Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,284
# 151
07-05-2013, 08:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wraithshadow13 View Post
I think this one is kind of a cheat on my part, It's written as the first entry from but not with my KDF captain, but at the same time it heavily involves my Federation character. Either way it follows in the recent storyline i've been doing. I like to keep it all linear. Anyway this entry brings it more into an action episode. Please let me know what you guys think.
That was fantastic I almost felt sorry for Wraith: Going to answer a door in curiosity, only to get beaten up in the toilet, but it was so well told from Krotious' point of view that I really wanted him to kill him
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,558
# 152
07-05-2013, 10:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wraithshadow13 View Post
I think this one is kind of a cheat on my part, It's written as the first entry from but not with my KDF captain, but at the same time it heavily involves my Federation character. Either way it follows in the recent storyline i've been doing. I like to keep it all linear. Anyway this entry brings it more into an action episode. Please let me know what you guys think.
I want to see more of this guy.
"when you're out of Birds of Prey, you're out of ships."
Commander
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 491
# 153
07-05-2013, 10:56 AM
wraithshadow: Wow, that fight scene was intense! I was easily able to visualize the whole thing. Really awesome-- I liked Krotious' narration all throughout. As patrickngo said, I'm eager to see more of him in the future.

flightofcrimson: I actually laughed out loud while reading yours. I love how you exposed all of the neat little canonical irregularities in the game with that one casual conversation (and let's not forget how half of Starfleet seems to be using alien vessels/technology, how widespread assimilated tech is, etc).
Lieutenant
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 80
# 154
07-05-2013, 12:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
Inspired by patrickngo's entry, I have revised parts of my previously mentioned entry, restructuring the dialogue between Alix and Marcus to better clarify his situation on Bajor, which I felt was not clear enough, and which gives another insight into Alix's life. I also revised the very end to include a little more rationalisation on Marcus' part rather than mere angst. As I mentioned when first posting, this entry deals with Adult Themes and scenarios. If you feel you would be offended or disturbed by reading about such themes please do not follow the link.
Just read this and wanted to say, it's really good. Was not expecting that twist with the sister.
Very nice.
Vice Admiral Ky'Lian Berat - U.S.S. AVALON
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,284
# 155
07-05-2013, 03:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by drac0s65 View Post
Just read this and wanted to say, it's really good. Was not expecting that twist with the sister.
Very nice.
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it To which twist are you referring? Pretty much all the elements and events had been previously referenced in past entries, and to be honest, I'd always thought it would be an episod I wouldn't write, but the real twist for me, was when I realised that this would be one of those NCIS moments, and Marcus would be looking like the prime suspect in a murder
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 216
# 156
07-05-2013, 08:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post
Inspired by patrickngo's entry, I have revised parts of my previously mentioned entry, restructuring the dialogue between Alix and Marcus to better clarify his situation on Bajor, which I felt was not clear enough, and which gives another insight into Alix's life. I also revised the very end to include a little more rationalisation on Marcus' part rather than mere angst. As I mentioned when first posting, this entry deals with Adult Themes and scenarios. If you feel you would be offended or disturbed by reading about such themes please do not follow the link.
Just read it again. Still really great!

Reading it a second time actually gave me a slightly different...perspective? on Alix's personality. To me, she seems less "insane" as it were, and more of emotionally immature. Mentally, she is obviously a smart girl, given the fact that she knows that her relationship with Marcus is commonly frowned upon, however, she is emotionally incapable of bonding that intimately with another, possibly due to the loss of their mother. Just my (very) unprofessional opinion of course Still, great entry.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Ensign
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 27
# 157
07-06-2013, 02:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ambassadormolari View Post
flightofcrimson: I actually laughed out loud while reading yours. I love how you exposed all of the neat little canonical irregularities in the game with that one casual conversation (and let's not forget how half of Starfleet seems to be using alien vessels/technology, how widespread assimilated tech is, etc).
Yeah, it's funny. Although those irregularities are really just there so we get more freedom and a greater sense of fun. However, Starfleet might accept chucking alien technology onto their ships - they are quite lenient, even in canon. And it is a time of war.
Idealist.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,284
# 158
07-06-2013, 03:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironphoenix113 View Post
Just read it again. Still really great!

Reading it a second time actually gave me a slightly different...perspective? on Alix's personality. To me, she seems less "insane" as it were, and more of emotionally immature. Mentally, she is obviously a smart girl, given the fact that she knows that her relationship with Marcus is commonly frowned upon, however, she is emotionally incapable of bonding that intimately with another, possibly due to the loss of their mother. Just my (very) unprofessional opinion of course Still, great entry. :-)
Thanks I felt the section about Bajor needed expanding, as it only vaguely made sense to someone who knew Marcus' career history, and I wanted to make it clear to a first-time reader that he had been there at two different times. I think I made this observation to Sander, but I think the kindest way to describe Alix is 'high functioning autistic'. While she could probably just about pass as normal to a casual observer, any extended contact would show her other socially awkward traits and unintentional snarkiness. I tried to show more of her history, which the hints pointed to, that she studied economics at Harvard, before spending six years at the Bank of Bolius (Huge financial institution) before taking a senior position at their deceased father's engineering/weapons development company. Her bond to Marcus was very strong even before their mother's death (who Alix always resented, although ironically she made Marcus copy their mother's tattoo onto her shoulderblade at seventeen, in tribute to her) and the nature of the bond simply evolved as they got older. Although being raised with a sibling usually precludes GSA, in Alix's case, the in utero re-writing of her DNA lead to the same inappropriately provocative behaviour as Lauren exhibited, just with a more specific focus, and Marcus was simply so desperate for any kind of female contact (due to their mother's death) he didn't have the will power to refuse. This entry does shed some light onto his initial resistance though
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,257
# 159
07-07-2013, 02:06 PM
@shevet - Amazing writing. That was A LOT of space combat and I soaked up every word. Now that I know you wrote a novel I feel better about my writing abilities

I've got the others printed out to read later. I'm swamped at work now so I'll get to what I can over the next couple of days.

For my own piece: it was meant to be used for LC 4, but then it got rewritten ... and rewritten ... and rewritten ... Basically, a few LCs ago I put Kathryn into a strange place personality-wise I could not resolve within the LC at the time. I've struggled to figure a way to explain her motivation and I thought, sometimes you just have to say it.

Well I still haven't

Anyway, I wanted to post something and this is what I came up with in the time I had available. I hope you enjoy.

Cast:
Kathryn Beringer - Rachel Nichols
Counselor A'Mand - Lynn Collins
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene

Last edited by cmdrscarlet; 07-07-2013 at 02:18 PM.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,575
# 160
07-07-2013, 02:40 PM
"Direct action", indeed. And have the lambs stopped screaming, Clarice?
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When I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need. Not all this "who are you and how did you get into my house" nonsense.
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