Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,760


Up on holodeck and qualified for standard rewards:
a time to search

ST-HLFRSWRPV

Faction: Federation

Level: 16+

A time to disobey orders.
A time to define friendship.
A time to search.
When a familliar face contacts you with information about a missing crewman, your search leads you on an adventure through the seedy underbelly of the alpha quadrant.

MY FIRST FOUNDRY MISSION!

- Story based

- Mostly ground based gameplay

- Puzzle and Stealth gameplay

- Combat light

- Designed for single player

As much effort as possible has been made to adhere to the EULA. No persons living or dead are portrayed in this mission and all characters are under license by Cryptic/PWE.

Your Boff's will not be able to follow you on all sections of the maps. You may decide to exile them.

I am not responsible for any glitches video settings or many other factors. The foundry is a limited toolset and is still in open Beta.

Please contact me: @lincolninspace before leaving any negative reviews.

Your feedback is greatly appreciate. Thank you!


Maps:

Deep space observatory

Deep space observatory (custom)

Droxine city spaceport (custom)

Droxine city (custom)

Dive bar

Moon surface

Erstwhile V interior (custom)

Kinjun VI space map (custom)


________

Season 8 re publish known issues:

The mission plays through from beginning to end.
I had to do the drop out of warp objective 3 times for it to spawn the new map. This is probably because I travelled at full impulse.

Some typos.
Play more STO Foundry! (You can thank me later.)

A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM in the SIRIUS SECTOR

Last edited by lincolninspace; 12-18-2013 at 02:06 PM.
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,760
# 2
05-05-2013, 10:34 PM
Mission gallery







IDRONA's Playthrough video (The mission still needed more polish at the time): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryc3r...ature=youtu.be
Play more STO Foundry! (You can thank me later.)

A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM in the SIRIUS SECTOR

Last edited by lincolninspace; 10-19-2013 at 09:28 AM.
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,760
# 3
05-10-2013, 06:52 PM
Some screen captures:

Office workers cross a skybridge in my custom cloud city map:

The view from the top of a skyscraper:





A vertigo inducing chase sequence:

Play more STO Foundry! (You can thank me later.)

A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM in the SIRIUS SECTOR

Last edited by lincolninspace; 10-19-2013 at 08:56 PM.
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,760
# 4
05-17-2013, 07:34 AM
Some screen captures:

Office workers cross a skybridge in my custom cloud city map:

The view from the top of a skyscraper:





A vertigo inducing chase sequence:

Play more STO Foundry! (You can thank me later.)

A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM in the SIRIUS SECTOR

Last edited by lincolninspace; 10-19-2013 at 08:55 PM.
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,760
# 5
05-18-2013, 08:54 AM
Cast (In order of appearances)

Duty Officer

L'var

Capt James Kurland

Shopkeeper

Old Elim Garak

Orion Slave girl

Chief medical hologram

Contact (The amphibian)

Yridian captain

Tentacle alien

Drath Captain

Doro the Founder

Butler Okona

Kell

Sshellah the Gorn

Nausicaan heavy

Duty officer (In disguise)

Trajan

Thot Bal

Duty officer Yorbo



************************************************** ***********************************
Supporting cast (optional dialog)

Human Bartender

Customs officer

Historian

Alien bartender

Smeg the Ferengi (proprietor of Smeg's pan-galactic haberdashery and emporium of resplendent wonders)

Ask The Wisest Tribble (Interactive novelty)

*lincolninspace (as himself)

************************************************** *************************************
Play more STO Foundry! (You can thank me later.)

A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM in the SIRIUS SECTOR

Last edited by lincolninspace; 10-19-2013 at 09:05 PM.
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,336
# 6
05-18-2013, 10:12 AM
Let me know later on, if you'd like me to play it again since you're improving it.
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,760
# 7
05-18-2013, 10:57 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by idrona View Post
Let me know later on, if you'd like me to play it again since you're improving it.
Oh cool. I will on the other side of the LOR update.
Play more STO Foundry! (You can thank me later.)

