Lieutenant
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 38
# 1 "Contact Squared Part 1"
05-13-2013, 01:48 PM
My First Mission is up, and I would love to get some feedback on it.

Mostly, I want to make sure the whole thing makes sense to another human being, but feel free to nitpick every flaw you see...

Mission Name: Contact Squared
Author: eldil1
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDKD38CDP
Estimated Mission Length: 1hour 30minutes

In Game Description:

Quote:
Captain [LastName], Admiral Flores has a special assignment for you and the [ShipName]:

Forty years ago, Captain Jean-Luc Picard initiated First Contact with the inhabitants of Malcor III.

After a series of missteps on both sides, the Malcorians decided to postpone their Warp Program and focus on solving their social problems.

The Malcorians are now ready to resume the program and take their first Interstellar Warp Flight.

When you are ready, Admiral Flores will contact you with the mission details.

The Mission will begin just outside the Sierra/Starbase39 System.

This is a Story/Dialogue Driven Mission with some Ground and Space Combat.

Some choices will affect the path you take.


Version 1.0
I'm almost finished with Part 2, It will be up soon.

This mission is intended as a follow-up to the events in the ST:TNG episode: "First Contact" (season 4).

While the episode is not required viewing, It may increase your enjoyment of the mission...

Thank you in advance for your help...

**edit: Make that version 1.1... I just fixed some stupid things that I missed, (Names, typos, etc...) and re-published**

Last edited by eldil1; 10-12-2013 at 03:56 AM.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 877
Quote:
Originally Posted by eldil1 View Post
I've just posted my first mission, and I would greatly appreciate some feedback.

I like the in-depth information you provide, so I was hoping you could take a look at mine...

Here is my Forum thread

Mission Name: Contact Squared
Author: eldil1
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDKD38CDP
Estimated Mission Length: 30-45 minutes

In Game Description:

Thank you in advance for your help...
Federation Mission - Contact Squared
Author: eldil1
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDKD38CDP

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a really good mission, especially considering it is your first mission. The map designs are outstanding, especially the Warp Ship Durken maps. The battles are fun until the last few maps where they become tougher. The story dialogue is excellent but needs a little polishing here and there. The mission is more like an hour to an hour and half but I would still highly recommend this mission to other players but not on Elite.

Below I mention apparently random capitalized words in the dialogue on every map. During the mission the author should reduce the number of distractions as much as possible. Random capitalization of words is most likely not something that everyone would catch but then you did ask me to look. A few examples are given below for the first map but I also found the following ones spread throughout the dialogue on every map;
Conference
Warp Project
Explosive
Timer
Power
Heard
Gas Giant
This list is not inclusive of every instance in the mission dialogue but is intended to give you the idea of what to look for. I did not find any rank capitalization issues at all.

The use of branching dialogue in a mission can be a great way to take a story on a map in a particular direction. When dealing with dialogue coming from a computer it is perfectly acceptable to have the player return to a central dialogue menu. However when dealing with branching NPC or BOFF dialogue returning the player to the exact same root dialogue can be tedious and also distract from the story. Setting up a diminishing response menu option can be time consuming for the author but it does make for better story telling. Based on your work on this mission you have most likely used some tutorials. I have used many of the tutorials on Starbase UGC covering many topics for using the Foundry.

One last thing, I mention below on each map is the use of triggered optional dialogue and tasks. You are already using objects for triggered dialogue and tasks that work pretty well. If you are using objects you have to hide I would suggest using invisible objects on space, ground, and interior maps. I typically use the 10FT invisible object for triggered dialogue and tasks. Some of dialogue, objects and tasks need a little adjustment in when they become visible or disappear. For optional dialogue a good rule of thumb is it should only remain visible if the player may need to refer back to it. This is where the visibility triggers come in handy. Once a player has passed the task where the optional dialogue would help it should be removed. That is one of the reasons I push the triggered optional dialogue and discourage the NPC optional dialogue.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant and follow on dialogue were well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: The initial mission task should have the start location for the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this task

