheus being his model. ( ̄ー ̄)
I picked up on the Robby = R-66Y thing, but are you sure there isn't a Forbidden Planet reference in there somewhere?

"Look at all the pretty lights!"

The Masterverse Timeline / Ten Forward Fanfics
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 187
# 180
04-17-2013, 11:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
I'm glad you liked it!

I like writing in various DOffs into my crews and when I picked up Rain from one of those temporal beacon assignments a few weeks ago I knew I had to write a "That's No Moon" bit for her.



I picked up on the Robby = R-66Y thing, but are you sure there isn't a Forbidden Planet reference in there somewhere?
I'm a bit too young for Forbidden Planet, although I've heard of Robby the Robot before. The reference, though, is actually from the Squaresoft game Chrono Trigger.


Literary Challenges Entries- Star Trek Online: Lord English
Dramatis Personae of Star Trek Online: Lord English
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