Ensign
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 7
"Desperate Reflections"
Federation
Level 31+
Around 30 Minutes to complete.


This is a Federation players perspective of how desperate the Terran Empire have grown since the Tholians began invading there universe.

Save the U.S.S. Numitor from an awful fate and win the admiration of it's crew.

Please help me get the required plays/reviews so this missions can give out rewards.

There are side missions and "Easter egg" style finds for those that look hard enough. (I had to take a few out when a friend informed me that no one would get the references but me.)

I spent a lot of time testing and tweaking this mission so I hope you enjoy it. Feel free to leave feedback.
Ensign
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 7
# 2
04-13-2013, 03:28 PM
A shameless bump I know. I really need the foundry communities help getting reviews and feedback for "Desperate Reflections."
Lieutenant
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 34
# 3
04-14-2013, 01:37 PM
Just played your mission, here is my opinion of it:

1. You have many grammar errors, especially contractions. When the mirror universe ships attack "they're" attacking not "their" attacking. They're is short for "they are", while their means it is owned by them. Easy way to remember is if you are using "they're" or "their" and aren't certain which is which is to replace "they're" with the words "they are". If the words "they are" fit then it's a contraction and you should use "they're". Also when rescuing the wounded crewman saying "your wounded" should be replaced with "you are wounded". Again like they're and their if the word can be broken up into two words then it's a contraction. In this case the player is saying trying to say that the character is wounded so it should be "you're wounded" which could also said as "you are wounded". "your wounded" would be like saying "this is your wounded" which made no sense given the context of the dialog.

2. you provide a lot of sidequests and make much of the combat optional. This I consider to be a good thing, I like having optional things to do. However while these things are optional some of the dialog doesn't make them seem optional. A good example of this is when you see the terran empire troops attacking the saurian crewman. I can tell from the map that I could have not gone into that room to save the labour However the text that appeared when we saw that gave my player no opportunity but "lets rescue him" (can't remember the exact dialog now). Later in the mission it made sense as he came back so he had to be rescued but it should have been a primary mission since it was plot important rather then optional.

3. Not certain if this another contraction issue or not but in the dialog with crewman parion right after the mess hall you have "I know were trained". It should either be "I know we were trained" or "I know we're trained" (which is the same as "I know we are trained"). Anyways it is a grammar issue that could use fixing.

5. in the conversation with captain packert "I send one of my officers back..." should be "I sent one of my officers back..."

Overall I really did enjoy your mission. Grammar was the only main problem I found. I could always figure out where to go on the maps, the final battle was a little tough but made a good finale. Overall I give it a four star rating.
Do not be afraid to joust a giant just because some people insist on believing in windmills.

Check out my foundry mission "The Writers of History".

Last edited by donkyhotay; 04-14-2013 at 02:00 PM.
Ensign
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 7
# 4
04-17-2013, 05:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by donkyhotay View Post
Just played your mission, here is my opinion of it:

1. You have many grammar errors, especially contractions. When the mirror universe ships attack "they're" attacking not "their" attacking. They're is short for "they are", while their means it is owned by them. Easy way to remember is if you are using "they're" or "their" and aren't certain which is which is to replace "they're" with the words "they are". If the words "they are" fit then it's a contraction and you should use "they're". Also when rescuing the wounded crewman saying "your wounded" should be replaced with "you are wounded". Again like they're and their if the word can be broken up into two words then it's a contraction. In this case the player is saying trying to say that the character is wounded so it should be "you're wounded" which could also said as "you are wounded". "your wounded" would be like saying "this is your wounded" which made no sense given the context of the dialog.
I've gone in and fixed all of these and more. I only hope I found them all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by donkyhotay View Post
2. you provide a lot of sidequests and make much of the combat optional. This I consider to be a good thing, I like having optional things to do. However while these things are optional some of the dialog doesn't make them seem optional. A good example of this is when you see the terran empire troops attacking the saurian crewman. I can tell from the map that I could have not gone into that room to save the labour However the text that appeared when we saw that gave my player no opportunity but "lets rescue him" (can't remember the exact dialog now). Later in the mission it made sense as he came back so he had to be rescued but it should have been a primary mission since it was plot important rather then optional.
I took the triggers off the save Lebour section and added it to the storyboard so it shows as an objective. I originally had it this way but wanted it to feel like something you stumble upon. I do see how it appears more like an optional event and decided to alter it as that's not the impression I want to give there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by donkyhotay View Post
3. Not certain if this another contraction issue or not but in the dialog with crewman parion right after the mess hall you have "I know were trained". It should either be "I know we were trained" or "I know we're trained" (which is the same as "I know we are trained"). Anyways it is a grammar issue that could use fixing.

5. in the conversation with captain packert "I send one of my officers back..." should be "I sent one of my officers back..."
Done and done. Was there a forth point that maybe you deleted?

Quote:
Originally Posted by donkyhotay View Post
Overall I really did enjoy your mission. Grammar was the only main problem I found. I could always figure out where to go on the maps, the final battle was a little tough but made a good finale. Overall I give it a four star rating.
I wanted the final battle to be tough but fair, I hope it came across that way.
Thank you for playing, I'm happy you liked it. A bigger thanks for the feedback, it was a big help and you didn't have to take the time to write it.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,418
# 5
04-30-2013, 04:29 PM
Just got around to playing this, and I really enjoyed it. This is a very good first mission. I'll my review on the Foundry Roundtable this week so you may want to tune in.

@greendragoon
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