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

MAPS:
Malcor III: This is a good map design with fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Initial dialogue; consider changing "Captain, the Malcorian Space Station is Hailing us" to read "Captain, the Malcorian Space Station is hailing us".
-The "Commander Alrin Kaleth" dialogue; consider changing "aboard the Warp Vessel for a small dedication ceremony" to read "aboard the warp vessel for a small dedication ceremony"
-The "Hail the Shuttle" dialogue; consider changing "Captain, the Shuttle's transponder code doesn't match" to read "Captain, the shuttle's transponder code doesn't match"
-The "Admiral Flores" dialogue; consider changing "Tread Carefully Captain" to read "Tread carefully Captain".
-Consider changing the response button "Lets try hailing them one more time" to read "Let's try hailing them one more time".
-The "Shuttle Pilot" dialogue; consider changing "Filthy Aliens" to read "Filthy aliens".
-The "Rescue the Chancellor" dialogue; consider changing "I can't, Sir" to read "I can't, sir
-Consider changing "They're leaking Radiation" to read "They're leaking radiation"
-Consider changing "get me within Five Kilometers" to read "get me within five kilometers".
-Consider changing "hit a Quantum filament" to read "hit a quantum filament".
-Consider using invisible objects for your triggers. They will show up on the mini-map as long as they are part of the task. I will note this other maps and cover it in the summary above.
-You have a number of what appear to be random capitalized words in both dialogue and response buttons. There are several examples are above. From this point I will note the maps I find them on and cover it in my summary above.
-The post "Deliver Shuttle Crew" dialogue; consider changing "We had recieved credible" to read "We had received credible".
-The use of "Go Back" to take the player to the previous selection so they can continue is a little annoying. Consider having continuous dialogue trees where possible. You actually did have reducing choices for dialogue directions on later maps. I will note this other maps and cover it in my summary.

Warp Ship Durken: This is a great map design with several fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider correcting apparently random capitalized words.
-Consider adding a task before the "Return to the Admiral" where the player to roams around the room and talk to the other NPCs.
-Consider using triggered optional dialogue instead of optional NPC contact dialogue. The triggered optional dialogue can be set to go away after the player interacts with it or remain. I will cover this in my summary above.
-Consider having continuous dialogue trees where possible.
-Consider adding interaction animation for the player interactions with objects and consoles.
-The "Crewman Mirik Dranel" dialogue; consider changing "codes were reset after the attack.We don't keep" to read codes were reset after the attack. We don't keep".

Malcor VII: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider correcting apparently random capitalized words.
-Consider having continuous dialogue trees where possible.
-Consider using invisible objects for your triggers.
-Consider changing "Thank Captain [LastName], Once again" to read "Thank you Captain [LastName], once again".

Garth System: This is a great map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider correcting apparently random capitalized words.
-Consider using invisible objects for your triggers.
-Consider changing "Captain, Who is attacking us" to read "Captain, who is attacking us".

Warp Ship Durken: This is a great map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider correcting apparently random capitalized words.
-Consider using triggered optional dialogue.
-Consider adding interaction animation for the player interactions with objects and consoles.
-Consider having continuous dialogue trees where possible.
-The post "Disable Coolant system" dialogue; consider changing "I've disnengaged the safeties" to read "I've disengaged the safeties"
-The "New devices" were already visible before we engaged the Borg. Consider making them appear after the second or third "Hold off the Borg" task.
-The button for interacting with "Isrin" has the default "Interact" label. Consider changing the button to read "Check Isrin" or something along those lines. Also consider making the button appear after the plasma leak has been sealed and the fire is out.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission and I really enjoyed it. I look forward to playing/reviewing the second part to this mission and more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 09/06/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Lieutenant
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 38
# 3
10-08-2013, 04:24 PM
Thanks for the review evil70th, I appreciate the feedback.

And thanks to anyone else who played the mission.

I know I have a tendency to randomly capitalize words... You should have seen it before I proofread...

I discovered some of the tips you mentioned when I was working on Part 2, I planned on applying some of that after the whole thing was finished. Although, in some places, I still prefer the Federation Floor Logo to invisible objects. Simply because It has the sparkly effect rising from the floor.

I actually had no idea the mission was live. I've been out of STO for a few months, and with the foundry issues after the LoR launch, I assumed it wouldn't be automatically re-published. I think there are a few glitches from the update that I need to address.

Also: Part 2 was almost finished when LoR launched, so I should be able to get that up in the next day or so. Of course, it wouldn't be a true Trek cliffhanger if you didn't have to wait three months to see how it turns out...

Thanks again Evil, and everyone else who has played the mission...
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 877
# 4
10-08-2013, 11:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by eldil1 View Post
Thanks for the review evil70th, I appreciate the feedback.

And thanks to anyone else who played the mission.