A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM in the SIRIUS SECTOR
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 13,584
# 8
05-22-2013, 06:35 PM
Ah, that sounds really cool. I liked this one a lot.
HAIL HYDRA!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I can haz joystick!
MMOs aren't charities. Corporations are supposed to make a profit. It's what they do.
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,760
# 9
08-18-2013, 09:37 PM
Very very close to a final build of the mission. I believe all npcs are labeled some invisible walls were added for your protection. All the pesky floating bottles are gone. My pc is down for repair atm. There should be no major issues with this mission so give it a try! Thank u to all my positive reviewers!
Play more STO Foundry! (You can thank me later.)

A TIME TO SEARCH: ENTER MY FOUNDRY MISSION at the RISA SYSTEM in the SIRIUS SECTOR
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 830
Quote:
Originally Posted by lincolninspace View Post
Hello Evil. I love your in depth reviews. Just published my first mission: A time to search by @lincolninspace. It is still under review and needs played aa few times. Thanks in advance
Federation Mission - A time to search
Author: lincolninspace
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HLFRSWRPV

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: For your first mission you did quite well. Your map designs are quite advanced for a first time author and I really enjoyed them, especially the detailed design of the "Erstwhile V interior" map. The mission premise is outstanding and I like the way you wrote it. Despite the issues discussed below I would still recommend this mission to other players. I had fun and really enjoyed the mission.

I noted on several of the maps the use of [MissionInfo] feature versus the [OOC] feature when trying to distinguish the difference between the dialog and a description of something the player is doing to help drive the story. As I mentioned the use of the [OOC] feature has been used in many Foundry missions including my own. It is typically used in conjunction with [Rank] and/or [LastName] in the dialogue box to distinguish it as the players dialogue when it is too long for the response button field. Speaking of the response button field, you should choose to either enter the response in that field or use the [OOC] method I just described above, not both. If you use the [Rank] and/or [LastName] in conjunction with the [OOC] feature you can then use just the [OOC] feature to describe actions being taken such as "[OOC]You tap your comm. Badge[/OOC]". The [MissionInfo] feature should only be used to describe things in the mission the player needs to remember or tasks they need to complete. On several maps it seemed to jump around and was being used for dialogue and tasks. It will be easier if you pick a method and stick with it throughout the mission.

The use of triggered dialogue for conversations and interactions that is not required for the story. The normal method of making a NPC on the map an optional contact that really serves no purpose to the story. What the player sees is a large amount of "I" icons on the map. This can confuse the map and clutter it with a lot of useless points the player must go to determine they serve no purpose in the story. I usually recommend using triggered optional dialogue along the most likely path the player will take to get somewhere on the map. The benefit of this is once the player has interacted with the optional dialogue it goes away. It can also be used to trigger events. For example the Nausicaan mob confrontation. If this was an optional dialogue the player could trigger a fire fight or avoid it depending on the choice they make. It would make the story more interesting and provide the player with the option to avoid a fight or bring one on.

