Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,761
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,761
# 112
04-25-2013, 09:32 PM
@ironphoenix - another great story! Nice job introducing a character with a twist, and your battle scene (though brief) was very well done. There were a few typos (a lot of 'e's where 'a's should be) but apart from that very well written.
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 209
# 113
04-26-2013, 02:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
@ironphoenix - another great story! Nice job introducing a character with a twist, and your battle scene (though brief) was very well done. There were a few typos (a lot of 'e's where 'a's should be) but apart from that very well written.
ty! Glad you liked it! And I blame the typos on the fact that I've been writing in notepad. And on the fact that I've been writing this while really tired.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
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Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,942
# 114
04-26-2013, 03:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironphoenix113 View Post
Thanks for the advice! The reason Syiseda decided to start talking telepathically with him was she tends to have a good eye for what should be kept between two people for a period of time. Which is also why she commonly uses her telepathy to tell people things that only they should hear, or when she needs to talk privately. Not to mention she tends a very playful and sarcastic person.
Ahh, that's fair enough, I just thought it made them seem a bit overly familiar, but if that's something she does in general, then no worries I just kind of get the impression of Bryan as being this kind of International Man of Mystery with a huge amount of crazy stuff about him which people simply don't know, ie Romulan sister, kids at the Bajoran temple etc, which would never get mentioned, then when the subject comes up, he'd just be "Oh, yeah, didn't you know?" and totally play it off as if it was open knowledge

Quote:
Originally Posted by ironphoenix113 View Post
At any rate, yours was certainly an interesting story, not to mention that it had a very unique perspective. Can't wait to read more :-D
Thanks, I wanted to try something a little different, given Ael isn't a character I plan on using much. First person isn't a style I use much, so it seemed like the way to go As per Sander233's example, I hope to have something else up later today
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,942
# 115
04-26-2013, 07:12 PM
I decided it was time to write something which explained S'rR's and I'sH'd's behaviors...

For ease of reference/visualization, here're the actors I would cast if I was filming this tomorrow...

Todd Mitchell - Thomas Dekker
Claire - Lacey Chabert
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,942
# 116
04-27-2013, 09:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
Forgot to say how much I thoroughly enjoyed this entry Really nice glimpse into Ssharki's past, and it was great to see how he wound up in the service of the Klingons The battle was nicely paced and didn't drag at all, and I loved the image of the ship plunging into the atmosphere and breaking apart as Ssharki made his escape Also a telling insight when he refused to fight the Klingon officers, even though he could have taken them all without effort
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,761
# 117
04-27-2013, 01:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
Forgot to say how much I thoroughly enjoyed this entry Really nice glimpse into Ssharki's past, and it was great to see how he wound up in the service of the Klingons The battle was nicely paced and didn't drag at all, and I loved the image of the ship plunging into the atmosphere and breaking apart as Ssharki made his escape
I'm glad you liked it. I mostly wrote in the ship entering the atmosphere so I'd have excuse to use the phrase "explosive ablation" which is my second-favorite destructive effect of hypervelocity kinetics (the first being atmospheric fusion.)

Quote:
Also a telling insight when he refused to fight the Klingon officers, even though he could have taken them all without effort
That's Gorn pragmatism for you. Even though Ssharki would have been with in his rights and acting within his code of honor to take them out, he had no real reason to. From his point of view in that moment, he had nothing to live for, and therefore nothing to fight for. I also wanted an excuse to mix in some favorite tlhIngan Hol phrases while everyone else is celebrating Talk Like A Romulan Month.


Also, I really appreciated your in-depth explanation of the Pentaxian people and culture. Really a very fascinating mix between some of the best and worst qualities of the Arabic, Feudal Japanese and Indian cultural traditions.

Last edited by sander233; 04-27-2013 at 01:11 PM.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
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# 118
04-27-2013, 01:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
I'm glad you liked it. I mostly wrote in the ship entering the atmosphere so I'd have excuse to use the phrase "explosive ablation" which is my second-favorite destructive effect of hypervelocity kinetics (the first being atmospheric fusion.)
Very much so, and I like the sound of that

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
That's Gorn pragmatism for you. Even though Ssharki would have been with in his rights and acting within his code of honor to take them out, he had no real reason to. From his point of view in that moment, he had nothing to live for, and therefore nothing to fight for. I also wanted an excuse to mix in some favorite tlhIngan Hol phrases while everyone else is celebrating Talk Like A Romulan Month.
I think that was what I liked the most about it: The fact he was doing them a favor, by simply didn't have the heart for it at that time... I'm not a tlhIgan Hol speaker, but everything worked really nicely

Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
Also, I really appreciated your in-depth explanation of the Pentaxian people and culture. Really a very fascinating mix between some of the best and worst qualities of the Arabic, Feudal Japanese and Indian cultural traditions.
Thanks, I couldn't believe the timing of your Gorn article I didn't want them to be a perfect people, and pretty prickly when it comes to matters of personal honor. Equally, I wanted to leave the hint that since Garth's visit, a few generations of isolatonist rule had made things considerably less favorable in the Dynasty with regard outsiders. Ironically, it was only by writing that, that I discovered why K'm'rn chose to defend Marcus rather than arrest him, so it's funny how things can work out ^_^ The other thing I'd wanted to get down, was the beginning of the Claire and Mitchell scenario

Last edited by marcusdkane; 04-27-2013 at 01:50 PM.
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,761
# 119
04-27-2013, 04:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
Very much so, and I like the sound of that
This is a very thorough (and very humorous) description of atmospheric fusion.

Quote:
I didn't want them to be a perfect people, and pretty prickly when it comes to matters of personal honor. Equally, I wanted to leave the hint that since Garth's visit, a few generations of isolatonist rule had made things considerably less favorable in the Dynasty with regard outsiders. Ironically, it was only by writing that, that I discovered why K'm'rn chose to defend Marcus rather than arrest him, so it's funny how things can work out ^_^
I was sort of wondering about that, but as we've seen in modern Earth cultures, extremist views have a way of permeating a society very quickly.

Quote:
The other thing I'd wanted to get down, was the beginning of the Claire and Mitchell scenario
Looking forward to seeing where that goes!
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,761
# 120
04-27-2013, 07:26 PM
@fullofstars - very nice piece of work! I love that you've created Nalah as a classic Romulan character who so diligently follows the First Rule of Espionage: "Have a plan to kill everyone you meet." That greatly enhanced my enjoyment of your story.
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