I know I have a tendency to randomly capitalize words... You should have seen it before I proofread...

I discovered some of the tips you mentioned when I was working on Part 2, I planned on applying some of that after the whole thing was finished. Although, in some places, I still prefer the Federation Floor Logo to invisible objects. Simply because It has the sparkly effect rising from the floor.

I actually had no idea the mission was live. I've been out of STO for a few months, and with the foundry issues after the LoR launch, I assumed it wouldn't be automatically re-published. I think there are a few glitches from the update that I need to address.

Also: Part 2 was almost finished when LoR launched, so I should be able to get that up in the next day or so. Of course, it wouldn't be a true Trek cliffhanger if you didn't have to wait three months to see how it turns out...

Thanks again Evil, and everyone else who has played the mission...
As always I am glad I could help. Keep up the great work.

Thanks for authoring,
Brian
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
Lieutenant
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 38
# 5
10-13-2013, 05:37 PM
Here's CatstarSTO's review of this mission.

Contact Squared Part 1

Thanks again Catstar!
Lieutenant
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 38
# 6
11-11-2013, 06:02 PM
A question for anyone who has played this mission:

I've gotten a couple reports of an untargetable enemy in the mission. The players who reported it didn't give me enough information to find the problem. The best info points to a commando on the second map.

I've done several playthroughs (on the live version) and have not been able to replicate the problem.

If you've played this mission, and had the issue, can you give me a little more info so that I can fix the issue?

-Thanks in advance...
----------My Missions----------
Contact Squared Part 1
Contact Squared Part 2
Contact Squared: Tribunal (coming soon)
Contact Squared: Shadows (coming... not as soon...)

Last edited by eldil1; 11-11-2013 at 06:40 PM.
Captain
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 5,398
# 7
02-12-2014, 01:30 AM
StarSword-C's Detailed Review of "Contact Squared Part 1" by @eldil, Stardate 91720.48.

I'll be doing remarks map by map as I go through them. "Convo" will be shorthand for "conversation". With typos, the changes I make will be in red.

-----------------------------------------
Map "Malcor III":

Good job duplicating the Malcorian face from TNG: "First Contact".

Nice trick with clipping the ambassador's shuttle just inside the planet.

You're having a lot of issues with weird capitalization. For example, convo with Cdr. Alrin Kaleth at the space station:
-- Player responses to "A terrorist group known as "The Center" ...":
--- "I thought The Malcorian people were United?" -> "I thought the Malcorian people were united."
--- "How Would they get access to shuttles?" -> "How would they..."
-- Kaleth: "We are, for the most part. ... center of the Universe, and they see the Garth mission as Heresy." -> "...center of the universe, and they see the Garth mission as heresy."

-----------------------------------------
Map "Warp Ship Durken":

Sky castle, nice. I've never had the patience to make those so it's always impressive to see them done well.

The Enterprise-D trophy is floating a little ways up from its stand. Might want to lower the y-coordinate by maybe 0.1.

Convo with the chancellor and Adm. Flores:
-- Oh, so she's that Flores. Nice way to get around the EULA -- people's faces change quite a bit from 9 to 50-something.

Convo with Crilith Anel and Nasin Krola:
-- Anel: "Oh yeah... Do you think I'm Sciencey?" -> "... think I'm sciencey?"
-- Krola: "Perhaps, but that has always been the slogan of conquerors" -> "... of conquerors."

Convo with Kannis Nilrem and Isrin Dalek:
-- Nilrem: "Isrin, I still need you to come in... No Exceptions." -> "... No exceptions."
-- Dalek: "Can't you move me to the back ... The Deuterium injectors ..." -> "... The deuterium injectors..."

Convo with chancellor and admiral:
-- "Executive officer in charge of radishes"? Interesting reference to use for a noodle incident. I had to look that one up.

Convo with in mess hall with Taylan Messick and Idris Onel:
-- Onel: "No Reason..." -> "No reason..."

You know what? I'm giving up on the capitalization issues because it's midnight and I'm tired.

Convo with boffs at bomb:
-- Science: "It appears to be an organic explosive. ... very similar to an alchohol dehydrogenase... using alchohol. Real alchohol... -> "... very similar to an alcohol ... using alcohol. Real alcohol..."

Objectives: Could you not have attached the "get command code from Isrin Dalek" to a Talk to NPC objective on Isrin Dalek instead of using a map popup tied to an object activation?

