Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,390
# 21
06-12-2013, 02:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gorvar1 View Post
Posted mine, decided to continue Doutra's storyline while introducing some bridge crew members, including a Gorn mad scientist because....-shrug-
Really solid entry The character development was great, and I loved the mental image of a twitchy Gorn
Ensign
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 28
# 22
06-12-2013, 02:58 PM
Thanks!
Although I noticed for a Romulan storyline...I dont have many Romulans on my ship haha.
Made a few edits here and there.

Last edited by gorvar1; 06-13-2013 at 03:32 AM.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,390
# 23
06-12-2013, 03:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gorvar1 View Post
Thanks!
Although I noticed for a Romulan storyline...I dont have many Romulans on my ship haha.
Multiculturalism for the win

@ cmdrscarlet: Awesome concept of the anti-verse, and a sneaky peak into Kathryn's past
Ensign
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 12
# 24
06-12-2013, 04:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
I have to admit, I did find the text color a bit distracting, but I really enjoyed the story I hope you'll be participating in future literary challenges

Thanks! I was trying to go with a rough LCARS theme with orange and purple texts.
I'll try and be a little more active with the forums and literary challenges, can't guarantee anything though. Usually a busy person outside of my computer game world.
Next time I'll work on character development and story pace, because they all seem rather flat to me at the moment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gorvar1 View Post
I liked it, it was very Star Trek-e with space trying to kill you and wormholes and whatnot. Kudos, deffo want to see more.
Thanks!

Last edited by morkintash; 06-12-2013 at 04:31 PM.
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 413
# 25
06-12-2013, 05:28 PM
Added my own entry. Hope to get to read the other entries in the next few days!
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,741
# 26
06-12-2013, 05:48 PM
If you're using a Windows system, try typing your story up in Notepad. The punctuation translates to the forums perfectly.

Jon's post, supplemental: Solid entry, danqueller. Good use of imagery, and it's nice to see somebody in-universe puzzled by how such a mass of neutronium (the densest matter possible in the universe, consisting of nothing but neutrons) can exist without collapsing into a solid ball and drawing everything nearby into a collision course.
-------------------------------------------
I'm old enough not to care too much about what you think of me --
But I'm young enough to remember the future, the way things ought to be...

- Rush, "Cut To the Chase", Counterparts

Last edited by jonsills; 06-12-2013 at 05:57 PM.
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 413
# 27
06-12-2013, 06:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonsills View Post

Jon's post, supplemental: Solid entry, danqueller. Good use of imagery, and it's nice to see somebody in-universe puzzled by how such a mass of neutronium (the densest matter possible in the universe, consisting of nothing but neutrons) can exist without collapsing into a solid ball and drawing everything nearby into a collision course.
Thanks!

I've always considered the neutronium used in the Engineering modules in-game to use a fine sliver of manufactured, impure neutronium, which still provides the strongest hull material known but doesn't have a notable gravitational field to worry about. The amount on the Killer is much purer (maybe even mined from neutron stars themselves), and the fact that the race that built it could manipulate that kind of quantities and negate the gravitational effects says all I think needs be said about just how far they still are from the races of the Galaxy in STO

Edit: I edited the final confrontation to make it flow better. Enjoy!

Last edited by danqueller; 06-12-2013 at 07:31 PM.
Ensign
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 28
# 28
06-13-2013, 03:22 AM
@ danqueller

A nicely paced story with good technobabble...sorry, actual scientific fact that backs it up .
Shows you i need to start watching Carl Sagan more often. Anyways, it was really good and it did remind me of a few episodes, Next Gen and Enterprise, where the crew had to flee/fight off a enemy that was WAY out of their league. Really, kudos. Love Rycho the most in this. He's like Wash from Firefly kinda.

@ cmdrscarlet

A nice and short story. No offense to those who do longer stories but sometimes i like my fics a little shorter .
It's a building up a larger storyline one and the idea of ANOTHER universe is an interesting playground to explore. Kudos.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,390
# 29
06-13-2013, 05:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by morkintash View Post

Thanks! I was trying to go with a rough LCARS theme with orange and purple texts.
I'll try and be a little more active with the forums and literary challenges, can't guarantee anything though. Usually a busy person outside of my computer game world.
Next time I'll work on character development and story pace, because they all seem rather flat to me at the moment.



Thanks!
Ah, I didn't realise that I really enjoyed the story though Something which was suggested to me when I started writing in the LC's, was to use more spacing between segments to make things easier on the eye than appearing as a 'wall of text', and I have to admit, I've noticed the difference it makes to presentation
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,390
# 30
06-13-2013, 05:35 AM
@ danqueller: As always, another strong entry, the tension of the chase was palpable, and it'll be great to see more of Rycho in future entries

@ patrickngo: Nice tight action, and well developed scenes, that's a really solid piece
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