Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 147
# 101
04-23-2013, 07:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
I kept mine short for you.
That's very nice (and unnecessary!) of you. As always, I enjoyed your entry. I haven't paid much attention to the official STO timeline, so I'm not sure how much of that is in-game versus original. It was a nice short overview of how your officer's life was shaped by events way outside of their control.

What could/should I do differently or consider next time?
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,546
# 102
04-24-2013, 01:49 PM
So ...

I'm ok with my post. I mean, the topic was wide open and some great entries have been entered. For me, Romulans and their situation is not a source I could tap into with conviction.

I'm a Feddy and proud of it
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,961
# 103
04-24-2013, 02:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
So ...

I'm ok with my post. I mean, the topic was wide open and some great entries have been entered. For me, Romulans and their situation is not a source I could tap into with conviction.

I'm a Feddy and proud of it
I'd say you captured the essence of Kovem's conflict perfectly, it'll be great to see him re-appear in future LCs
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,762
# 104
04-24-2013, 05:51 PM
@cmdrscarlet - very nice entry! A few typos here and there but nothing too distracting. Great little character piece.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,390
# 105
04-25-2013, 10:17 AM
@cdrscarlet: I like this.
"when you're out of Birds of Prey, you're out of ships."
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 209
# 106
04-25-2013, 11:08 AM
And finally done, after contending with a sever case of writer's block. This is one story I have been waiting for since the Romulan faction was announced (And the plot was my plan since the announcement).

*looks at the LC story thread* Looks like I have some catching up to do. Time to get to reading
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,546
# 107
04-25-2013, 12:16 PM
@ironphoenix113: ooo a little bit of drama and a little bit of action A couple of typos but nothing distracting.

@sander - I sifted through mine and fixed what I could find.

Thank you for praise to my work
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,961
# 108
04-25-2013, 01:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironphoenix113 View Post
And finally done, after contending with a sever case of writer's block. This is one story I have been waiting for since the Romulan faction was announced (And the plot was my plan since the announcement). :-D

*looks at the LC story thread* Looks like I have some catching up to do. Time to get to reading
Very nice, that was certainly a twist I would not have expected A couple of points I would raise though, are: Have Selana's existence already known to Bryan, rather than breaking the tension of the standoff with the inserted scene, and maybe have him brush the Tal Shiar commander off with some comment like "My family's convolutions are not your business, Commander..." which would then take care entirely of my second point... The mental communication between Bryan and Syiseda, displayed a kind of intimacy which just felt inappropriate for a married man and an officer under his command... If Syiseda was happy to begin to tell Bryan about Selana aurally, there was no need for the conversation to then make the jump to the telepathic... Of course, that's just my own perspective, others might have no issue with it
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 460
# 109
04-25-2013, 06:01 PM
@ironphoenix113: Rather interesting story, there.

I look forward to seeing just how Selana's story develops.

Quick question, though: What is Selana's relationship with her XO, Veril? Is it simply a friendship between officers, or is there a more... intimate... connection between the two? I can't really tell.
Originally KiraYamato before the Account Linking - True Join Date August 2008

"In the game of war, there are no clear rules you can follow." - Andrew Waltfeld
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 209
# 110
04-25-2013, 06:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmdrscarlet View Post
@ironphoenix113: ooo a little bit of drama and a little bit of action A couple of typos but nothing distracting.

@sander - I sifted through mine and fixed what I could find.

Thank you for praise to my work
ty! I'll go through mine and fix those when I don't have a history essay I've been procrastinating for half the semester on. Yours was excellent as well, much more softly spoken than my usually faster and more ...actiony? tales. Well done!

Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
Very nice, that was certainly a twist I would not have expected A couple of points I would raise though, are: Have Selana's existence already known to Bryan, rather than breaking the tension of the standoff with the inserted scene, and maybe have him brush the Tal Shiar commander off with some comment like "My family's convolutions are not your business, Commander..." which would then take care entirely of my second point... The mental communication between Bryan and Syiseda, displayed a kind of intimacy which just felt inappropriate for a married man and an officer under his command... If Syiseda was happy to begin to tell Bryan about Selana aurally, there was no need for the conversation to then make the jump to the telepathic... Of course, that's just my own perspective, others might have no issue with it
Thanks for the advice! The reason Syiseda decided to start talking telepathically with him was she tends to have a good eye for what should be kept between two people for a period of time. Which is also why she commonly uses her telepathy to tell people things that only they should hear, or when she needs to talk privately. Not to mention she tends a very playful and sarcastic person.

At any rate, yours was certainly an interesting story, not to mention that it had a very unique perspective. Can't wait to read more

Quote:
Originally Posted by takeshi6 View Post
@ironphoenix113: Rather interesting story, there.

I look forward to seeing just how Selana's story develops.
ty! I certainly look foreward to developing her, both here and in-game.

Quote:
Originally Posted by takeshi6 View Post
Quick question, though: What is Selana's relationship with her XO, Veril? Is it simply a friendship between officers, or is there a more... intimate... connection between the two? I can't really tell.
That one, my friend, is a tale for another time

SPOILER:

You didn't really think I would spoil this here did you? Read and find out!
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:25 PM.