You're misusing the term "bulkhead". A bulkhead is a wall, not a door. You're thinking of something like a blast door.

Overheard convo at second blast door:
-- Center Commander: "Chancellor Kalem Jonel, your sacred ... "Instead you allow Aliens to Violate it's sanctity." -> "... allow aliens to violate its sanctity."
-- Jonel: "If you're just going to murder me in a musty cave. I'd just assume you go ahead and do it now..." -> Something like, "You're just going to murder me in a musty cave. I'd prefer you to go ahead and do it now...

Convo after rescuing Jonel:
-- Player response to "Very well, but...": "... And beam the unconcscious Commandos to the Brig" -> "... And beam the unconscious commandos to the brig."
-- Kaleth: "Of course, sir" -> "Of course, sir."

Convo with Crilith Anel on bed:
-- Objectives: Since you're using objectives in parallel rather than multiples of the same type (i.e. help 1/4 colonists, help 2/4 colonists, etc.), could you not have designed hers as a "talk to NPC" objective?
-- This whole conversation is made of funny. I especially like the part where my tac boff goes, "Right now, I think the phrase "Beer Goggles" is more appropriate." LOL. Tess Phohl always was a deadpan snarker.

Ran into a weird bug. NPC named Andel Kurth Guardsman Third Class was jumping straight up into the air and moving slowly forward. I'd check into his settings, although it may not be your fault.

Convo with away team tac after talking to all witnesses:
-- Tactical: "We should report our findings to Commander Kaleth" -> "... Commander Kaleth."

Activation point for "Find the Evidence" is difficult to locate. As in, I had to place myself in a specific position to be able to activate the object. Might want to adjust the positioning of whatever object you used for the objective.

Good job forcing an away-team-on-one fight with the Center mole.

Convo with Kaleth after fighting the Center mole:
-- Kaleth: "If I've learned anything today, it's that I can't rule out the unexpected" -> "... the unexpected."
-- Player response to "You've convinced me...": "I Won't let anything happen to them" -> "I won't let anything happen to them."
-- Kaleth:
--- "It is settled then. The Navigation Trials will take place..." -> "The navigation trials will take place..."
--- Player response: "You won't regret it Commander" -> "You won't regret it, Commander."

-----------------------------------------
Map "Malcor VII":

Pretty map. I like the interplay of colors with the nebula and the gas giant.

Activatable satellite is unlabeled. Consider changing its name to something other than "Satellite - Federation S 02".

Convo with sci boff upon scanning western asteroid:
-- Science: "This Asteroid contains ..." -> "This asteroid contains..."

Convo with sci boff at anomaly:
-- Side comment, via Eleya RP: *Eleya dope-slaps her science officer.* "Why is it always 'quantum singularity'? Why can't you people just say 'black hole' like the rest of us?"
-- That said, it's a surprisingly accurate use of a black hole. One that size won't perturb orbits much, and I think I read somewhere that scientists think microsingularities like that pass through the Sol System with some frequency without affecting anything.

Convo with Durken:
-- Jakara: "Thank Captain [LastName], ... try the excercise one last time." -> "Thank you, Captain [LastName], ... try the exercise one last time."

-----------------------------------------
Map of Garth System (didn't catch the name):

No serious problems with this map. Pretty colors and a cool fight, although you may want to trigger the USS Bozeman to despawn and spawn an NPC contact to replace it: the Borg cube took the Bozeman with it when the core blew.

-----------------------------------------
Map "Warp Ship Durken":

Convo with tac boff after scanning devices:
-- Tactical: "Captain, we're fighting a loosing battle." -> "Captain, we're fighting a losing battle."

Convo after fight with assimilated captain:
-- Captain Peers: "We're trying Captain [LastName] ... My Cheif Engineer has an idea..." -> "My Chief Engineer has an idea..."

Impressive triggerwork building the gradual assimilation of the ship.

-----------------------------------------
Overall Score: 4.5/5. 50 dil tip.

Pros: Good triggerwork, excellent skycastle maps, and the dialog was well written.

Cons: Typos. In addition to the ones I noted above, there were a lot of missing periods and commas. There were also some ... odd choices for how to handle some of the objectives. Still, a little spit and polish and I'd consider this spotlight-worthy. Definitely on my must-play list.
Capt. Kanril Eleya, U.S.S. Andraste, Strike Team Alpha

Useful Links for Foundry Writers | "Bait and Switch" -- Fed Foundry project, Part 1 rewards-qualified!
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