The last real issue I had was the larger number of "Interact" buttons spread throughout the mission. Most of them where optional interactions and I think that is why you did not fill them in with a description. The problem with not filling them in is the player does not know what they need to interact with and what they do not. It can also become confusing for you the author when you are trying to edit the mission. You need to fill them in with the specific interaction. It is the same with the optional triggered interactions and dialogue I mention above. It will also help to flesh out the story a little more for the players.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a short but interesting description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is very well written grant dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: You should include the start location for the first custom map in the initial task to include the sector block. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: : This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Deep space observatory: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Recommend using triggered dialogue for conversations and interactions that are not required for the story. I will note it on each map and cover it in detail in the summary.
-The "Speak to L'var" dialogue; consider changing "I have been looking forward your arrival" to read "I have been looking forward to your arrival".
-I am less strict regarding the use of contractions by Vulcan's but I am trying to remember the last Vulcan I heard use one. You also do not mention he is half Rigellian and Vulcan until much later on in the dialogue.
-The use of a colloquialism by a Vulcan seems unlikely unless he set it up with something along the lines of "As the British might say, dealing with cheeky 19 year olds". I think it would make the story flow better.
-The use of [OOC] dialogue to simulate the player speaking is widely used in many missions I have reviewed and I also use it in my missions. I will note it on each map and cover it in detail in the summary.
-The use of [MissionInfo] dialogue should be used to highlight specific things in a mission for the player to note. I will note it on each map and cover it in detail in the summary.
-The "Recieve Transmission" task should read "Receive Transmission".
-The "Capt. Kurland" dialogue; consider changing "Well [Rank], My contact one of the" to read "Well [Rank], my contact is one of the".
-The "Garak" dialogue; consider changing "Well yes captain [LastName], My security forces" to read "Well yes Captain [LastName], my security forces".

Observatory: space: This is a nice map design but needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Because of the nature of this map you should name it a more neutral name. You should name it something like "Space" or something along those lines.
-The planet we are heading to is already visible on the other side of the transwarp conduit.
-Consider reorienting the planet and transwarp conduit on the map to face east to west and use the effect WeatherStarStreaks East-West 01. That effect looks better than the North-South effects.
-Consider removing the "Admiral Vo'reen" and related dialogue completely. It serves no purpose in the story and is an unnecessary distraction.
-The response button "A captain never abandons his crew" and "to heck with our orders" would both be rendered void by removing the Admiral Vo'reen dialogue, but if you decide to keep that dialogue then consider changing "to heck with our orders" to read "To heck with our orders".

Droxine City Spaceport: This is a good and very detailed map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Scan when passing through the arch appears to be off center and the origin of the beam is in the middle of the arch.
-Recommend optional conversations and interactions use triggered dialogue. Additionally label the button with what the interaction is rather than leaving the default "Interact".
-The use of [OOC] dialogue.
-The use of [MissionInfo] dialogue.
-The cough bit is funny and would add to the story but when you make the player run to try and gain access to the city it seems unlikely. Consider changing this to add dialogue that allows the player to clear the medical exam. Then have them use the lift behind the Chief medical hologram. This would also alleviate the need for the Droxine City map. If you are going to have the player still try and escape at least put some low level enemy mobs for the player to fight before escaping through the hatch.

Droxine City: This is a very good map design with fun optional battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Recommend optional conversations and interactions use triggered dialogue.
-The use of [OOC] dialogue.
-The use of [MissionInfo] dialogue.
-I did notice that several of the enemy mobs for optional combat are mislabeled as Nausicaan fighters and not Ministry of Health.
-The "Contact ship again" dialogue; consider changing the response button "Great,make it quick" to read "Great, make it quick".
-The leap off the building to change maps is a fun little feature but is also unnecessary to the story. Consider changing the beam out point to be at the top of that building and not have the player leap off the top.

Dive bar: This is a good map design with several details and well written story dialogue. I liked the "Beam up to the S.S. Erstwhile V" effect. That was very well done. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Recommend optional conversations and interactions use triggered dialogue.
-The use of [OOC] dialogue.
-The use of [MissionInfo] dialogue.
-The "Profile" dialogue; the two human crewman have [MissionInfo] dialogue for their names but the Caitian and Toltarian crewman have no [MissionInfo] dialogue for their names. Consider making it consistent for all NPC profiles.
-Consider changing the response button "What would he want with my men" to read "What would he want with my crew".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]you and whispers)Plus the Thot[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]you and whispers) Plus the Thot[/MissionInfo]".
-Consider reducing the number of freighter captains the player asks to no more than 3. The other 4 become tedious very quickly. I did like the playing the game one so I would keep that one.
-Consider having the player sit on a real chair and have Doro appear from a chair next to them. It did not seem to come off the way you had planned. Doro and my character where right on top of each other.
-The "Doro" dialogue; consider moving the period between "blockade runner" and "My Captain". Additionally Doro's dialogue should not be optional. It should be part of the story.
-The "Butler Okona" dialogue; consider changing the response button "The Thot has some of my men as captives" to read "The Thot has some of my crew as captives".
-The "First Officer" dialogue; consider changing "And its not like" to read "And it's not like"
-Consider changing "Beside you promised to help" to read "Besides you promised to help".
-Consider removing the Nausicaan mob as they do not seem to add anything to the story. Additionally, one of the mob members is an Orion female.
-The "Talk to Kell" dialogue; she refers to the player as Captain in one portion of the dialogue and the by [Rank] in the other. Consider making it one or the other throughout the whole dialogue.

Moon surface: This is a good map design with fun optional combat and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The shuttle craft is hovering above the ground. Consider placing it on the ground and adding the Kell character to the map sitting outside the shuttle to interact with.
-Recommend labeling all buttons with what the interaction is rather than leaving the default "Interact".
-The use of [MissionInfo] dialogue.

Abandoned Mine: This is a good and very detailed map design. The story dialogue is well written but requires a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "set charges" to read "Set charges".
-Consider changing "set explosive" to read "Detonate explosive"
-Consider changing having the player move back away from the explosive to detonate them.
-Recommend labeling all buttons with what the interaction is rather than leaving the default "Interact".
-For the placement of the second charge you seem to have multiple interact buttons there. Consider removing excess buttons.
-The "Doro" dialogue seemed odd since she was nowhere around the crewmen when I found them. Consider adding Doro to appear when her dialogue starts. That means you will have to make a separate trigger for that if you want her to appear just as her dialogue starts.
-The map transfer dialogue; consider changing "use a stealthy approach to in vestigate the ship" to read "use a stealthy approach to investigate the ship".
-Consider changing "I can dock usto one of the maintenance tubes" to read "I can dock us at one of the maintenance tubes".

Erstwhile V interior: This is a great map design and your use of one map for the whole interior is very well done. The story dialogue is very well written but requires a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Recommend labeling all buttons with what the interaction is rather than leaving the default "Interact".
-The initial dialogue can be set to start without using a button to trigger it.
- For the open hatch you seem to have multiple interact buttons there. Consider removing excess buttons. Additionally consider designing the open hatch task to create an opening in the floor for the player to drop through. This can be done by designing that portion of the deck with individual grates. That would be better than just making the color disappear.
-Consider changing the flushing the Breen out into space into a fight with a low level mob. The player does not actually see the Breen get sucked out into space until it is done. I was not sure what was happening until I turned around after I reactivated the force field.
-The "Doro in disguise" was cute but adding nothing to the story. Consider removing it.
-The turbo lift to the "Medical Bay" was slightly lower than the deck.
-The use of [OOC] dialogue.
-The use of [MissionInfo] dialogue.
-The Warp Core intermix interaction needs to have a purpose other than optional dialogue. If you change it to triggered dialogue it will go away after the player achieves the goal you intended.
-The entrance to the bridge appears to have at least 3 doors. It appears that this is because the bridge you designed is slightly higher than where the player enters from the turbo lift. Consider removing the extra doors and building steps if you need to have the bridge elevated.

Kinjun IV: This is a nice map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue to wrap up the mission. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of [OOC] dialogue.
-The use of [MissionInfo] dialogue.
-Consider changing the "Hail Trajan" task to a triggered invisible object. Then when that dialogue is over you can make the ship disappear.
-Consider adding your thank you dialogue to the end of the "Hail Trajan" dialogue. Having the player fly to your position just to have you say "Thanks for playing" is unnecessary and annoying.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. Do not be discouraged by the length of the report above. For a first time author you did an amazing job in developing this mission and once you tweak it you will have an outstanding mission that everyone will enjoy. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 09/04/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
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